Just For The Ladies
by i-morgan
Summary: Our beloved Kakashi is miserable, so how is the Hokage going to help him? Ew... no, not like that... sickos...
1. Chapter 1: Poor Kakashi

Title: Just for the ladies

Chapter 1: Poor Kakashi!

Written By: BurasMew

Summary: Our beloved Kakashi is miserable. . .!! So how is the Hokage going to help him?! Ew. . . no, not like that. . . sicko. . .

A/N: BurasMew: whacks head on wall with a hat on that says I'm stupid because I accidentally deleted my story so I have to re-post it and I lost all my reviews! Stupid, Stupid, Stupid, Stupid! Oh.. also… I know that this is just a tad bit OOC because Kakashi is actually sounding pretty lousy and depressing… not the normal, up and at em' attitude! So let's just say that he's just having some sort of Mid-Life-Crisis-Episode-Thingy (Even if he is only 28 or something like that)

_Italic: (flashback or brainwaves . . . your smart. I'm sure you can figure it out)_

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Poor Kakashi was bored out of his skull! Of course becoming Naruto's, Sasuke's, and Sakura's Sensai was interesting. . . and very entertaining at first. But now it was a hellish cycle! With Naruto complaining non-stop about all the tasks being too easy. . . And he swore to himself that he was becoming deaf because of Sakura's screaming! When he thought about it, Sasuke was the only exception . . . except for when that ugly ego of his shows up.

Kakashi gave out a sigh of despair; He never thought it would be like this. Considering that Naruto and his teammates were the first ones who passed his test, he never really taught kids before and didn't know what to expect from them. He did realise that they would be a pain from time to time. . . But he didn't expect to get the worst trio in the entire village!

And he also didn't know it would soak up all his time…!! From time to time he would sneak in a few paragraphs of Icha Icha Paradise. . . but he would pay dearly if Sakura found out while he was training them. And if he didn't do anything to break the cycle soon he would go crazy!

Yes. . . that was on our adorable Kakashi's mind while he stared at the ceiling. He turned to the clock and realised that is was eleven thirty in the morning.

"Argh!" Kakashi pulled the blankets over his head, making his feet venerable to the cold air. He quickly pulled them up under his blanket. He wasn't in the mood to listen to Naruto's whining, or Sakura's screaming, and Sasuke's smart-aleck attitude.

But yet he couldn't help but think that he forgot something . . . Something really important. But what could it be…?

"OH NO!!" Kakashi sprung out of bed suddenly remembering, _"I forgot Hokage-sama wanted to see me this morning!"_

Realising that he had an important meeting with the Hokage, He threw on his green sleeveless jacket as fast as he could and raced out of his apartment door.

##########

_"Oh Kakashi! It's been a long time since I last saw you. . . Ha, I was so shocked to hear that you finally passed somebody. Did you know that? So how are your first students. . .?"_

_"W-What?" Kakashi looked up at an unknown voice, and to his surprise it was the Hokage! . . . Since when did he eat at the Ichiraku? "Oh. . . they are becoming a handful." He said._

_"I meant how are they feeling…"_

_"Oh sorry. . ." Kakashi sighed, feeling a headache coming on. "They're a handful. . ."_

_"I see. . ." The Hokage sat down beside Kakashi and ordered some Ramen. "Are they really that bad. . .?"_

_"Ha! They are the worst!" Kakashi laughed. "These are the worst two months of my life. Naruto is the worst! He's driving me crazy; always complaining that they should do something more difficult . . ."_

_The Hokage laughed, "Well, the first students are usually the worst. . . but that's what you get for being so strict."_

_"What do you mean. . .?" Kakashi asked almost wanting to bash his head on the table; he was having some bad headache . . ._

_"Well. . . every ninja at your age had at least some experience with teaching Genins. But no, you just had to fail every kid that took the test._

_"I'm beginning to think that I hate children. . ." Kakashi looked down at the table. . . it was starting to look very inviting. . ._

_"Heh. . . everyone says that when they actually start out. . ." The Hokage gave out a small chuckle._

_ "It's just that...Oh, I don't konw..." Kakashi said rubbing the back of his head, "I...I miss doing... Class A missions... and... stuff." .... Did that make any sence?_

"Is that the case then. . .? Hmm. . . I wonder. . ." The Hokage trailed off looking out the window, "I just might have something for you."

_"Huh. . .?" Kakashi looked up. Not sure what he said._

_"Come see me tomorrow in the morning Kakashi, and we'll talk then. . ." The Hokage got up, preparing to leave._

_"Um. . . okay. . ."_

_"Good. Ten o'clock it is then. . ." The Hokage turned around and began to leave._

_"Wait… Hokage-sama…?"_

_"Yes?"_

_"What are you doing here eating at a Ichiraku?"_

_The Hokage lift his shoulders and shrugged, "I dunno. . ." and walked off._

##########

_"I'm only a hour and a half late! I can make it! I can make it!"_ Kakashi thought hopefully in his mind as he raced to the Hokage. Just as he was about to sneak into the door he heard an old hacking voice in the room.

"You're late Kakashi. . ." The Hokage said, giving out a big cough to clear his throat while looking over some papers in his hands.

"I am?" Kakashi poked his little head in the door and looked at the clock that hung on the wall. "Oh yes of course. . .!" He smiled, clapping his hands together and walked into the room, "But I have a very good reason for being late. You see, I was already walking here and then I saw this cute little cat stuck in a tree-"

"Not now Kakashi, with you being late you made me throw off my schedule. I am very busy at the moment and I don't have much ti. . ." The Hokage trailed off reading some papers in his hands.

"Sorry Hokage-sama." Kakashi nodded his head slowly. _"Yeash. . . he should have figured out by now that I am always late. . ."_ Kakashi thought"Uh. . . Why did you want to see me?" The Hokage seem to have not heard him because he began rummaging threw more papers. "Hokage. . .?"

"What. . .?" The Hokage looked up at Kakashi, "Oh yes, I'm sorry." He put down the papers and moved a binder out of his way. Then he placed his hands together gently on his desk. "I have a special task for you to do."

"Special task?" Kakashi repeated, having a slight tone of interest in his voice.

"Yes." The Hokage nodded his head. "It wont be long mind you. . . only until Anko gets over this flu she's having. . ." He trailed off again; his eyes caching a paper that seemed to have caught his interest.

"Anko. . ." Kakashi raised a eyebrow, "Wait a second! You're saying you want me to supervise the second part of the Chunin exam?!?" He yelled in surprise

"What. . .?" The old man looked up with a confused look on his face. "Oh…!" The Hokage called out realising what he meant. "Oh hell no. . .!"

"Anko teaches a. . . very special course in her free time. It actually have become quite popular in the village actually. . . and you seem to be the only one that has so much free at the time, so I assumed. . ."

"W-wait. . .wait a second!? You want me to teach…?! Hokage-sama, That's the one thing I don't want!"

"I know that Kakashi. . . will you let me finish? I figured that this would give you a good opportunity to become a better teacher without wanting to squeeze the life out of your students at the end of the day. Do you understand. . . that I'm trying to give you more experience as a teacher?"

Kakashi gave out a little pout. He was secretly hoping that the Hokage would give him a special mission to assassinate someone, or something exciting like that. But instead, he gets more teaching thrown on him.

"Now don't give me that look Kakashi. You don't even know what it is yet. . . you might enjoy it. . . this is for the best."

Kakashi was holding his inner-child inside; wanting to stick out his tongue at him. Which in the end would be difficult because of that mouthpiece he has on. . . so he figured not to. So Kakashi gave in saying, "Fine!"

The Hokage grew a big smile on his face. "Good to hear it. . ." He then looked under a bunch of papers and found a big brown paper folder. "Ah! Here it is!" The Hokage pulled it out and handed it over to Kakashi.

"What's this?"

"This has all the information you will need to know to teach. . . no, don't open it now. Wait when you get home." Kakashi restrained himself opening it. "So, as I was saying. . . Inside the folder has everything you need to know. When the classes begin, where, and the lesson plans are inside as well. . ." When the Hokage finished, he dismissed Kakashi from his office.

So Kakashi began to walk back to his house. He looked at the big folder that the Hokage gave him and wondered what was in it. The more he thought about it, the more he didn't think it would be so bad. . .

Ya the Hokage was right. . . if he wanted to become a better teacher, he should go out and do more of it. . . get more experience you know. . .? Learn not to strangle the hell out of Naruto. . .

And hey. . . Anko taught it. . . so it has to be a interesting subject! He was just about to open it, but then he heard a loud voice calling out his name fallowed by a hard pat on the back.

"Hello my eternal rival! How are you doing today?!" Gai yelled out, showing all his shiny teeth, which made Kakashi's eyes hurt.

"Um. . . fine." Kakashi said raising a eyebrow. _"I have an eternal rival?" _Then he thought about Gai's situation. . . who taught so much that he ending up growing thick eyebrows and always talked about a youth being explosive or something like that. . .

"Say, what is the folder in your hand?" Gai pointed at Kakashi's folder; which he was trying oh-so-hard to hide.

Then Kakashi got an idea and smirked evilly. _"Heh. . . this might shut you up. . ."_ He thought. "The lord Hokage gave me a special mission."

"A special mission?" Gai said . . . is that a bit of jealousy in his voice?

Kakashi smiled, he was feeling really positive about this coarse now if it made that stupid look on Gai's face. "Ya. . . Anko was supposed to do it, but she got really sick. So Hokage handed it over to me until she gets better."

"So. . . . What is it?"

"What is what?"

"The mission!"

"Oh. . . Um. . . someclassigottateach. . ." Kakashi said a little bit to fast.

"What. Was that . .? I didn't hear you. . ."

"Ugh. . ." Kakashi sighed. What was with the million questions? "I said it's a class I gotta teach!"

"Oh. . ." Gai gave a short pause. "What's the subject?"

"I didn't open the folder yet Gai. I don't know." Kakashi squinted his eyes, getting irritated. Did Gai ever minded his own business?!

"You volunteered to teach a class without knowing what to teach?!" Gai said sounding a bit surprised. . . This wasn't like his eternal rival to be unprepared.

"Well, Anko is supposed to teach it. So it shouldn't be that hard. . ." Kakashi said; not really wanting to point out that the Hokage forced him to do it. "Well, this is where I turn. I'll see you later Gai." Kakashi turned the opposite direction of Gai and walked off as quick as he could.

When Kakashi finally reached to his apartment, he sat down at tried to get comfy. When he did, he opened the folder and began to read the first few lines. . .

But when he did, his jaw reached the floor and gave out a high-pitched screamed. . . then quickly fallowed by a faint.

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BurasMew: So, how was the first chapter? It sucked? I know it did… it wasn't as funny as I planned it to be. But the next chapter is going to be a lot better then the first. This chapter is more of an explanation of things to come more or less. . . or something. . .

Have any suggestions? Comments? Ideas? . . . I could really use them. Please no flames. . . Flames destroy my self-esteem. (Starts crying)

If you hated my story, don't flame me… tell me how to improve it. If you just go off flaming me. . . all your doing is proving that you're a stupid jerk! kicks random things

Ya, you might be thinking. . . what the heak does the title have to do with the story? Does is scare you? Trust me, you shouldn't! But the possibilities are endless!!!!

Oh, as well…. The next chapter should be up in about 2 days… I just want to give some time for people to review my story…


	2. Chapter 2: Poor Anko

Title: Just for the ladies

Chapter 2: Poor Anko!

Written By: Buras_Mew

Buras_Mew: Ohmygod! Ohmygod! Ohmygod! *Freaking out* Look at all me reviews! *Hugs every one of them* Wow this so great! I'm so happy that so many people reviewed my story! ^_^ As soon as I got up to 7 reviews I dropped whatever I was doing and started it right away!

Oh, and a gigantic thank you to anime_princess4!! You really help shape this story. Your review totally inspired me and headed this story into another direction! I GIVE YOU COOKIES!!!

Sorry about the two-week wait… I was going to post it up… but then I read anime_princess4 review… and so I had to restart the chapter… but then my mother spilt paint all over the keyboard so I had to wait for a few days to get a new one, and then Captain Planet crashed threw my room and asked me to help him save to world… but I said I couldn't because I was going to baby-sit Silverwing's little brother… so I kicked him… in the balls. 

(Ok.. the last part was very random… let's just start the fic.)

A/N: I DON'T OWN NARUTO! BLAH!

A/N: Ok… I tried 50 billion times to fix the story with the bold, italics, and the paragraphs… and at least one thing messed up in the preview… and I'm tired of it! So if something seems wrong in this chapter! I DON'T FREAKING CARE ANYMORE!!! DON'T TELL ME! I DON'T CARE!!!! *throws oranges at people* 

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Poor Anko was sick… really sick, and I don't mean your average every day little baby coughs. I'm talking about them gigantic, whacked up, not even a face a mother could love, ew grandma's not wearing a bra and she's gonna hug me type of flu! Ya, it was really gross… and how she got it was still unknown to her… but if she ever found out who she caught it from… she was going to EAT THERE SOUL!!

But let's not get too much off the subject. With some drool off the side of her mouth, Anko was in slumber land on her big comfy bed without any distractions at all…….

KNOCK!

KNOCK!

KNOCK!

…Or so it seemed…

KNOCK!!!

KNOCK!!!

KNOCK!!!

"Whut…?" Anko woke up startled with confusion written all over her face.

KNOCK!

KNOCK!

KNOCK!

"ANKO! I KNOW YOU'RE THERE!!! OPEN THE DOOR!!!" A voice screamed.

"What the heak…?" Anko blinked a couple of times.

"Open the door now!!"

"You don't have to break down my door…" She tried to scream but only came out as a mumble. She yawned and got out of bed. Didn't her apartment door say 'Do Not Disturbed'? Who knows? With her head being so stuffed up and her eyes so puffy she can't even remember what her name was. She grabs a box of Kleenex as she began to journey to find the door.

Her hand fumbled around what seemed to be a knob and turned it… and it didn't take her long to realise that it was the closet. "Wrong door…"  She gave out a large sigh and closed it.

So after many times walking into walls and chair throwing, Anko finally made it to the door the lead her OUTSIDE. She smiled victoriously and opened the door.

"It was about time you opened the door!" The unknown voice yelled.

"Gai… Listen, I'm sorry, but I just can't go out with you…! It's the eyebrows… it's just too much. So don't take it personally... but thank you for the flowers…"

"………….What? I'm not Gai!" 

"You aren't?" Anko tried her best to open her eyes but they just didn't want to.

"It's Kakashi!!"

"Kakashi?!" Anko yelled in shock and almost fell down. Well this was an interesting surprise… He would be the last person she would have expected to be at her door. _"Everybody wants a piece of Anko…"_ She smiled to herself.

…It was just a shame she didn't see the serious look on Kakashi's face. "Um…" Anko begun. "What are you doing here?"

Then without warning, Kakashi exploded on Anko yelling about random stuff. He was acting so out of character is was scary! But since she was concentrating more on not sneezing on Kakashi then listening to what he was complaining about. She only heard a few things…. Such as: The Hokage-Whore has flipped… blah, blah, blah… Sex… blah, blah, blah…. Green Monkeys… blah, blah, blah…

Now she was really confused… and scared… so she smacked him. "What…?! Kakashi! Stop yelling at me!!" Anko yelled looking sicker, if that was possible. "Now…" She began more slowly and calmly, "Start… from… the beginning…"

Kakashi's left eye twitched, trying to hide the pain in his cheek.,, _"Ow…"_ He thought. Ok… he was having a bit of a panic attack but that was no reason to SLAP him. He took in a long deep breath, trying to stay calm. He pulled up a specific piece of paper that cause him to scream like a little girl and shoved it into her face.  "Since when did you teach…"

*Gasp! Here it comes! Are you ready?!" *

**"…SEX…. EDUCATION!?!?!"**

"I started it a week ago… What's it to you?" Anko asked, giving out a loud snorting sound. 

"Um………………………….. Why?" 

"Why…?" Anko raised an eyebrow. "Kakashi, what is this about?"

"Just… tell me!" 

_"How does he know about that…?  And why does he care?!"_  Anko thought rubbing her temples. "Well…" She gave a short pause to think about "I just want kids… to learn about sex in a healthy manner and not in some girls' bathroom. Do you have any idea's some of the silly rumours that go on in there? … I just want them to have an opportunity to get the facts straight... unlike some unfortunate children."

*Flashback*

_"Orochimaru-sensei…?" A twelve-year-old Anko asked. "Where do baby's come from?"_

Orochimaru's eyes began to twitch. "Um…" 

_Anko waited patently with her big black chibi eyes._

_…_

_…_

_Orochimaru summoned one of his gigantic snakes. "LOOK! A GIGANTIC SNAKE! GO PLAY!!!"_

_"Yay! ^_^" Chibi Anko, completely forgetting about her question, ran off to play with the snake._

*End of Flashback*

There was a short pause that lasted for about 20 seconds. 

"But…………. why!?" Kakashi repeated.

"Kakashi! You know how many chairs I ran into?! You have better not have woke me up to ask me that stupid question!!"

"I didn't!"

"Then what do you want?" Anko tried to calm down again. Tell me what the hell you want or I'm going to kick you off my lawn!"

Kakashi took in a deep breath… how could he say this without making Anko go crazy on his ass?

He placed the pamphlet in her hands and begun. "…The Hokage assigned me to teach your class until you get better."

Apparently… he hasn't given much thought into it.

Anko's skin turned white as a ghost (if that was possible) and dropped pamphlet … her eyes twitched every few seconds and looked like she was about to explode.

Now it was Anko's turn to scream. "HE DID WHAT?!?"

"That's what I thought too…"

"Ugh… You… he…. Oh that-that stupid Hokage! I can't believe that he did that…! You… he… I mean…" Anko placed her hand on her head and took in a deep breath. "Oh come on!! He doesn't have the power to do that! Does he!?"

Kakashi just nodded his head every five seconds to make it look like he was listening to her. If he knew Anko… her bitching was going to last **at least** 2 hours.

"Yeash… everybody knows that a man can't teach a sex education class! What is that Hokage thinking-" 

"Hey! Wait! Wait a second! Wait, wait, wait!" Kakashi said putting up his hands up; trying to soak up that last part that Anko said. "What did you just say?!"

Anko raised an eyebrow, "Say about what?"

"About men can't teach Sex. Ed!"

Anko's eyes twitched again. She hated it when people interrupted her while she was bitching. "…What about it?"

"About guys not able to teach sex ed. That is the most stupidest idea I ever heard."

Anko snorted. "Oh please… Males just don't have the mental capacity do handle it!"

"Ha, I can teach your class with ease!"

"And I'm telling you that your gonna chicken out!" Anko yelled. She was ready to throw up if she didn't calm down.

"Want to bet on that?" 

"Sure. If I win you… you have to burn **ALL** your Icha Icha Paradise books!"

_"Wait a second! That was just a manner of speech!" _Kakashi thought, he didn't mean for her to take him seriously…. " But he figured out he might as well take advantage of the situation."Fine! If I don't chicken out, you have to be my personal sex slave!" Kakashi giggled. ^_^

Anko give him a 'get freaking serious you perv' look.

"Yeash…Ok. Fine… You'll have to…  um-" Kakashi thought quickly… what does Anko hate…? "Oh! You'll have to go on a date with Gai!"

"WHAT?!" Anko yelled. "No way! I'm not doing that!" She sounded more grossed about going on a date with Gai then having sex… 

"Why..?" Kakashi smiled, "Afraid you'll lose…?"

Anko grabbed a napkin and sneezed again,  "……No. I'll do it!"

"And you have to buy… and it has to be romantic… and you have to give him a very big slobbery kiss at the end… and-"

"Don't get too ahead of yourself! It's not like your going to win." Anko hissed.

Kakashi just smiled. "Well, I'm feeling VERY confident in myself!"

So Kakashi and Anko yelled at each other threw out the day… and the authoress, being to damn lazy to write down the details… is going to summaries what happened: Anko yelled at Kakashi, Kakashi yelled at Anko, Anko yelled back, Kakashi yelled back, Anko insulted size, Kakashi threw rock at Anko, neighbours yelled at Anko and Kakashi to shut the hell up…. Ect, ect…

*Buras_Mew is proud to present a Hokage and Bob moment…*

"Excuse me Hokage…" A man with a broom asked.

"Yes?"

"Why did you assign Kakashi to Anko's class?"

"For the last time Bob." The Hokage sighed. "I get entertained in the weirdest ways."

Bob the janitor squinted his eyes. "I see… but Kakashi's a pervert."

"Yes, I am aware of that."

"And…. You know there is a shower there?"

 "Yes, I know that too" The Hokage rubbed his hands together and laughed evilly.

"… Um… I think I'm going to clean the floor… over there now…" Bob the janitor slowly crept away from the Hokage who was now chocking on his own spit.

(A/N: The Hokage is scary…)

*Thank you for reading the Hokage and Bob moment… we now return to you the fanfic which is now in already in progress…*

"Start small…" Kakashi said to himself, back at his apartment, "Work your way up…"  He looked at the pile among piles of books, papers, video's and props. (A/N: Props…? I don't understand that! What type of props would you have in a sex education class?! SOMEBODY ANSWER ME!!)

Kakashi figured that if he was going to do this… he should do it right. He took a deep breath and picked up the closest book near him. "You can do this." He opened the book and began to read: 

"Mr. And Mrs. Bunny have been married a long time and desisted to have a baby..."

He quickly closed the book…. Ok… he didn't have to start that small. He grabbed another book that looked a bit more mature then the last one:

"The body of the man and the woman are very different-" 

"Hey I know that! ^_^" Kakashi gave a chibi smile. "This doesn't seem so hard!"

"For instance the diaphragm of the woman's-" 

Kakashi flipped over the page and freaked out. "EWWW!!" Kakashi squealed, realising it was a popup book…

This was going to be harder then he thought……again -_-''

*SCEAN CHANGE!! _SWOOSH!_*

"I have a request Lord Hokage!" Gai cried out dramatically looking off in the distance showing that ~hero~ aroma around him.

"Um… yes…?" The Hokage blinked still blown away by his entrance he made 15 seconds ago.

_*Flashback 15 seconds ago*_

Bob the Janitor was giving the Hokage the Haemic Remover; for he was choking on a chicken wing.

_When Bob saved the Hokage, a mysterious cry echoed threw out the room. _

**_DRAMATICENTRANCE NO JITSU!_**

_The ground mysteriously began to shake and the lights shining threw the windows began to flicker repeatedly._

_"Bob!" The Hokage called out._

_"Hokage!"_

_They both hug each other in a loving embrace thinking they would never see each other again. The windows crashed as exploding sounds were heard in the background._

Suddenly Gai crashed threw the doors and graffiti and streamers were thrown out of nowhere with flashy anime lines randomly flashing in random spots.

_*End of Flashback*_

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              The Hokage realised that he was still holding on to Bob and quickly threw him off. "Um… you wanted something?"

"Yes." Gai's eyes turned all shiny and Gai-ish. "I wish to work with Kakashi on that mission you assigned him!"

_"No you fool!"_ Bob thought in pure horror. _"Run while you still can!"_

A gigantic smile grew on the Hokage face, which made it look even wrinklier… you know, like one of them ugly dogs?

"So… you want to work on Kakashi's assignment do you?" He lifted back his head and laughed evilly again.

And Gai wanting to belong… figured to join in.

And poor Bob just shock his head in shame; thinking he was the only sane one in the freaking village!

(A/N: The Hokage is scary)

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All right! I finished the second chapter! ^_^ And in the next chapter… Kakashi actually teaches sex education…! LAUGH WITH ME EVERYBODY!! MUAHAHAHAHA!

The name of Chapter 3: Poor Sakura

Random paragraph/sentence from Chapter 3 to make you come back: 

**"Sex…" Kakashi begun, "Is bad… So don't do it!"**

 Now the thank you list for all my reviewers: 

For Mr-Omega-007: Well, I hope this chapter answered your question. I'm glad you couldn't wait to read the next one. ^_^ YOU'RE MY FIRST REVIEWER YAY!!

Zaeria: Lol! You review made my heart soften and my bladder weak. Thanks for the review!

Fancedancemance: Yes! Be daring!! I got about 5 chapters in my head for far and I got three written down on paper. The third chapter should be in three days or less. (Oh yes… I enjoy the idea of Kakashi screaming in a high-pitched voice too. ^_^)

anime_princess4: I LOVE YOU!!!!!!! YOU'RE MY NEW FAV REVIEWER *hug* … you can sit right beside me…. ^_^ *gives cookies*

SilverKnight7: Glad you enjoyed the story! ^_^

Ame no Megami: Well… I'm glad this chapter got some suspense off your shoulder… or did it?! (DUM DUM DUUM!!!)

The Lizard Queen: I'll see you at school on Monday. THANKS FOR THE REVIEW DUDE!! *jigs*

Hitori: Sorry to leave such a cliffhanger.

Kurisuteru-chan: Glad somebody likes my summary! ^_^

Alucard: *eye twitches because she was the only review that actually reviews my work and nobody likes to be criticized… even if it was in a very, very, polite manner… * I think your too pick and should get over it. *Smacks you* No. I'm joking… reviews like that are welcomed… they stab me at my pride, but I have to learn to handle it! *Looks off in the distance to see all the reviewers getting ready to flame/criticize her* Oh no…………

Skakujou: Yay! You understand my level of thinking…  JUST for the ladies… *snickers with you* but the title isn't totally about the story anymore *blame anime_princess4* but I still like the name… So I'm going to keep it. ^_^

Fireblaze: Thanks for not caring that the Kakashi is just a little OOC… *gives you orange… and a fruitcake! ^_^*

Evilmini86: *leg twitches* Evilmini… you sure know how to make a girl have a heart attack…But thanks for your support… Do you have your chapter yet?! *inside joke*

Fruit-tea1: Thanks for the review! But I don't understand the last part… you say I have to be funnier or are you saying that I'm funny and you want me to write more funny things? *comfuzzled* Maybe if I read it again…. *uses stick to move mouse* … so… lazy… -_-'


	3. Chapter 3: Poor Sakura

Title: Just for the ladies

Chapter 3: Poor Sakura!

Written By: BurasMew

BurasMew: TAP DANCING JESUS! Look at all the freaking reviews! jaw drops to the floor Ok... first things first... I'm so sorry for the long wait. My brother was on the computer for the entire month playing final fantasy 6... and now he has bet the game for the billionth time. So, he has no reason to go on the computer for another few years. Then spring break showed up so I didn't get much work done then! But I promise I'll make it up to all the people who really enjoy my story! I'll start writing the fourth chapter right after I'm done the third one, so it will be up in a few days.... I hope. Oh well, the point is that there is going to be no more waiting for a super long time anymore. I fell so bad ... I totally rushed the third chapter, so I wish it turned out as you hoped it would. I swear the forth chapter will be better! ;;  
  
I'll stop rambling now...  
  
I DON'T OWN NARUTO!  
  
#################################################Poor Sakura... If it were humanly possible, she would drop dead of embarrassment right now. Why? The answer is simple... it was because she going to take the most terrifying, eyebrow raising, running off to the corner and giggle like a freak extra curricular class of all time! And she should take it any second now... but it seems she is having a bit of difficulty grabbing that doorknob and opening the door, which will bring her INSIDE the classroom.  
  
Sakura stood there for about ten minutes staring at the knob. She blinked... and the door was still there.... She looked down at her shoulder and pinched it to see if she was dreaming.  
  
"Ow..." Nope, not dreaming...  
  
She sighed knowing deep down that she was going to have to do this sooner or later... but she preferred later. _"Screw this! I'm getting out of here while I have the chance!" _She thought and made a run for it.  
  
But her plan failed almost instantly as she bumped into her mother that was standing behind her the entire time.  
  
Giving her a stern look, she picked up her daughter and threw her in the classroom. Muahaha... nobody's going to disturb her soaps now!  
  
Sakura picked herself off the floor and looked around while brushing the dust off her clothes. She noticed that everybody was out of their seats and talking to each other. Her guess that the teacher was late...  
  
This wasn't really that much of a problem since she never wanted to be in this classroom in the first place. And from the look of it... the rest of the girls didn't mind either... and for some reason Kiba and Shino were there too... 

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"Thank you for coming with me you guys... you didn't have to do this ..." Hinata almost whispered.  
  
Shino just nodded his head, trying to avoid eye contact with anybody.  
  
"Oh it's nothing Hinata..." Kiba smiled with Akamaru on the top of his head. "Um ...What is this class anyway...?"  
  
"You... you didn't know!?" Hinata asked in shock. He didn't know?! She was sure he knew what she was talking about when she asked him! "Well... It's a....um-a.... I-it's a..."  
  
Shino sighed and decided to tell Kiba before Hinata had a heart attack. He walked up to him and whispered something in his ear.  
  
"IT'S A WHAT?!" Kiba yelled at the top of his lungs in shock. "I don't want my manliness to be questioned! Let's get the hell outta here Shino!" He grabbed Shino's collar and headed towards the door.  
  
"N-no! Wait! Don't go!" Hinata cried out and grabbed them by the arms.  
  
Kiba and Shino didn't look down at Hinata cause they knew what would happen if they did... their conscience would be filled with sorrow and regret in a way you would never believe!! Their- ...No...! Kiba don't! Don't turn your head you fool! Noooooooooooooo!  
  
Oh damnit, he looked.  
  
Yep, Kiba looked down at them... big... white... bubbly eyes. Hinata made a little sniffing sound to sweetin' the deal, and a little tear began to squirt out of her eye.  
  
_"No! Why did I turn my head?" _Kiba thought. It was almost impossible to say no to that cute little face on the edge of tears! ... Because he would be a jerk if he did say no, and two girls in the village named Vanessa and Jen like to kick jerks in their spare time. "...Oh fine!" Kiba quickly gave in and shoved Shino in front of him; he wasn't going to be the only guy here!  
  
Hinata giggled and clapped her hands together. "Thank you!" 

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"Oh, I wish I had thought to bring Shikamaru and Choiji with me..." Ino thought overhearing Kiba and Hinata. "I'm sure I could have tricked them somehow..." She wandered off looking around the room, and almost jumped out of her seat when Sakura flew into the room. "Gah! What the hell is stupid Forehead Girl doing here...?!"  
  
Sakura seemed to have heard her and turned her head towards Ino's direction. Probably thinking the same thing, she stuck out her tongue at her.  
  
Ino, rather insulted, stuck her tongue out back making that 'meh!' noise as well.  
  
You can imagine this went on for a while... 

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Hiding at the back door for the last fifteen minutes, Kakashi decided to poke out the small window and see his class. "Look at all the kids............... WHY WON'T THE PARENTS JUST ANSWER THEIR STUPID QUESTIONS!?" Kakashi yelled, frustrated that he had to teach this stupid class.  
  
Unknown to Kakashi, a shadow slowly loomed over him and began to speak, "It is our responsibility as their sex education teachers to give them such knowledge and-"  
  
"AHH! Gai, what are you doing here!?" Kakashi turned around and screamed at the top of his lungs.  
  
"Oh ya. I forgot to tell you... I asked the Hokage to assist you in helping the children in the time of their flaming youth!" Gai said pointing his finger in the air. "Cause in order to surpass you... I must eat what you eat, breathe what you breathe, and teach what you teach!"  
  
"..." Kakashi was at a loss of words. It was bad enough that he had to teach Sex Education, now he had to work with Gai! ... Then there was this long awkward silence that lasted about five minutes. 

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"So come!" Gai yelled out breaking the silence "Our students await us!!" Then Gai grabbed Kakashi's arm and began to drag him into the room.  
  
"Noo! Gai, I'm not ready yet!" Kakashi tried to protest; but he didn't seem to listen as he was thrown through the door.  
  
All the girls attention (Shino Kiba's as well) was on Kakashi and Gai.  
  
"What the...?" Sakura turned around to see what everybody was staring at, and when she did... she wished she hadn't. "Oh dear god no..." Sakura gasped to herself, "WHAT THE HELL IS KAKASHI DOING HERE?! HE'S NOT TEACHING IS HE?!? IS HE?!?!" Inner Sakura screamed and jumped around the walls in her head.  
  
_"Oh god." What is Sakura doing here...?" _Kakashi thought. Why did she have to be here?! She's gonna mouth off to everybody about this!  
  
Tenten hung her head in embarrassment when she saw Gai wave and flash his shiny teeth at her. The entire room was quite and it became awkward again.  
  
As Kakashi walked up to the front of the room, all eyes were on him as he cleared his throat  
  
The students held their breath, waiting for him to say oh-so-knowledgeable things about... that.  
  
"Sex..." Kakashi began, "Is bad... So don't do it!!"  
  
Suddenly Gai pushed Kakashi aside and laughed. "Hahaha! What he meant was that he feels so honoured to teach such a wonderful class!"  
  
Kakashi's eyes twitched as Gai continued his preach about what wonderful people they all were. Kakashi slowly walked away from Gai and inched himself towards Sakura.  
  
As he approached Sakura, she was still speechless looking up at him. Her jaw still touching the floor was really a dead give-a-way. He slowly leaned over and whispered into her ear, "This is all your fault."  
  
That helped get Sakura get out of her state of shock. "What?! What are you talking about?!"  
  
Kakashi pointed his finger and waved it at her. "If you weren't always trying to make me go deaf, I would have never complained to the Hokage and teach this class."  
  
"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!?" Sakura screamed. Kakashi covered his poor throbbing ears as the entire class turned their attention to them. (Especially Gai since he was right in the middle of a heart-felt speech.) Sakura realised that she would have to wait to yell at him when class was over.  
  
"Fine, whatever... Just teach me how to impress Sasuke."  
  
"I'm not supposed to teach you foul play!!" Kakashi totally freaked out by Sakura's remark.... How old was she?! ... Like... 12?! Did she even understand what she said?!  
  
Sakura had this annoyed look on her face, like she knew what Kakashi was thinking. "Then what are you suppose to teach me SenSEI?!"  
  
Then something hit him. "Uh oh..." He mumbled. He didn't read any of the lesson plans last night because he was to busy freaking over that stupid pop-up book!  
  
"Out of the way Kakashi! I shall handle this one!" Gai pushed Kakashi aside and gave a big smile to the girls... Kiba and Shino as well.  
  
_"Please kill me now..." _Kiba thought  
  
""Now the idea of this course is the give you the basics of intercourse, the menstrual cycle, the study of the male and female bodies, birth control and safe sex, and if we have time... the beautiful experience of childbirth and motherhood!" Gai's eyes got all shiny when he mentioned motherhood.  
  
"Um Gai...?" Kakashi poked Gai's shoulder, "Sorry to interrupt but... how do you know all this?"  
  
"I studied all the lesson plans in the book."  
  
Kakashi's eye twitched; Gai was really getting into this... which was kind of a good thing,... less work for him!   
  
"Now we aren't going to actually learn anything today..."  
  
Kakashi gave out a gigantic sigh of relief; he can read the lesson plans tonight and catch up...  
  
"On our first day, we are going to get to know each other better and get organized for the future classes. So let's move all the chairs and sit in a big circle!!" Gai did one of his 'Gai' poses. The kids moaned loudly to try to protest but did as they were told... eventually.  
  
When everybody settled down Gai looked at Kakashi. "Do you want to start...?"  
  
"No!" Kakashi said a bit to forcefully, "You... um, you can take over for today... I'm feeling um... rather sick. cough I think I'm catching Anko's cold... um, ya... that's it."  
  
"Anko..." Gai look off at the distance lovingly and gave a huge sigh. "That angel is too worthy of such a-" 

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Anko snorted loudly with a shit-load of dirty Kleenexes everywhere. In her pink housecoat and bunny slippers, she lay down on the couch watching her soaps.  
  
"No! That bastard isn't Gabriele! Don't kiss him you foo- Oh damnit!" Anko threw one of her Kleenexes at the television set. The women in the soaps were always so clueless.... She should make her own soap opera, where the men were the useless weak ones and the women made them their bitch...  
  
Thinking of this, Anko lifted her head back and laughed evilly, then began chocking on her own spit. 

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"Right...." Kakashi scooted away from Gai.  
  
"Oh yes! I almost forgot!" Gai said, "This course demands that we have a buddy system." The girls' faces lit up when Gai said that. "Which I will randomly pick out of a hat..." He pulled out a hat out of nowhere.  
  
... Their smiles quickly turned to frowns again.  
  
"Group one..." Gai grabbed two small pieces and read them out loud. "Is Ino and Sakura..."  
  
"WHAT?!" Ino and Sakura screamed together in almost perfect tone.  
  
"Um Gai... Are you sure the paper said that?" Kakashi whispered over Gai's shoulder.  
  
Gai nodded his head and shoved the tiny strips in front of him. "Yes."  
  
Kakashi whacked his head with his hand; this was going to be a loooooooong day.  
  
"Next group is-"  
  
"Hey! Wait a second! There is no way you can leave me with the ugly forehead girl!" Ino interrupted.  
  
"Same here Ino PIG!" Sakura gave Ino an evil look.  
  
So the authoress again, being too lazy to write down the details of what can be a 5 page long conversation, is going to sum up what happened in one paragraph. So after a long time Kakashi convinced Sakura and Ino to be partners and he would make it up to them somehow... but they still gave each other dirty looks. Eventually, the partners were finally made.  
  
Ino is with Sakura (DUH!). Shino and Tenten somehow got together but they didn't seem to mind as much. And Kiba ended up with some girl named Glue. And a whole bunch of girls ended up with other girls that really aren't important enough to give them names.... Let's just call them the girls.  
  
But wait! Something is missing!  
  
"Um... excuse me. But I didn't get a partner..." Hinata slowly raised her hand half way in the air.  
  
"Huh...? That's strange..." Kakashi raised a eyebrow. "This class room was suppose to have a even number..."  
  
Poor Hinata felt so out of place! "Um... what do I do?"  
  
"Don't worry... we'll find a place to put you. Until then you're going to have to hook with another group. Is that alright?"  
  
Hinata nodded her head and was put with two girls named Vanessa and Jen... and Jen and Vanessa were just watching Kiba... waiting for him to say something bad... so they could kick him!  
  
"Now that that's over with... let's begin." Kakashi clapped his hands together... then there was a long pause. "Um... right... any questions?" All the girls raised their hands except Shino and Kiba, who didn't look like they were enjoying themselves at all.  
  
"... and it can't be about foul play..." The girls put down their hands. "No questions then...?" Kakashi asked. "Good. Class dismissed!" He raised his hand up in the air and yelled.  
  
"No Kakashi!" Gai grabbed his arm and put it down. "It is our job to guide the children to the path of knowledge and make sure they don't do anything they would regret!!"  
  
"But... I don't wanna!" Kakashi pouted.  
  
"Oh my god, somebody please kill me now..." Sakura thought.  
  
Gai moved his hand and pointed to the poor un-expecting Kiba. "YOU!"  
  
"Huh? What?" Kiba looked around the classroom comfuzzled.  
  
"Yes, you! Why are you here?! Tell us your life story!" Gai yelled out totally changing the subject.  
  
"I don't wanna..." Kiba grabbed his knees and crawled into a ball.  
  
"Oh, of course you do!" Gai smiled.  
  
"Fine!" Kiba yelled, "Hello everybody-"  
  
"No no! You're doing it all wrong... You have introduced yourself first, stand up, and say your name!"  
  
_"This is so stupid..." _Kiba thought, "My name is Kiba... you all know who I am. I was the one always spitting out wet pieces of paper in your hair behind your backs... Anyway, I'm being held captive here by my own will and I'm not enjoying this at all."  
  
Kiba sat down quickly as all the girls gave him an evil look finally knowing who attacked them during classes. Jen and Vanessa just nodded their heads to each other... They had their reason....  
  
Next was Hinata: "H-hello everyone..." Hinata nodded her head slowly fiddling with a piece of paper with her hands. "My name is Hinata and I joined this course to learn more about the subject... um, I'm done now." Hinata sat down beside her partners.  
  
"My mom forced me to join this class..." Sakura begun but got interrupted by Ino.  
  
"Ya, my mom forced me too... but I guess it wouldn't hurt to learn some tricks to impress Sasuke." Ino busts into fits of giggles and Sakura gave her an evil look.  
  
Kakashi hit his hand on his forehead. "Ok... let me get something clear to you girls... This is NOT that type of sex ed. class... Almost all of you are 12 years old! You aren't supposed to even talk like that yet!!"  
  
"Are we actually going to LEARN something about sex today?!" Tenten winded sounding bored out of her skull.  
  
"Um... no-"Gai got caught off.  
  
"Ya, when are we going to learn about all them crazy sex possessions?" Ino called out; all the girls exploded into fits of giggles except Hinata, who blushed a light pink instead.  
  
"No! We aren't supposed to teach you about foul play!"  
  
So after the students pondered why they where forced to come here (mostly by mothers who didn't want to be interrupted watching their soaps.) and Kakashi point out several times that this wasn't THAT type of class. Gai told the class of what materials they would need, like pencils, erasers, money for books, binder... ect... very, very boring part of the story.  
  
That took almost most of the class time, and before they knew it. The bell rang.  
  
The girls moaned; depressed that they didn't actually learn anything today. They got up and headed out the door. "It's over..." Kakashi said. "It's over! YES!!!" He screamed out victoriously that he barely had to lift a finger. "I'm free!"  
  
So when Kakashi walked out the door, there was Sakura giving him the look; She finally got her chance to yell at him.  
  
"Um... hi."  
  
"Your already my sensei... do you really have to be my Sex Education teacher as well?!" She yelled.  
  
"Don't worry, it's not permanent.... I'll explain it to you on the way home..." 

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A/N: Oh ya... I forgot to tell you... It's like... winter time... with... snow... lot's of snow..... Ok, I'll shut up now...  
  
Naruto giggled to himself ready to launch a shit-load of snowballs to whoever was walking by the Ichiraku next. Why...? It was because he was a prankster by heart and he loved driving people crazy. "Ni ni ni ni ni! Naruto did this stupid laugh feeling really evil at the moment... --'  
  
"So..." A voice said in the distance. "Your're teaching until our REAL teacher gets better from a cold?"  
  
"Gasp! That's Sakura!" Naruto's heart skipped a beat hiding in his little snow fort. When he looked up to see his crush, his jaw dropped to the ground. "What's Sakura doing with Kakashi!?"  
  
There was Sakura with Kakashi hand in hand!! (Ok, no, they weren't hand in hand but Naruto has a crazy imagination.)  
  
"Um...." Kakashi said, "You won't tell anybody about this will you?" It would be very embarrassing if the word got out."  
  
Sakura looked down at her nails and started chewing on them, "I dunno... This can be really good blackmail material-"  
  
"Oh come on!" Kakashi said, "How about I buy you a Ramen and call it even?"  
  
"Ramen...?" Sakura raised an eyebrow. "Do I look like Naruto to you?!"  
  
"Two ramen!"  
  
"Oh fine. It's a start"  
  
So Naruto saw Sakura and Kakashi walk inside the Ichiraku ... TOGETHER!!! Audience gasps in shock  
  
_"Noooooooooooooo! Now I have to compete with Kakashi too!" _Naruto screamed in his mind not believing what he just saw. Naruto sank down in his fort trying to sink in what just happened.... He had to say calm... he had to think things threw... he had to tell NOBODY what he just saw.  
  
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"SASUKE!!!!!!!" Naruto jumped out of his fort and ran off into the distance.

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YAY! MORE POINTLESS STUFF THAT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE ORIGINAL STORY LINE!! Yippy! I'm done chapter 3! Sorry it took so long! You know... this is a long chapter for me... it's long... but not my best work. cries I hope it's to your liking... Sorry that there wasn't any actual learning about sex in this chapter... I just want to throw Naruto and Sasuke in the story before that happens.  
  
Name of Chapter 4: **Poor Naruto** Random paragraph/sentence from Chapter 4 to make you come back:  
  
**"OHMYGOD! Kakashi and Sakura are having an affair and SHE got HIM PREGNANT!" Naruto screamed at the top of his lungs.**  
  
Oh my! I am so thankful for all the reviews for chapter two! You are all very special people in my heart. At least one person complemented on a moment I really enjoyed writing... and maybe sometimes two! So, let's get on with the thank-yous cause you all deserve it!   
  
SilverKnight7: Hey! You were one of my first reviewers! Thanks!   
  
Kira-Sama: Hmm... Kakashi teaching lamas doesn't sound to bad... I might have to throw that in somewhere... looks around to find a place to put it Oh ya, about the Anko and Gai thing... I thought of the idea during art class and I dropped whatever I was doing and started laughing. (The teacher had to kick me out of the room... --) It's like... Ohmygod... it's so perfect! I can sooo see Gai stalking Anko! P.S: How can I fear the randomness of random land when I CREATED random land? OhhhhHHHHHhhhhh! Answer that punk!  
  
Bishiehuggler: Lol! I didn't expect anybody to actually answer my prop question... but you did... and you passed with flying colours!! That is actually a good answer...... but it was.... Too good... raised eyebrow  
  
DarkDemonMaster: I enjoyed the Hokage and Bob moments as well. Sorry it made you almost choke to death... oo  
  
Kimmie: HI KIMMIE! I like that name... anyway, I never heard of Aqua Teen Hunger Force... and my curiosity got the best of me so I looked it up. I didn't understand much... but what I could make out was hilarious! Something about Dr. Weird making a machine to steal other peoples right shoes from a far distance or something like that... oo  
  
KakashisNo1FanGirl: eyes get all big and shiny You... you really think this is a good story? runs to the corner and giggles heeheeheehee!  
  
Evil Sly Queen: Thanks for thinking that my story is funny.  
  
Yanagi-sama: Wow! Thanks, I didn't really know how Anko acted like.. so I just took my chances. And I was right! jigs  
  
Babowonsuni: You... eyes get all big and shiny You really think I'm evil? runs to the corner and giggles Thank you for the nice complement!   
  
Lanny: YES! Oh, how you explained how you enjoyed the stories of how Kakashi does everyday jobs and over thinks them in! It brought a tear to me eye... sniff I do think the pop-up book was one of my best works yet... let's hope I think of better ideas along the way...   
  
IceHeart19: You... eyes get all big and shiny You really think I should be proud- slaps herself Ok, I'll stop that now. But your review made me very happy. Your words gave me the strength to go on. Your encouragement made to think I could do anything... I'm thinking of putting you as my favourite reviewer... looks over at animeprincesses4, rasing a eyebrow  
  
Ame No Megami: I enjoy the Orochimaru thing too... I thought of the idea during art class and I dropped whatever I was doing and laughed my ass off... then the teacher kicked me out of the room a second time. (no one loves me... sniff)  
  
AJ the Dark Raven: Oh don't we all want Kakashi to be our sex-ed teacher. I would be so happy if he was mine... B.M goes off to dream land  
  
Fireblaze: I... eyes get all teary and big I failed you!!!! Starts crying you see... about your chocolate you gave me to make me go faster ... I ate it and was ready to type everything down but then my brother FINALY desisted he wanted to restart his Final Fantasy 6 game that's on the computer. And I barley had anytime to work on the story at all... THEN THE CHOCOLATE WORE OUT!!  
  
Animeprincesses4: Hi!! That is a good idea... Great minds think alike! I was going to throw Naruto and Sasuke in the story eventually... But you did give me a new idea with Naruto! But your going to have to wait and see what it is!! runs to the corner and giggles  
  
RSMB: raises eyebrow that is a very interesting name... makes me think of a bank for some reason... and banks are evil. Laughs evilly But yes... you seem very evil with your evil laughing and how you want everyone to suffer and die. Good job! Claps hands Oh... I'm sorry... I didn't want to give you the wrong impression that I hate Gai... I like Gai... but I think Lee is growing on me faster. Oh he is so cute! hugs Rock Lee doll  
  
Fruit-teal: Yay, I'm glad that's all cleared up. Thanks for your review. I hope I didn't make Sakura too bad ... I like her too. We seem to be the only ones who like her. O  
  
Jay-Chan3: Yay! Screw the spelling mistakes and misplaces punctuations! I'm glad you don't care about stuff like that.  
  
Death Phoenix: Thanks for the review. 


	4. Chapter 4: Poor Naruto

Title: Just for the Ladies Chapter 4: Poor Naruto Written By: BurasMew  
  
STOP RIGHT THERE! I know what you're thinking... like... what's her excuse this time... well... it's a really good one. One day about two months ago I was typing my story without a care in the world... then suddenly, the reality fairy jumped threw the hole in my wall that Captain Planet made in chapter 2, grabbed me by the collar and screamed in my face: HEY! LISTEN UP YOU LITTLE PUKE! THE FINALS ARE IN TWO MONTHS AND YOUR GRADES SUCK!!! YOU BETTER STUDY!! Me: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! ... Ya, that's what happened. Oh... also... on last thing... please don't stress that much about the few spelling mistakes... nobody is perfect... and you guys are very smart and I'm very sure that you will know what I'm trying to say... other then that, enjoy.  
  
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Poor Naruto... you see, he has this problem with jumping to conclusions. So when he sees something... for example... Sakura and Kakashi walking into the Ichiarku T O G E T H E R... the possibilities were just endless of what Naruto could be thinking.  
  
Of course he had to think of the most stupid and most unrealistic one... but that's Naruto for ya! : D  
  
"SASUKE!!!" Naruto screamed running to Sasuke's favourite training spot hoping he was there.  
  
"Damn..." Sasuke mumbled as his physic powers kicked in, knowing that Naruto was coming this way.  
  
"SASUKE!! SASUKE!" Naruto waved his arms around like a chicken with its head cut off.  
  
_"Ignore him and he might go away..." _Sasuke thought to himself, turning his back to Naruto; pretending not to see him.  
  
"Oh my god! Sasuke!" Naruto screamed finally catching up to Sasuke.  
  
"Naruto...I'm kind of busy-"  
  
"You will not believe what I just saw!" Naruto huffed trying to catch his breath. The information he holds could DESTROY THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT!!  
  
"I don't really c-"  
  
"Kakashi and Sakura are eating at the Ichiraku!"

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Then there was silence. 

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"Together!" 

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More silence.

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"...So?" Sasuke had this look on his face that just screamed, 'how dare you waste my precious royal time! I should slap you, I should!'  
  
"SO?!" Naruto screamed. "SO?!" Naruto screamed loudly in Sasuke's ear. "Sasuke, do you have any idea what that means?!"  
  
"That... Sakura and Kakashi are hungry?"  
  
"NO!" Naruto was practically jumping up and down now at this point. "They're both having an affair!"  
  
If Sasuke was eating or drinking anything... he would choke in shock... so instead, we're going to make yelled really loud. "What?!" Sasuke yelled. (see...? Told ya.) "That is the most stupid thing I ever heard you say!"  
  
"No, it's true. I saw everything!"  
  
"They walked into the Ichiraku together. So what...!? It doesn't mean anything you moron."  
  
"No! You have to believe me that they're both having a affair!"  
  
"Ok... first off, you need to CHEAT on someone to make it an affair-"Sasuke stopped and looked like he just realised something. "Wait... why should I even explain this to you? It's not like I care." Sasuke mumbled and went back to his training trying to ignore Naruto... what a bastard.  
  
Naruto crossed his arms. "You don't believe me at all, do you?"  
  
"No I don't." Sasuke said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I think you have gone crazy to even think that."  
  
Naruto looked really frustrated and began yelling louder, "Alright! I'm going to prove it to you!" He pointed his finger into Sasuke's face.  
  
Sasuke's eyebrows twitched as he moved away Naruto's germ infested finger. "Listen, even if they WERE going out, I wouldn't care anyway... So just leave me alone!"  
  
And guess who would be appearing from the corner right about now? It was Sakura in all her pink-hairiness...  
  
"Ack! It's Sakura!" Naruto screamed in a panic. "Oh my god! What are we going to do...?! What are we going to do!?" Naruto jumped up and down flinging his hands around.  
  
"How about... I continue my training... and you get away from me."  
  
"Good idea! I'll go and confront her..!" and with that, he raced after her.  
  
After kicking the air a few times, Sasuke shockingly discovered that he curious how this whole thing would turn out. He shrugged and decided followed them...  
  
"Sakura-Chan!" Naruto yelled and did his headless chicken act chasing after Sakura.  
  
The pink-haired wonder turned around thinking that somebody called her name, "Oh, it's you Naruto... hi." She said.  
  
Naruto stop almost instantly when Sakura turned around to face him. He gave this big smile and started twiddling his thumbs trying to act nice. "Hello Sakura... how's Kakashi...?"  
  
Sakura gave Naruto a questioning look and it looked very suspicious I might add, "How would I know...?"  
  
You just have to wonder right now... how long with this last? How long with these two be dancing around this subject...? Will another long five-page conversation be summarized into one paragraph? Well, I don't think so. Because there is no long conversation to summarized. Naruto snapped, unable to keep it in for more then eight seconds. But he wished that this would last longer then he hoped.  
  
So Naruto opened his big mouth and began yelling, "The gig is up Sakura! I know all about you and Kakashi!!"  
  
Sakura's eyes grew wide with shock, "How... how did you know?!" She cried out. It was over before it even begun! She was caught taking the number one most embarrassing classes known to man.  
  
"I saw Kakashi and you in front of the Ichiraku! I know everything!"  
  
"Oh." Sakura looked down at her feet and didn't say anything for a while. She guessed he overheard Kakashi and herself talking about the Sex Ed course. "Well..." She begun and looked up at Naruto, "I hope you can just forget about it now...?"  
  
"Forget about it?! No way!" Naruto grabbed Sakura's arm and started dragging her away.  
  
"NARUTO! What are you doing?!" Sakura screamed in a panic trying to get free from his grip.  
  
"We are going to Kakashi's and confront him!" Naruto said still dragging Sakura as if she was as light as a feather.  
  
"What?!" Sakura screamed again. "D-D-Don't you think your taking this a... little bit too far?" She said in a panic.  
  
Naruto cringed. "No I don't! What your doing... It's just gross and wrong!! Sakura... how could you do something like that?! HOW COULD YOU!?"  
  
"Well, I admit it's a little disturbing... but it's not like I wanted to do it. My mother forced me! "  
  
Naruto instantly stopped in his tracks almost falling down in the process, "Your mother forced you to do it!?!"  
  
"Ya, she was too chicken to do it herself." When Sakura said those words, Naruto's jaw dropped to the ground and his poor little mind would never be the same again.  
  
"Your mother..." Naruto repeated, "EW! Sakura, why would you want to go threw that with your own mom?!"  
  
"Well, it's a lot better then some stupid, old man that you barely know!" Sakura said. Why was Naruto getting emotional about her taking a sex ed. course?! It really isn't that gross.... Is it? ...And wait... how long was Sasuke standing there?  
  
"Ah! Sasuke-kun!" Sakura jumped almost five feet in the air. "H-How long were you behind me?!" She said being so surprised that she didn't see him sneaking behind them. "You don't know about the..." Sakura paused and looked around, "The 'thing'... do you?"  
  
Now... one just has to wonder what could be going on in Sasuke's mind right this second. _"Wow... what a ho'" _He thought. 

.

"This is for you!" Gai threw at Kakashi, from what it seemed to be a pillowcase.  
  
Kakashi raised his eyebrow holding the unknown item. "Um... thank you?" He said in a confused voice.  
  
"You're supposed to wear it." Gai coughed.  
  
Kakashi starred at Gai for a few seconds questioning about his sanity. "...A pillow?"  
  
Gai lifted his head back and laughed, "No, no, no! It's a bag filled with sand and you strap it around your neck."  
  
"Oh... I see!" Kakashi said as if all the questions in the universe have suddenly been answered.... Wait a second! No it didn't! "... But why?"  
  
"For unfortunate males like us to experience the wonders of carrying a baby!!" Gai's eyes became all big and shiny again.  
  
"Gai! We are the teachers. We don't have to actually do things like this... Make Shino and Kiba do it. They are the ones who have to learn this."  
  
"And we are the ones who must teach it! For us to teach it... we ourselves must experience it!!" And with that, Gai threw on the pregnant belly around Kakashi.  
  
"Joy..." Kakashi mumbled under his breath. 

.

"Ah! Sasuke-kun! How long were you behind us?!" Sakura said in shock.  
  
Sasuke stared at Sakura as if he had something else on his mind for a few seconds. "Oh... uh, not long." He finally replied nodding his head.  
  
"Hello!" Naruto said in his whiny voice with his hands on his hips. "Are we going to Kakashi's house or not!?"  
  
"Ya, sure. Why not..." Sakura shrugged knowing that she should just get it over with. She knew deep down that she would have to tell her fellow teammates... but she didn't think she would have to so quickly.  
  
So the three started their journey to Kakashi's house... the journey was filled with adventure, betrayal, romance, action, suspense, tragedy, and sex. But that is a completely different story altogether and we just have no time to go over it.  
  
Anyway, the three finally got on Kakashi's porch and knocked on the door a few times. When the door finally opened, to their horror, there was Kakashi with what seemed to be a gigantic bloated stomach.  
  
Naruto's jaw dropped to the floor and looked like he was going to go into a 'attack thingy'. Even Sakura looked a bit shocked.  
  
Sasuke, finding this the most awkward moment in his life only said, "I don't want to know." And left Kakashi's property.  
  
"Oh my god!" Naruto yelled. "I was right! Sakura and Kakashi ARE having a affair and she got him pregnant!"  
  
"WHAT?!" Sakura screamed, "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!"  
  
"Naruto, did I just hear right?!" Kakashi almost snapped. I can assure you those were the last words Kakashi would expect Naruto to say.  
  
"Ya, the gig is up old man!" Naruto finally snapped out of his state of shock and pointed his finger at Kakashi. "I know all about Sakura and you and I wont stand by as you ruin her life."  
  
Kakashi stared at Naruto as if he went crazy... which he wouldn't be surprised if he did.  
  
"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT YOU MORON!?" Sakura repeated again with her fists clamped together. She was ready to give him hell for giving her such a disgusting thought.  
  
"Naruto, have you gone mad?!" Kakashi yelled trying to get that gross image out of his mind. (Come on, let's face it. Kakashi and Sakura together... it's just totally wrong. Like... EW.)  
  
_"Why are they so angry at me? Is it because I discovered Kakashi's evil plot? No... that can't be it. Sakura wouldn't be yelling in my ear if I did that." _Then something clicked inside Naruto. It came in his mind so fast it felt like his face got smashed by a baseball bat... or a metal pole... or a subway sandwich. Meh, either way it felt like he got hit in the face with something big and hard. "Oh... wait." Naruto said slowly. "You two aren't going out then...?"  
  
The next scene has to be skipped for its disgusting violence and Naruto ass kicking. Viewers please don't be discouraged, for there is going to be plenty of goodness to show you later on. Anyway, we now bring you to the story, which is already in progresses:  
  
Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura are uncomfortably sitting on Kakashi's small couch sipping some nice tea, still having no idea why Kakashi is pregnant.  
  
Especially Naruto since he just got his ass kicked by Sakura. _"Ow..." _He thought to himself trying to stop his noise from bleeding.  
  
Kakashi noticed his students starring at his stomach. He finally said, "I'm not pregnant."  
  
Group 7 exhaled, relaxed they're shoulders, and looked a lot more comfortable.  
  
"Well, you sure did let yourself go this afternoon." Sasuke mumbled under his breath.  
  
"Ya, and when did you get boobs?" Naruto asked out of nowhere. Sakura felt like smacking Naruto right upside the head.  
  
"... I'm wearing a pregnant belly."  
  
Then there was another long uncomfortable silence between everybody that seemed like... 3 hours... but it was only 20 seconds.  
  
"But... why?" Sasuke asked trying really hard not to care less, but it was sooo obvious he really wanted to know.  
  
"Why...?" Kakashi repeated and scratched the back of his head. "No reason." He lied; obviously because Kakashi didn't want to tell his students about his new class.  
  
Naruto and Sasuke had this look on their faces saying 'I don't believe you' and 'Ew...'  
  
"Kakashi, we know you're lying so you should just say it." Sasuke yawned trying not to look like he cared... but he soooo did! deja-vu  
  
"Wait!" Naruto interrupted and turned to his fellow male partner. "Do we really want to know Sasuke? Like... Come on... He's wearing fake boobs."  
  
"Hmm... Ya, for once, your right." Sasuke's eyes widened and nodded his head.  
  
Now all this time, Sakura was having the cutest little Chibi grin on her face with her cheeks so red because she was about to burst with laughter. After two milliseconds of torture... thinking that she couldn't take this anymore, she stood up from her seat giving a cat smile and pointed to Kakashi.  
  
"Kakashi-sensei is teaching a sex-education course!!" Sakura screamed at the top of her lungs in delight.  
  
Ssssssh! 

.

Listen.......  
  
...Crickets.  
  
"BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!" Naruto fell on the floor laughing and grabbing onto his gut. "Oh my stomach! It hurts!" He cried out in pain as he whipped tears away with his other arm.  
  
"AHH! You promised you wouldn't tell anybody! Squealer! I take back my ramen!" Kakashi started screaming at Sakura about how he can never trust her again and she was no longer his favourite student.  
  
Naruto was still having a laughing fit on the floor when Kakashi stopped screaming at Sakura. He looked down at Naruto and sighed. "Ok... You can stop now. It's not that funny." He said. While Kakashi attempting to pick up the hysteric boy off the floor, Sasuke mumbled something under his breath that sounded something like, "What do you know about sex?" 

.

Ladies and Gentlemen! Do we have a special treat for you!! BurasMew is once again proud to show another.... BOB AND HOKAGE MOMMENT!!  
  
The Hokage sighed deeply looking into Bob's dark brown eyes. There was just something about them when Bob has that broom in his hand. He had this glow, this aura, around him.  
  
It was that... whenever Bob the janitor was near him... The Hokage felt safe.  
  
"Um... Hokage-sama?" Bob waved his hand around the Hokage face to see if he was all right. It just didn't look right to see your boss sigh and giggle from time to time like a teenage schoolgirl.  
  
"Hu-Huh?...What?!" The Hokage snapped out of his trance.  
  
"Um... I just wanted to tell you that I'm done sweeping the floor and I'm going to work on the windows now..." Bob said trying not to make eye contact with him.  
  
"Oh... Okay." The Hokage nodded his head. "Um... Bob. I have something to tell you."  
  
"Oh... um, what is it?" Bob asked oh-so innocently taking out his Windex.  
  
"I... I just want you to know that for the last three weeks you volunteered to clean up this place... I am forever grateful-"  
  
"Volunteered?" Bob interrupted. "I thought I was going to get paid for this!"  
  
The Hokage blinked. "O-Oh! D... Did I say volunteered?! Of course you're getting paid! W-Why would I say you volunteered??" The Hokage coughed. "That-that's so absurd! COUGH! COUGH! COUGH! COUGH! COUGH...!"  
  
"Hokage... are you chocking again?" bob asked.  
  
"Ya..." The Hokage sighed and slumped back into his chair, "I'm fine... go clean the windows..."  
  
Bob shrugged, "Ok." 

.

.

"Hey I have an idea...! How about you join my class." Kakashi said.  
  
Sasuke was about 5 milliseconds away from giving his teacher the finger but as for Naruto... it was a different story.  
  
"Wow! Really?!" Naruto yelled getting really excited having no idea what sex ed. is REALLY like.  
  
"Hmm, you sure seem happy about this." Kakashi laughed nervously. His attention soon turned to Sasuke. "Sasuke... how about you?" He asked pretending not catching his rude gesture earlier.  
  
"No thank you!" He said almost too quickly.  
  
"Oh come on Sasuke!" Sakura squealed. "You can sit right beside me!"  
  
Sasuke's eye widened a bit. Hearing all those rumours about sex ed. courses.  
  
"Uh, Sakura. No he can't. Your partnered with Ino remember." Kakashi said.  
  
"Gahh! You just have to remind me don't you!?" She yelled.  
  
Kakashi scratched the back of his head; trying to ignore Sakura's ranting and raving. "Anyway... what do you say Sasuke?"  
  
"I said I don't want to go!" Sasuke hissed trying to make it clear that he did not likey classy.  
  
Kakashi's eye narrowed. "You're going."  
  
"No! You can't do that!" He said.  
  
"Yes I can. I'm making it out of a mission. We are going to suffer as a team together, if you like it or not." Kakashi smiled under his mask and patted Sasuke's head.  
  
"Suffer...?" Naruto said. "Gahh! Wait a minute! You didn't say anything about suffering!!" He yelled.  
  
"No, I didn't. Anyways-"Kakashi pushed his students towards the door, "It was great having you here for such a nice visit but my back is really hurting." Just as Kakashi scooted his students out the door he just realized something. "Oh no!" He said. "We still have a odd number of students!" He realised that he didn't fix the problem by adding Sasuke and Naruto. If he never forced Sasuke he would have had that problem solved.  
  
"Oh ya. We still need a partner for Hinata..." Sakura said under her breath.  
  
"You need a even number of students?" Naruto asked. And guess who just turned around the corner for a nice long walk... well... it was Neji. "Hey Neji!!" Naruto yelled at the top of his lungs. "How would you like to be in Kakashi-sensei's sex education class?!"  
  
"TELL THE WHOLE WORLD WHY DON'T YOU?!" Kakashi screamed.  
  
Neji raised an eyebrow and looked really uncomfortable for a millisecond. "No." He said and continued on his marry way.  
  
Naruto shrugged, "Well, I tried." 

.

.

"I have great news everybody!" Gai called out to his students and pointing a finger off in the distance.  
  
"Hooray!" Rock Lee jumped in the air all excited. "Tell us the news Gai- sensei! Tell us!"  
  
"My students... you... you are going to be taught in my sex education class!" He yelled showing his shiny while teeth.  
  
It then became extremely silent... even Rock Lee was at a lost of words.  
  
"Been there... done that..." Tenten thought already knowing about the class and decided to watch her fellow students' reactions.  
  
"Gai-sensei..." Rock Lee begun, "With all due respect... that was the last thing I would have expected to come out of your mouth."  
  
Neji frowned, for some reason he knew this would come back and slap him across the face. "It seems destiny wants me to take this class... I have no choice not to go."  
  
"Wait! Yes you do!" Tenten yelled, "You don't have your mother forcing you to learn about this type of stuff. Damnit Neji! YOU'RE A GUY!"  
  
Neji seemed unaffected by Tenten's out roar. "Pfff, whatever." He said... and that is the ending of our story...  
  
Wait... no. I mean chapter... my bad.  
  
###################################################   
  
Well, that's it! Hope you liked it. Read and Review. Make Love and not War... cough If you guys ever wonder when I might have my next chapter up, it shows on my profile the updates that I do on my stories. Anyway... Here is a sneak preview in chapter 5!  
  
Name of chapter 5: **Poor Sasuke **Random paragraph/sentence from Chapter 5 to make you come back:  
  
**Sasuke was letting the whole know that he was pissed. Especially a white fluffy kitty he kicked earlier** No cats were hurt in the making this chapter  
  
Now to thank you for all the reviews you gave me. Don't you just love it when the writer wrights back to the reviewer to know that they're reviews have been read and greatly appreciated? I just LOVE that! Since I'm really tired today, I'm just going to make a big list of the reviewers and give them a big hug instead:  
  
huggies lanny, Jay-Chan3, Reius Devirix, animeprincess4, Kimmie, yusrah, Icchear19, ys, Zero Iha, KakashisNo1Fangirlhuggies  
  
I love you all!  
  
BurasMew 


	5. Chapter 5: Poor Sasuke

Title: Just for the Ladies

Chapter 5: Poor Sasuke

Written by: BurasMew

Hey hey! How is everybody? This is the fifth chapter of Just for the Ladies and I'm very shocked that it's being such a big suggests so far. I've never imaged to get so many reviews… I was thinking I would get about 20 reviews so far… not 70! … Not bad for my first fanfic? Huh?

I warn you, this chapter is short and just a bit rushed, but hopefully it will be forgiven with a very special surprise for you at the end of the chapter. I've just have such a busy two weeks with the Prom, Canada day, La Ronde, and St. Jean Baptiste… crazy, crazy two weeks. O.o

I don't own Naruto.

#########################################################

Poor Sasuke… He seems to be the only sane one in the entire village… except for Bob; that new janitor the Hokage hired two weeks ago. But anyway, the point is that really stupid people everyday continuously surround Sasuke. This is why he gets depressed so easily.

His teacher Kakashi is stupid. Kakashi's stupid because for some reason he is teaching a sex education class for who knows how long. That alone… makes him really stupid.

His teammate Sakura is stupid. Sakura's stupid because she has been in Kakashi's sex education class for who knows how long. That alone… makes it even more uncomfortable to be around her.

His other teammate Naruto is really stupid. Naruto's stupid because he thought for about fifteen minutes that Kakashi and Sakura are having an affair. First off… he didn't even know that in an affair… you needed to cheat on somebody. Hence, everybody decided to lay that subject down and never speak about it again. Because the idea of Sakura and Kakashi going out is just wrong. Even if it's in a fanfic… of course it isn't if she is like… grown up and stuff… but besides that. It's just gross. But there are a lot more reasons that make Naruto stupid… I just don't feel like getting to deep into that subject.

But what's the point in all this? Why am I showing what Sasuke thinks of other people…? Is it to show that Sasuke thinks that everybody is really dumb …? That he's full of himself? Or it is that Sasuke is just an alone little child who likes to insult people to make himself feel more confidant in himself…?

If you answered yes any of those three questions… there is a good chance your right. I'd be dammed if I know…

"This is stupid!" Sasuke hissed. "I can't believe that I'm going to a class where they teach you about sex. I don't need to know about this stuff! I don't care! I-"

So Sasuke continued to complain while walking closer and closer to ninja academy. He was letting the whole know that he was pissed. Especially a white fluffy kitty he kicked earlier. His eyes twitched while putting his fingers in the fence. _"I never thought I would come back here."_

"Sasuke, you're here early." A voice said behind him. Sasuke turned around to see Kakashi with a belly full of sand.

"I am?" He asked.

"Yes… class doesn't start in a hour."

…

…

"Damnit!" He yelled.

"Now let's go inside... my back is killing me…!" Kakashi whined dragging Sasuke inside.

So Sasuke sat down in his old seat and stood still for about fifteen minutes watching Kakashi soak his feet in cold water.

"Ah, this is heaven…" He would hear Kakashi mumbled while his legs were in a gigantic tin tub.

Thankfully, Sasuke's attention turned to the entrance when Gai walked in, but again averted his eyes when he was Gai wearing a pregnant belly thingy as well.

"Kakashi!" Gai called out, "I see you brought one of your students to join the class."

"Naruto is coming soon as well…" Kakashi said having difficulty kneeling over.

"Yes, Rock Lee has joined as well! Isn't that right Lee?!" Gai yelled sounding all proud as Rock Lee dragged himself in the classroom.

"Hello everybody…" Rock Lee said in a very depressing voice.

"Wait… Rock Lee is joining?!" Kakashi yelled.

"I just said that Kakashi. Didn't you hear me?"

"Ohmygod! Gai, you just fixed our problem with the odd number of students! … Hey… How come you don't have boobs like mine does?" Kakashi said sounding very upset.

Just as Kakashi said those words, somebody came in wearing a huge trench coat and a hat. The person was also wearing glasses and a scarf to cover the rest of the face.

"Um…" Gai mumbled scratching his chin, "Neji is taking the course as well."

"Silence!" Neji yelled, "I told you not to say my name when we are here!"

…

…

"Noo! Gai, now we're right where we started!" Kakashi said sitting back down and put his feet inside the pot.

So the longest hour that seemed for Sasuke finally passed half way. "CAN'T WE JUST START THE CLASS AND GET THIS OVER WITH!?!" Sasuke screamed.

The students who were already present turned quite and looked at the raving Sasuke.

"… What? … I got impatient." He replied.

"I DID IT!!" A voice screamed down the hall quickly followed by Shikamaru being thrown in the room all tied up with rope. Ino then appeared and put her foot on his back. "Choji got away but I managed to get Shikamaru here."

Shikamaru didn't' say anything and just lied down on the floor until Ino forced him up and sat him down. "Now you stay here and be nice to the others."

Shikamaru just looked really evilly at Ino, _"This is the most troublesome thing I'll ever have to go through in my life."_ Shikamaru thought.

When Ino turned around to talk to 'the girls', Shikamaru came up with one conclusion, _"Forget it! The work is worth it to get out of here!"_ So Shikamaru got up from his seat and started hopping towards the door and to his oh-so-wonderful freedom.

"Oh no you don't!" Ino said catching Shikamaru in the corner of her eyes and jumped on him.

"No! I was so close!" Shikamaru started crying being only 3 cm to the door.

Eventually Shikamaru got put to the back corner of the room where the rest of the boys were hiding.

"Why…WHY ARE THERE SO MANY GIRLS HERE?! MAKE THE MADNESS STOP!!" Kiba screamed at the top of his lungs shaking Shino back and forth.

Shino then slapped Kiba really hard across the face. "Did that work?" Shino asked in the monotone voice.

"… A little bit." He mumbled.

"Wait a second…" Naruto said sitting on a backwards chair, "This is a sex ed. class right?" Everybody looked at Naruto as if he was the most stupid living thing to exist. "Well… why is everybody acting so weird? Isn't this a cool class?"

"It's more educational then cool." Shikamaru explained still tied up, "And at our age… it's considered very uncool to talk about it with adults, let alone your parents. Plus, every time a male organ is going to be said, which will be a lot, the room will be explode with the sound of giggling girls… and I just can't stand that sound."

"O… kay…" Naruto said. "But… who's the guy in the coat?" He pointed to Neji who was sitting right beside him.

"It's Neji." Sasuke mumbled under his breath.

"I told you all not to say my name in this room!" Neji demanded.

"Neji, give it up. We all know it's you and you're looking like a ass, so just take all the stuff off." Sasuke said.

"Damn…" Neji swore under his breath as he began to strip down into his normal clothes.

After that, the boys became quite until the class actually started.

"Everybody!!" Gai screamed while Kakashi was still relaxing his feet inside the little tub. Everyone turned to Gai, as they seemed hypnotized watching Gai's pregnant belly flopping around. "Since we have some new students, we're going to make then get new partners and it's so nice to see Ino volunteering to bring one of her friends here which actually fixes out uneven number of students."

_"More like forced…"_ Shikamaru thought.

"Hence the partners will be decided randomly by this hat!" Gai cried out putting out the same hat as last time.

So Naruto, Sasuke, Neji, Rock Lee, Shikamaru, and Hinata put there names into the hat and held their breath waiting to find out whom they been put up with…

BurasMew is proud to yet again… to show you another _special moment_. But this is not a Bob and Hokage moment. It's even better! It's actually a fanfic based on my fanfic. You might have read it if you've read the reviews in my story… but if that's not your thing; you get to read it here.

NuttyScribbler wrote a small story based on Just For The Ladies and I am so proud to post it along with my story. Remember, what you're going to read has NOTHING to do with the actual story. It's like a fanfic inside a fanfic… am I repeating myself? So when/if you review, don't forget to give NuttyScribbler praise or two because she deserves it!

Title: The Power of Ramen

Written By: NuttyScribbler

A minific inside a fanfic… enjoy  
  
Kakashi leaned over and whispered into the blonde boy's ear, "I'll treat you to all you can eat ramen fest at Ichiraku if you attend the class."  
  
Blue eyes widened and Naruto shouted enthusiastically, "YOSH! I'll be there!"  
  
"Only if you can get Sasuke to come along," Kakashi finished, smiling slyly underneath his mask.  
  
Naruto scrunched up his face in thought for a minute before turning to Sasuke, "Oi - you're coming right."  
  
"No."  
  
"Why not?" Naruto wailed. Sasuke, Sakura and Kakashi winced. "I did save your sorry ass from Orochimaru."  
  
"I'll rather die," his raven haired teammate replied flatly.  
  
"But it's all you can eat ramen! You can't do this to me. And it's educational!"  
  
"You stupid fool," Sasuke grabbed the dobe for being the dobe he is, "That is what happens in Sex Ed class!" he yelled, pointing at Kakashi's inflated middle.  
  
"Hey," Kakashi glared indignantly at the blatant insult.  
  
"You'll get pregnant?" Naruto still did not get it.  
  
"No!" Sasuke continued to yell in frustration, "You have to put on this stupid pregnant belly and parade around!"  
  
"What's wrong with that?" To our beloved whiskered protagonist, anything can be justified for ramen.  
  
"Think of my reputation; i can't go waddling around town like a duck," Sasuke cried, thoroughly distraught.  
  
"Aww...Sasuke-kun, I'll love you all the same!" Sakura tried comforting him.  
  
The lure of all you can eat ramen fest was too great for Naruto; it made him devious. "Oh, Sasuke-chan is too scared to go for sex ed classes because he's afraid he'll wind up looking like a sissy he is in front of his fangirls," Naruto said mockingly.  
  
"Naruto!" Sakura yelled.  
  
Sasuke's eyes turned Sharingan red as his anger built up. How dare that dobe call him a sissy!  
  
"Of course, an outstanding ninja like me isn't afraid of something like a pregnant belly; not even such a hedious thing is an obstacle for me," Naruto continued, eyeing Sasuke's countenance. "Sasuke-chan on the other hand..."  
  
"You're on, you big fat dobe!" Sasuke yelled. There were only so many insults on his fragile ego he can take.  
  
Naruto smirked. Kakashi smiled. Sakura squealed. Sasuke fell for it hook, line and sinker.  
  
"In fact, I propose a little bet," Sasuke itched to wipe that smug look off that bratty genin's face. He turned to Kakashi, "Does this class have exams at the end of it?"  
  
"Ahh...yes, i suppose," Kakashi said, unsure.  
  
"Alright; Dobe - if you get beat me in the final test, i'll treat you to ramen, all you can eat."  
  
"You're on!" Naruto enthused happily. He couldn't believe his luck! He has already one all you can eat ticket under his belt since Sasuke's going to the sex Ed class. If he can just beat Sasuke's sorry ass in class he, he'll have two all you can eat ramen fests.  
  
"But if you lose, you'll have to wear the pregnant belly," Sasuke said evilly, "for a week."  
  
Kakashi and Sakura gasped; that was too much! Surely Naruto wasn't going to accept such an offer. Naruto has as much chance beating Sasuke academically as he has surviving without ramen.  
  
Naruto bobbed his head up and down.  
  
This only proves the incredible power of ramen.  
  
On Naruto alone anyway.

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Short? Ya, I know it happens. But, we can't all have long chapters in stories… So, who is going to be paired up with whom!? Isn't the suspense killing you?!

Oh, and guess what?! I got my first flame! Pulls a rope and graffiti falls down on her YAY! jigs

I was wondering when I would finally get one.. it was like… just waiting to happen. When I read it I knew I shouldn't have made a big deal out of it… but fifteen minutes later I couldn't get it out of my head and begun to get really depressed and I knew I wouldn't get over it until I cried on my mommy's shoulder… so I woke her up. (I read the review in the morning)

Me: sniff Mommy…?

Mom: …uh?

Me: I got my first flame…

Mom: … what?

Me: starting crying A BAD REVIEW!!

Mom: Oh… Well, you can sleep with me for a while.

Me: sniff… ok. crawls in bed

Mom: Hey… shouldn't' you call Liz to see if she needs a lift to the prom…?

Me: blink … oh ya. See ya! Jumps out of bed

The moral of that pointless story…? Don't let a flame ruin your prom… It will destroy your night.

Name of chapter 6: **Poor Hinata**

Random paragraph/sentence from Chapter 5 to make you come back:

"… Kakashi!" Anko screamed while breaking down the doors. "I'm back so you better pay your end of the bet!"

Now on to the thanks from my reviewers!

AJ the Dark Raven: I'm glad you enjoy my Hokage and Bob pairing. They should marry had have children…

Go Team Girl: Good bye to you too person! Wasn't that prom great…? Go Team Girl is really my friend Liz

pai: A big thank you for you! You were the one who really helped my got out of my depressing Ohmygod! I got my first flame moment. So… lot's of love for you! give you cookies

jdanimefreackyperson: I wish I knew who Squigy is.

Shanny-gull: ''''' You're a cow and should burn in hell. No, I'm joking. Flames are welcome here… but as I said in the first chapter… you just proved to yourself that you're a stupid jerk kicks more random things

H4t5uh4ru: Ahhh! Your name makes my head hurt! starts twitching on the floor having heart-attack Thanks for your review

The Fox of burden: I agree that Neji taking sex ed is a bit hard to imagine… I'm sorry if they seem out of character most of the time…

Kamikakushi: Oh thank you so much for adding my story to your favourites… will you marry me?

Iceheart19: Ha! I bet you thought I wouldn't fix that uneven problem huh?

Ayce Shate: '_this is quite funny, since it's a comedy in a non-stupid kind of way'_ Those words will stay in my heart forever

NuttyScribbler: Once again… thank you for your mini story. I hope you'll review again in the future.

Vanilla Yumez: Thanks for the review!

Unmei0wa0fushigi: That's cool….

Night-Owl123: Hey… I remember you! You review my story before! Thanks!

Radical-Seto: Thanks!

Kimmie: I was hoping to praise you earlier by a e-mail but I can't see one. Well, I hope you're still inspired to draw a fanart still. I would love to see it!

KakashisNo1Fangirl: You just gotta love the pregnancy belly thingy…!

Jaid Skywalker: But Gai has his moments.

Jane: Thanks!

RSMB: Hey! It's the guy's name that reminds me of a bank! Your back! I hope your jaw is better.


	6. Chapter 6: Poor Hinata

Title: Just For the Ladies

Chapter 6: Poor Hinata

Written By: BurasMew

BurasMew: Wow! Another chapter up in just a few days! jigs This is crazy, I already have chapter 7 written down and paper and I'm starting to work on chapter 8! I'm on a freaking roll baby! Is there anything pointless in my life that I should tell you about?

Oh, yes… there is.

I PASSED MY FINALS! I'M GOING TO GRADE 11!! THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I'M GOING IN THE NEXT GRADE WITHOUT HAVING TO GO TO SUMMER SCHOOL OR REPEATING ANOTHER GRADE! jigs Thank you, reality fairy for making me study. Fairy gives thumbs up

However… watches friends already going to collage in September

cries

Silverwing: That's what you get for failing grade 7.

BurasMew: … what are you doing here? This is my story!

Silverwing: I can't believe you're already at chapter 6 and you didn't even introduce me yet! I'm always in your author's notes… ALWAYS!

BurasMew: You don't even know what Naruto is!

Silverwing: Oh ya?! Well, I'm going to college in two months and your not!

BurasMew: gets angry and throws Silverwing out of the fanfic AND STAY OUT!

Sorry about that.

I don't own Naruto

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Poor Hinata… no… wait… happy Hinata!! Did her ears deceive her?! Did she hear just right?! Was she just paired up with Naruto?!?

"E-excuse me…" Hinata called out with all her strength. "Whom am I paired up with?"

Gai lifted up his hands with two papers being held by two fingers. "Naruto." He said.

Hinata's heart skipped a beat and then a smile began to grow on her face. This was just too good to be true! It had to be a dream! She began blushing from the thought alone of being partnered with Naruto. Hinata tried to cover her red burning cheeks with her hands.

As for Naruto; he didn't seem that fazed. "Better then being paired up with Sasuke or Neji." He said to no one in particular and waved at Hinata. "Hello Hinata."

"H-h-hello N… Naruto-kun." She whispered as Naruto approached her.

"Shall we find a seat and sit down?"

Hinata blushed a deeper red and nodded her head. "Oh yes! Of course!" She replied as if he just asked her to marry her. So they found a place at the front and settled down.

"Are you all ready for the next team?!" Gai screamed while shoving his fist into the hat that controlled the young ninjas' fate. Gai slowly pulled his hand out of the hat, and then bit-by-bit began unfolding the papers apart. Echoes of uncoupling paper were heard throughout the room.

"Will you just tell us already?!" Sasuke screamed causing everybody in the class to jump five feet in the air. 'The girls' turned to Sasuke and looked at him as if he was crazy.

"What…?!" Sasuke yelled raising his hands for self-defence. "He was dragging it out for eight minutes!"

"Gai, just give me the papers." Kakashi said looking quite annoyed and snatching them out of Gai's hands. Scanning what the papers said his eyes grew wide with shock and then looked down at two specific students out of pity. "… It says Sasuke and Neji."

The room turned into a deadly silence as Neji and Sasuke stared at each other… glairing… glaring into each other's eyes filled with passion of killing one another.

"I want another partner." They both said at the same time facing their teachers.

Gai rapped his arms around the hat looking very offended. "You dare question the sacred hat?!"

"Perhaps it is a good idea to give them different partners." Kakashi suggested trying to take the hat out of Gai's hands.

"No!" Gai said. "The hat had spoken and you can't take that back! Sasuke and Neji are going to be partners!"

Sasuke and Neji pulled out their kunai knives getting ready to kill each other; preferring to die than to be partners.

_"How troublesome… I'm stuck with the hairy guy."_ Shikamaru thought while watching the two Jônin's separate Sasuke and Neji.

.  
.

After a while Sasuke and Neji calmed down and sat down giving evil glares at each other… since who are they to argue with the sacred hat?? After all… they are just ninjas. They HAD to be partners… but they were allowed to hate every second of it. The hat allowed that.

"Whew… now that we got that over with, let's begin with-"

"CHILD CARE AND MOTHERHOOD!" Kakashi interrupted screaming very loudly.

"What?!" Gai said.

"Y-ya." Kakashi chuckled nervously. "Let's start the course with the… less disturbing subject and work our way up."

Gai's eyes became all shiny and wide. "Gasp! Really?!" He asked with tears flowing down like rivers.

"Uh, ya sure."

"ALRIGHT EVERYONE!!" Gai screamed out pointing at the students with his aura around him again. "We're going to begin by teaching you to become, and if you ever choose to be, a parent!"

Sasuke's eyes twitched. _"What?"_

"This part is the main reason why your're in partners." As Gai began his speech about parenting and how it won't be easy but very rewarding in the end and stuff like that Kakashi still had his feet in the water. Gai then walked around the classroom placing one egg on each desk.

Neji and Sasuke glared at the egg having a looking their face saying: 'I don't like where this is going…'

"Uh… what's with the eggs Gai-sensei?" Tenten asked receiving one of her own.

Gai then walked in front of the classroom and shouted for everyone to hear, "These eggs are your children! You must take care of them as if they were your own!!"

It didn't take long for all the students to drop their jaws and have a look on there face which strangely resembled something like this: O

"WHAT?!" Sakura screamed. "Kakashi what is the meaning of this?!"

"Huh?" Kakashi said. "Uh… Parenting skills… egg… kid… stuff." Kakashi mumbled under his breath.

"What he means is that you are your partners with be raising an egg as your own child and will be marked on how well you take care of it."

"An egg…?! How can you tell how we treat an egg?!" Kiba asked rather frustrated. He then looked at his partner; a girl named Glue. She had those disturbing cross eyes that you sometimes see working in fast food restaurants and you try to not let that bother you but you just can't help it and stare every rudely at the person the whole time you try to order you meal.

Glue turned to look at Kiba.

Kiba turned his head and looked at another direction and scratched the back of his head.

"Don't worry about that… we have our own ways." Gai blinked assuring the students. Everyone looked around rather uncomfortable and paranoid.

"Oh Kakashi, We need the students to fill out those forms." Gai said remembering.

"Oh ya… forms." Kakashi mumbled pulling out papers out of nowhere becoming very interesting in his book he was reading a few minuets ago.

"Is Kakashi-sensei reading that novel again…?" Sakura asked to herself while Gai passed out more papers.

.  
.

"N-Naruto-kun…?" Hinata said reading the paper and grabbing a pencil near her. "It says we should name our…" Hinata's cheeks turned a bright pink at the thought. "…Child."

"Oh… ok." Naruto said being clueless as ever. "But shouldn't we decide on the sex fist before a name?"

"Oh, yes your right."

"How about a boy…?" Naruto asked.

"Well… um…" Hinata paused. "I was hoping for a girl…"

"Wanna 'rock, paper, scissors' for it then?" Naruto asked putting his fist up to Hinata's face.

"Uh… Alright!" Hinata giggled.

ROCK

PAPER

SCISSORS!

Hinata had Rock and Naruto had scissors.

"Oh wow! I won!" Hinata smiled.

"Humph. I guess we can't always get what we want…" Naruto mumbled resting his hands on his head. "Oh! But then I get to name our egg!" He jumped out of his seat excited about the idea.

"O-okay Naruto. What do you want to name her?" She blushed again. It felt so great to be around him… she just loved his hyper and exciting personality.

"Hmm…" Naruto put his thumb on his chin and thought for a while. "… How about… Narumi?"

Hinata gleamed nodding her head in agreement. "Narumi is a nice name for a girl." So she wrote it down.

.  
.

"If it will be a girl, she will be a ninja of stealth and great beauty like I! If it is a man, he shall be strong and will never give up as well!!" Rock Lee cried out putting his hands in a fist and his eyes began to burn. "However…" He quickly calmed down and relaxed his shoulders. Rock Lee turned to Shikamaru and said, "I don't know how to choose."

"Just pick a name out of a hat like Gai."

"Hmm… what a good idea!" Rock Lee said stealing a hat from some girl in front of him. He wrote down 'girl' and 'boy' on two pieces of paper dropped them into the hat and then quickly took them out. "It says 'girl'." Rock Lee said informing Shikamaru.

"That's nice." Shikamaru yawned half asleep.

"But we have another problem."

Shikamaru sighed. "What is it now…?"

"Who… who shall be the mother figure?"

Those words really help Shikamaru wake up. "WHAT?!"

"Well… we can't _BOTH_ be the father… unless we're like…. _that_.

Shikamaru's eyes narrowed. "I can't believe this." He muttered to himself; this type of situation needed lots of brain activity and concentration…. Which he thought was too troublesome at the time. "Just… pick it out of a hat again."

"Al…alright." Rock Lee said and repeated the processed. "It says…"

"What does it say?"

"It says… I'm the mother." Rock Lee said. Shikamaru gave a huge sigh of relief. "In that case, I shall care for my daughter in such a motherly fashion Gai-sensei will be so proud of me!"

Shikamaru's eyes twitched. "How did I get myself into this??"

.  
.

Sasuke and Neji gave each other evil glares as Sasuke checked off all the boxes and filled in the lines. "It'll be a boy." Sasuke hissed under his teeth marking a check into a box so hard it almost ripped the paper.

"I wouldn't settle for anything less." Neji replied.

"His name will be Sasuke jr."

"Correction; his name will be Neji Jr."

"Hmm… We'll never get anywhere at this rate. Let us compromise."

"I agree."

"How about we mix our names together. Is Nisuke fine?"

"It's acceptable." Neji said. _"Better then being called Sasuke Jr." _Neji thought.

"Good." Sasuke said while writing Nisuke down. _"Better then my child being called Neji Jr.!" _Sasuke thought as well. "And I'm being the father."

"I don't think so! Do I look like a weak woman to you…?!" Neji yelled in a sudden uproar.

"You have long hair!"

"That doesn't mean anything!" Neji hissed.

"Yes it does, girls have long hair!"

"Not all of them."

"Well it doesn't matter anyway since he's going to be _Uchiha_ Nisuke!"

"No way am I going to let make my son an Uchiha! He's in the Hyuga clan!" Then Sasuke and Neji began having another starring contest with both of their eyes turning bloody red. They both snatched out their Kunai knifes and began to duke it out.

.  
.

"How about a girl, forehead girl…?"

"I'd rather a boy." Sakura smiled evilly at Ino.

The blond haired girl hissed, "You're just saying that because I want it to be a girl."

"Perhaps… but it's to late now. I already marked it and you're not aloud to take it back."

"Hey, you can't do that you bitch!"

Sakura's eyes twitched, "What did you just call me!?"

"Nani? … You'd rather 'ugly forehead girl'? Both seem to fit you anyway."

"You…you… you fat smelly pig!!" Sakura hissed.

They were now at each others necks trying to kill each other.

.  
.

"I always wanted a boy…" Tenten said mostly to herself.

"Alright." Shino replied.

"Huh…? Oh thank you! I was really just suggesting it… I was kind of talking to myself." Tenten said ticking off the 'male' box. "How about the name Jamie?"

Shino shrugged. "That's alright with me."

Tenten raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure…? You're allowed to jump in anytime and argue with anything."

"No thank you. It's quite alright." Shino moved up his glasses with his index finger.

Tenten sighed. "Ok." So she wrote down the name Jamie.

.  
.

"Ok, we're done filling in the form!" Hinata smiled victoriously.

"That's great!" Naruto said. Then it became uncomfortable and silent whenever they were together. _"Whey does it always end up like this when I'm with Hinata?"_ Naruto thought. "Um…" He then grabbed up Narumi the egg. "Now what do we do with it…?"

"I-I'm not sure." Hinata admitted but suddenly looked at the door in shock seeing Anko bashed threw the door with a look on her face that would make Orochimaru crawl into a corner and cry in fear.

"Anko! What a wonderful surprise!!" Gai cried out with happiness with tears streaming down his face.

."Kakashi!!" Anko screamed causing all 'the girls' to jump out of their seat.

"Oh, hello Anko." Kakashi yawned.

Gai ran to the other side of the room and started crying because Anko was paying attention to Kakashi and not him.

"Kakashi!" Anko called out again. "I came back to take back my class so you better pay up your part of the de- what are you wearing?"

Kakashi sighed; why does he always have to explain it…? "It's a pregnant belly… thingy. I don't think it has a real name."

"Phfff!" Anko made a weird noise trying to hold in her laugher.

"Go home, Anko. It is obvious you are still sick."

Anko then exploded into first of laughter. "BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Kakashi, you look like a complete ass! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Anko then collapsed on the floor being obviously too sick and laughing too much.

"Anko! No, my angel!" Gai dramatically cried out running to the collapsed woman.

"Looks like I'm not burning my books today." Kakashi mumbled. "Um Gai, you should take Anko home and put her to bed. She would be so grateful and something good might come out of it later."

"You… you really think so?"

Kakashi smirked under the mask. "I know so."

"But what about the class?" Gai asked concerned.

"Don't worry about it. I'll take over." Kakashi waved his hand telling Gai to go and then turned another page of his book.

Can you guess what happened next? Do his eyes become all shiny again? Are you noticing a pattern that whenever Gai gets happy his does his 'tears like rivers' thing? … Plus that he gets happy a billon times so that sentence pops up a lot and it becomes really annoying at the end of the chapter because I don't have a thesaurus. So you're just going to have to grit your teeth and ignore the bad choices of words.

Anyway, the point is that Gai's eyes become shiny and tears go down his cheeks like rivers. "Thank you Kakashi!" He picked up a snoring Anko still in her bunny slippers and walked out of the room.

Everyone looked at Kakashi waiting for his instructions on what to do next. "Kakashi-sensei… what do we do next?" A random girl asked.

"I don't know." Kakashi said turning another page and then giggled a few seconds reading a specific part. It became quite again with only coughs to break the silence. "Anyway-" Kakashi said looking at the clock. "There is only five minutes left so I'll let you out early. The next class we get more into details, but if you want extra points for your egg: both 'parents' should be with the egg as long as you can and treating like a real baby until the next class…. You can go now." Kakashi finally finished then everybody left the room.

.  
.

"Hey Hinata!" Naruto called out catching up with the dark haired girl.

"Oh! Hello Naruto-kun." Hinata said turning around in surprise.

"Well, do you want to start right away?" He asked.

"P-pardon…?" Hinata had a confused look on her face.

"Well… the more we spend time together, the better our egg will become. Don't you want a good mark…?"

Hinata blushed. "Oh, yes I do!"

Naruto turned his back to Hinata and clenched his fist. _"And then my child will be better then Sasuke's! Ni ni ni ni!"_ Naruto thought evilly.

Speak of the devil! Sasuke just walked up to Naruto with the egg in his hand followed by Neji. "Hey." He said.

"Hi."

…

…

"My egg is going to surpass you egg so you shouldn't even bother!"

What did you say?!" Naruto yelled become competitive over Sasuke again.

"Your egg is nothing in comparison for the greatness of Uchiha Nisuke!"

"Uchiha?! For the last time he's a Hyuga!" Neji yelled behind him.

"Hell no!" Sasuke hissed back. "I'm the father figure!"

"No, I am!" So Sasuke and Neji began fighting with each other on who will be the male role model.

Hinata almost squealed when Naruto grabbed her hand. "Come on! Let's get a head start while they're fighting."

"Uh…. uh…" Hinata turned red as a tomato and somehow managed to nod her head and say: "Alright." So Naruto and Hinata ran off hand in hand. (For real, fou'!)

.

"Wait a minute!" Hinata said stopping after a few minutes of non-stop running.

"What is it…?" Naruto put on the breaks on his feet and ran up to Hinata.

"Well… I don't think it's a safe idea to go to the main house…b-because…"

"Oh ya…" Naruto just nodded his head understanding what Hinata was saying. "That's okay, we can go to my house!" Naruto laughed.

"R-really…?"

"Ya, sure." He said not knowing what the big deal was. He started walking towards his home's direction. Naruto turned around, "Hinata, are you coming or what?"

"Oh…! Oh yes, I-I'm coming! Wait for me!" Hinata snapped out of her little dreamland followed the fox-boy.

.

Somewhere off in distance Anko woke up in her bed. The first thing she saw was Gai looking lovingly at her with flowers in his hands.

Then she screamed.

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And so another chapter comes to an end. The next chapter should be coming up really quickly since it's already written down on paper. About the eggs names… I names Naruto and Hinata's baby after their daughter in a fanfic called 'Foxless, Skill less, Stone less'… or something like that. Who remembered that fanfic? It so kicked ass…

I named Tenten's and Shino's baby after my now dead kitty Jamie… so her memory shall live on forever. I know their egg is a boy but I'm very positive Jamie can be a boys name too.

Hey, you know what there isn't enough of? Magic School Bus fanfics!! You would have expected for there to be more. So everyone spread my message to stop working on our Naruto fanfics and make some kick ass Magic School Bus ones!

Can you imagine the look on the 12 MSB fanfic authors if we all showed up out of nowhere!

You know what else would be great, if we all went bowling together.

Naruto fanfic authors: We're here!

Man behind counter: Holly shit! … I don't have shoes for these people!

Sorry about the rambling, just some things I needed to get off my mind.

Name of chapter 7: **Poor Kiba**

Random paragraph/sentence from Chapter 7 to make you come back:

"You don't understand Kurenai-sensei! These two girls want to cause me physical pain!" Kiba screamed.

I think I'm going to do another huggie thingy-ma-bob instead of long thank yous that I always write:

huggiesZero Iha, Kamikakushi, TrantFlame, NuttyScribbler, The Fox of burden, KakashisNo1Fangirl, Night-Owl123huggies

I'm going to answer TrantFlames questions from her/his review because she/he asked some really good ones.

TrantFlames: Are Bob and the Hokage gay?

BurasMew: They could be if you want to…. Uh, I'm sure the Hokage is gay but Bob is just too innocent and clueless to see his love. So I'm not sure yet if Bob is gay… he could be, but I'm not sure. Just think what's best for you.  
  
TrantFlames: Is this an Anko/Kakashi? (Is clueless)

BurasMew: It's more like Anko/Gai. laughs Kakashi was just joking with the sex-slave stuff in chapter 2.

Okay, they were only two questions but they were really good ones!


	7. Chapter 7: Poor Kiba

Title: Just For The Ladies

Chapter 7: Poor Kiba

Written By: BurasMew

Hello people? How are you? Good? That's nice, let's all go out and dance the night away… anyway, you guys remember NuttyScribbler that wrote the mini story in one of the chapter? Anyway, she is now my official beta reader so give her a round of applause.

Everyone claps

I (having memory loss during the past four weeks) don't remember if she corrected this chapter or not… and she seems rather busy and don't want to bother her with such stupid questions so I'll just post the story anyway and hope for the best. But before I did I made one of my friends look at it for me so I'll looks at least half decent.

So I'm just going to wait for NuttyScribbler to give me the word and re-post if necessary… it's all good.

… This story is messed up man …

I don't own Naruto.

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Poor Kiba… how the heck did his partner end up being named Glue…?! Where is the science?! Where is the sanity?! Not only that, but he had this weird feeling that he was not A L O N E ! ! ! It was a good chance it was those two girls Jennifer and Vanessa wanting to kick him. So he locked himself in his room for 50 years, changed his name to Chester and married a toothpick he found under his bed and became crazy.

The end.

Nah, I'm just pulling your leg. That didn't happen… but he was starting to get a little paranoid. "Kiba?" A voice said and he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"AHHH!" Kiba jumped in shock and screamed like a little girl having a panic attack.

"Kiba! Kiba! Calm down! It's me!" Kurenai grabbed Kiba and shuck him to snap him out of it. Kiba's screams eventually became more quite and shorter until they died down completely.

"I'm sorry Kurenai-sensei." Kiba gasped for air clenching his heart.

"What made you get so scared??" Kurenai asked totally shocked by Kiba's panic attack.

"Kurenai-sensei, I think two girls are chasing after me!!"

"Oh…" Kurenai rested her cheek on her hand and gave a little smile. "That's so cute."

"What…? No! It's nothing like that at all! They want to cause me physical pain!"

"Well… sometimes girls bully boys because they don't know how to express their true feeling or they're to shy… and vice versa." She explained trying to calm down the hysterical Kiba.

"No, you don't understand! Their names and Jen and Vanessa! They've been known to kick stupid jerks in the village and they had their sights on me for the longest time!"

"How would they think that you would be a jerk…?"

"They found out that I spitted wet paper balls at her girls when I was in the ninja academy."

"… I can't help you there."

"Hello Kiba." A voice said behind him making Kiba scream again. He turned around to see Shino. "Waiting for the punishment of the kickers of Konoha Jen and Vanessa…?"

Kiba nodded his head and fell on the ground landing on his butt.

"Wait… where is Hinata…?" Kurenai asked.

"I think she is with Naruto." Shino said.

"What?" Kurenai gasped in shock.

"Ya, I believe they're trying to spend time with their kid for extra marks."

"What!?"

"Really? What's is it's name?" Kiba asked not catching the lost look on his instructors face.

"I think it was something like Narumi."

"WHAT?!"

"Didn't you and Tenten have a boy?"

"Yes, we named him Jamie. What did you name your kid…?" Shino asked

"Pff… Her name is Paste." Kiba said with a angry tone in his voice.

Kurenai then fainted from shock and only woke up fifteen minutes later. "Huh…? Wha…? Oh… Kiba… Shino… I had the most disturbing dream… You were talking about your children but it wasn't like a dream into the future. You were still twelve years-old." She said finally coming to.

"That wasn't a dream Sensei."

"Ohmygod, it wasn't?"! When did this happen?!" Kurenai asked.

"About a half an hour ago."

Kurenai blinked. "I… don't understand.

"I don't blame you." Shino said helping her up to her feet. "It's not what it sounds like. We're taking a class which gives us a egg and we have to treat them like babies."

"Ah…" Kurenai nodded her head understanding, "I remember doing that when I was a- Ohmygod! You're taking a sex education class?! When did that happen?!"

"Last week." Kiba said.

"Yes, Kakashi is teaching it."

Somewhere up in heaven, an Angel torched off its wings.

"Naruto… um… I think the egg is beeping…"

"What?" Naruto got up from a random seat and lifted the egg to his ear. "Wow. I think you're right, Hinata." He said in shock hearing a faint 'beeping' noise coming from the egg.

"But what does it mean?"

Naruto's whisker thingies twitched while trying to think... it's a nerve thing, which is perfectly normal for him. "I… don't know."

"Oh no! What if Narumi's sick?!" Hinata gasped.

"She might just be hungry." Naruto suggested.

Hinata took Narumi out of Naruto's hands and tried to pat its back. "But how do we feed it?"

Naruto pointed behind him where his cabinets were. "I have some Ramen."

"No… I mean… _HOW_ do we feed it."

"Uh… I don't know that one either."

"We have to think of _something_…!" Hinata cried out depressed that she only became a mother in only a half and hour and she was failing miserably.

"I'll go cook some instant ramen!" Naruto declared running towards his small kitchen.

"No, wait Naruto!" Naruto fell down on his face when Hinata screamed after him. "We… We can't feed Narumi Ramen." She walked towards Naruto.

"Then what do we feed her?"

"Baby food I suppose." Hinata shrugged.

"But Hinata-san! I don't have baby food!"

"Then we're going to have to buy some…!" Hinata put her hand in a small fist looking more determine then ever… Isn't that so cute?!

"But it's just a egg!"

"Naruto-kun! We need to treat it like a real baby, we're going to have to chip in."

Naruto made a bit of a puppy face before giving in. "Alright… I have…" Naruto fumbled around in his pocket before pulling out some money. "I have about three dollars."

"Great! I have six! That has to be more then enough! Let's go get some!" Hinata squealed just loving this. The best thing in the world was happening to her; she was spending time with Naruto and was going to buy baby food with him for their 'child.' It is almost every girl's fantasy with her crushes. (It's true! I kid you not!)

"Hey, wait for me!" Naruto said finally standing up and dashed out of the door trying to catch up with Hinata.

"There are… so many to chose from… I don't know which one to pick…" Hinata gasped staring at the rows upon rows of baby food.

_"I wonder if there is any Ramen flavour. I want Narumi to take a liking to it when she's young…"_ He thought to himself.

"We should take the most expensive one Naruto. That means it has good quality." Hinata declared. (Nothing is too good for her egg!)

"Fine with me, but it should be Ramen flavour."

Hinata blinked, "… Uh… Naruto… I don't think there is such a thing as ramen flavour."

"There isn't…? Then… what do they have?"

"Most of the time it's fruits and vegetables."

Naruto sticks out his tongue. "Eww… at least take a fruit. Veggies tastes a lot worst."

"Alright." Hinata sighed. "How about strawberry?"

"I'd rather oranges."

… Hinata blinked.

"Let's 'Rock, Paper, Scissors' for it again." Naruto suggested.

"What are you doing here?" A voice said behind him.

Naruto turned around and gasped. "Ohmygod. You're that perverted guy!"

Ebisu's eyes twitched. He seemed to have a little cart with him doing his weekly groceries shopping. "I'm not a-"

"Closet pervert! Closet pervert!" Naruto screamed at the top of his lungs. People passing by raised their eyebrows at the boy and some gave shameful looks at Ebisu.

"Shhhhut-up!" Ebisu hissed. "Your making a scene you little… what are you doing in the baby aisle?"

"Hinata and I are buying baby food for our egg we named Narumi."

… Ebisu turned and ran away to join the circus.

"Who was that…?" Hinata asked comfuzzled. (Comfuzzled… I love using that word)

"Oh I don't know… some guy I seem from time to time."

As soon as they both bought the baby food they dashed off to Naruto's home to feed Narumi.

"Now how do we do this…?" Hinata mumbled to herself staring at the still beeping egg and also wondered: _"And how can a egg beep??"_

"Hey, I got a idea." Naruto said reaching for a little spoon. Hinata watched as Naruto scooped out some Kiwi flavoured baby food. (That's right. Kiwi, they both picked a fruit using ancient ninja tactics that we will never understand, so lets not bother trying to figure out how they decided on Kiwi.) He approached Narumi with the spoon in his hand and pocked it gently.

::POKE::

"…"

"…"

"I think it stopped beeping." Hinata said

"We did it!"

"Hooray!" Hinata and Naruto did a little victory dance.

"Hokage! I can't believe you let the children of Konoha be taught SEX by Kakashi!" Kurenai yelled with thousands of protesting mothers behind her.

The Hokage took a long puff of his pipe; looking deep in thought, then exhaled. "And what… do you want me to do about it?"

"Get him out! Hokage-sama, he reads those perverted, stupid, stereotypical books! He's not suitable to be a teacher to that extent!"

"Really…?" The Hokage crossed his arms tighter. "So what does it take to be a sex ed. teacher."

"A WOMEN!" 'Ya' and 'Damn right fou'' was heard in the background.

"Well, Kakashi just had is second class today and I've heard no complaints so far."

"Hokage-sama! I'm serious! How could you do this?!"

"Alright then… as of today… the new teacher to replace Anko until she gets better will be Jiraya!"

Off in the mountains Jiraya lifted his head in the air heroically sensing that his beloved ninja village of Konoha needed him!

"Um… you know what…?" Kurenai sweat dropped. "Kakashi is doing a wonderful job! We don't need Jiraya."

The Hokage shrugged. "Okay."

Jiraya lost the feeling that needed was needed and went back to watching girls playing in a lake nearby. "Heeheehee!" He giggled.

So that night Konoha went to sleep peacefully unaware of how close they were to pure and total destruction.

"Goodnight honey." Kiba's mother appeared out of nowhere and touched her shoulder.

"AHHHHH!" He screamed.

########################################################################

What can I say to you today…? I'm rather bored and tired, but I should be happy that my brother is out of the house for more then 24 hours today…

I have to tell you about the coolest thing that happened to me this weekend. My friends and I went to the cinema a few days ago and my buddy SnyperKat was playing on 'dance dance revolution' She is actually rather good… anyway, there was a little dude dancing in the background on the screen and Silverwing was saying 'let's name him!'

I said: 'Okay, how about we call him Kakashi!!'

Suddenly the guy that was standing beside me turned to me and said: 'You know Kakashi?!'

Me: … Uh… maybe? The one from Naruto…?

Dude: Yes.

Me: screams and jumps up and down

You have to understand that… in America… it must rare to find a Naruto fan (a hard core Anime fan alone…!) out of the blue… so imagine what it must be like in Canada?! Man, we are just so spread apart from each other it's crazy! I thought we (SnyperKat and I) were the only ones!

Also SnyperKat's boyfriend knew him so we all watched 'the village' together. I thought the movie was all right… I thought it was going to be more horror then suspense… but it was a pleasant surprise.

Enough about my personal life… review my story and my little purple elves in my closet shall reward you dearly…

Name of chapter 8: **Poor Gai**

Random paragraph/sentence from Chapter 8 to make you come back:

"**YOU… SHALL NOT PASS!!"**

Once again it's time for the lists of 'thank you' because a story is nothing without the reviewers:

Ayce Shade: My goodness! Everybody seems to enjoy the weird Gai/Anko/Kakashi triangle that doesn't really exist…! Lol!

Dattebayo: Hello there! Welcome to the club, glad you are here and enjoy yourself!

Kamikakushi: Who knows…? Neji and Sasuke's egg might get crushed in the end… I can see it now… Sasuke and Neji fights over the egg. The egg falls. ::squish:: Sasuke and Neji: O.=

Unmei0wa0fushigi: I think Sasuke and Neji being partners is one my of best ideas yet. Thanks for reviewing!

The Fox of burden: Hello again! Your thoughts of Shikamaru and Lee are the same as mine when I was working on the outline. Lee and Shikamaru or so opposite it just works! :-D

Zero Iha: We must all bow down to the great hat!! bows Lee would make such a great mom, no? Thanks for noticing that I've passed school! Go me!! jigs Hmm… you think Neji would wear the pants in the family…? Interesting….

Chibihatsuharu: Ha! I see that you have changed you name! I like it!

KakashiNo1Fangirl: Oh god… I hope it ends Naru/Hina too… They are just the best couple ever! They should grow up and have kids together… Naruto Hinata = SUPER BABIES!! XD

Night-Owl123: Thanks for reviewing again!


	8. Chapter 8: Poor Gai

Title: Just For The Ladies

Chapter 8: Poor Gai

Written By: Buras-Mew

Silverwing: I have returned...!

Buras-Mew: ... and you still know nothing about Naruto.

Silverwing: shrugs

SnyperKat: jumps in the room Did it start yet?! Am I late?!

Buras-Mew: Nope, made it just in time.

SnyperKat: Hooray! sits down and watches part 3 of Naruto which B.M just got off e-bay

Silverwing: ... I'm confused...

Buras-Mew: We don't blame you... well... besides from school starting on Tuesday for me and collage girl over here on Monday...

Silverwing: (grinds teeth)

Buras-Mew: ... I have nothing to really say... so enjoy this chapter.

I don't own Naruto.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Poor Gorgeous Beast of Konoha... a.k.a Gai. He just got his ass totally kicked by Anko... there are other reasons why we should pity him, but that would take the whole chapter. But the main reason Gai is miserable is because he will never get laid. (BurasMew watches as she scared her readers screaming in pain, and ripping their eyeballs out. Then gets hunt down and shot by the fanfiction police for using those two words in one sentence. )

Anyway, Gai just got his ass kicked by Anko and is masculinity is taking a major blow! Whenever that happens, which is a lot, Gai tries to take up a new activity/hobby to keep him occupied and to keep his mind off of things... and in this case it was himself getting beat up by a girl. "Gasp! I got it!" Gai said getting a light bulb to magically appear over his head. He then ran over to the nearest phone and made a few calls.

..  
..

It was strange... but somehow the Hokage was with a group of several people running away from a psychotic demon in a gigantic mystifying mine. After several minutes of non-stop running they finally reached a doorway and saw before them a huge pit with only a narrow set of stairs leading to the other side. "Go! Go!" The Hokage said pushing 3 small men in front of him hearing the cry of the demon coming close on their tail.

The Hokage finally dashed off when everybody was in front of him. He then almost fell off his feet when an arrow whipped passed him. He looked to where the arrow was shooting and saw a group of Orcs shooting arrows at the Hokage and the others.

He then turned behind him and to his horror the demon that was chasing them in the first place crashing threw the small doorway and giving out a blood-curling scream. The bizarre fiery creature took out a gold whip and slashed it about.

The Hokage stopped from his running and faced the demon while still amazingly not getting hit by arrows. He raised a long sword in one hand and a rod in another. The Hokage decided that this was the only way to help the others escape.

The group of people looked at the Hokage and gasped as he began speaking stoner talk and the rod began to glow a bright blue light, causing the creature to take a step back with caution.

The Hokage then shouted at the top of his lungs, **"YOU... SHALL NOT...PASS!!"** He then thrust the rod and sword into the ground causing the stairs to crack and break apart. The monster then fell into the never-ending pit.

Just as the Hokage sighed with relief and turned around thinking it was safe the monster took one last crack of the whip.

He suddenly felt something wrap around his foot and pulled him down. Hokage grabbed on to the ledge and looked on at the group.

"Fly you fools..." He whispered at them, then gently let go of the cold stone.

Everyone gasped in horror. Especially a little guy with blue eyes and short brown curly hair... let's just call him Bob. "Gandalf...I mean... Hokage!! Noo!!"

Then the dramatic music with the women singing in the background started playing as a tall hunky brunette grabbed Bob as the group ran off dodging arrows by Orcs...

Then the Hokage woke up.

..  
..

"It was that dream again..." The sweaty Hokage gasped in shock. He looked around him room realizing that he had to stop watching that damn movie... then he flopped back down to sleep.

"I didn't hear you clearly Gai. Can you please repeat it?" Kakashi said in a confused tone.

"We're going on a field trip." Gai repeated.

"Again... what did you say? I must have forgotten to clean my ears this morning." Kakashi sighed putting a finger in his ear and starting moving it about.

"The bus is to move the students around because we're going to have a field trip."

"Oh... So I did hear right... and to where?"

"The hospital of course! Where else would you think?"

"I see....... Um Gai?" Kakashi said finally getting his finger out of his ear.

"Yes Kakashi?"

"This is just the third class! We just can't decide to go on a field trip! I may be just a 'ninja' but I think there are a few procedures you need to go through when it comes to field trips!"

"Don't worry Kakashi!" Gai raised his hand to the silver haired wonder. "I already informed all the parents and went to each individual house for them to fill out the permission forms." Gai said flashing a pile of permission slips in front of Kakashi's face.

"Ya but... but..." Kakashi looked at the just arrived bus and then back at Gai trying to find some sort of excuse not to go.

"Excuse me..." A woman walked up to the two ninjas with an eight year-old almost begin dragged by the women's leg. "You're the teachers for the..." The women looked around suspiciously before continuing. "... You know what?"

"Ya... bit somehow I really haven't been doing any teaching yet... thankfully." Kakashi mumbled.

"Well, you can start with her!" The women picked up her daughter who was now chewing on her arm.

"The little girl...?"

"Um... She's too young for this course." Gai informed the mother.

The women pleaded, "Oh please, just take her for today."

"But the parents are supposed to teach at least the basics and we do... the more detailed information. I'm sorry but we can't do it." Kakashi tried to explain.

"Listen to me!!" The mother then grabbed Kakashi with anger burning in her eyes. "I've been waiting for two weeks for Cassandra to confront her fiancé 'Gabriel' who really isn't Gabriel, but his evil twin brother! I refuse to be interrupted with questions and make me miss my soaps! UNDERSTAND?!?" The mother pinned Kakashi to the bus with super human strength.

"Okay-!" Kakashi squeaked then the mother let the terrified man drop to the floor.

"Go with the nice man Fraise. I'll see you in a hour." She gave her little girl a kiss and left. Kakashi and Gai blinked at the little girl. Fraise blinked back.

"I'll..." Kakashi sighed. "I'll go catch up with you later Gai." He took the little girls hand and walked into the academy.

..  
..

"So... uh... tell me what your mother told you? And we'll start from there."

"Well..." The girl replied sitting down in one of them high stool chairs. "It started like this..."

Flashback

"_Mommy...?" An eight-year-old Fraise asked. "Where do baby's come from?"_

The mother's eyes began to twitch. "Um..."

_Fraise waited patiently with her big black chibi eyes._

_The mother then summoned one of Orochimaru's gigantic snakes. "LOOK! A GIGANTIC SNAKE! GO PLAY!!!"_

"_Yay! " The little girl, completely forgetting about her question, ran off to play with the snake._

_Off if the Sound County a pissed off Orochimaru screamed at the top of his lungs, "Who the hell keeps stealing my snakes?! _

End of Flashback

Kakashi blinked... "You know what? ... I have this book called Mr. And Mrs. Bunny and I think it will answer _ALL_ of our questions."

So the little girl jumped on Kakashi's lap while he read out loud a story about two bunnies going at it... that's like... hard core man...

..  
..

"Hello Naruto-kun!" Hinata waved her hands approaching the bus with her new self-esteem that somehow appeared to her over night. "Isn't it great that we're going on a surprise fieldtri-? Ahh! Naruto! What happened to you?!" The girl cried out in shock when she discovered Naruto's gigantic bangs under his eyes.

"Remember you left Narumi over for the night at my place?" Hinata slowly nodded her head watching Naruto give out a huge yawn. "Well... yawn It wouldn't stop beeping last night... so I feed it... but then I eventually ran out of food so I had to buy some more at the store..."  
  
..

Naruto is in his housecoat and with Narumi in one hand trying to cradle it looking really tired and feeding it right in the middle of an aisle even thought he didn't buy it yet. His face remarkably looked a lot like this: =.=

Beside him was another man doing the exact same thing. He looked like he didn't shave or sleep in days. "You just became a father too?" Naruto asked.

"Yep." The man replied trying to feed the crying baby.

"Sirs... you have to buy those." A clerk said behind him.  
  
..

"Oh, I'm so sorry Naruto! Let me take Narumi for today." Hinata took the egg gently away from the boy and hopped in the bus and sat where all the girls are sitting and Naruto did the same.

"Isn't she the cutest thing in the word?!" Rock Lee cried out showing the egg to everyone. "I called her Lita!"

"All the eggs look the same! They're ovals for goodness sakes! Shapes can't look cute." Shikamaru complained.

Rock Lee gasped and covered the eggs little ears. "Don't say that! She won't gain any self confidence if you keep that up!"

"It won't matter anyway, since our egg is superior to all of yours." Neji claimed as he was sitting in the last seat with Sasuke.

"Yes, our egg has the bloodline of the Uchiha and the Hyuga clan!"

"But... aren't they both like... distant relatives?" Shino asked.

Sasuke and Neji stayed silent for a while and looked at each other trying to find the right words to say. "Ya but... it's so distant that it doesn't really count." Neji replied.

"Ya, who cares?! The point is that ours is better then yours!" Sasuke yelled.

"No it's not!" The boys yelled back and started fighting because boys like to compete over anything unlike the girls on the other side of the bus who were doing the opposite:

"I think I cracked some of the codes on the beeping..." Tenten whispered to the girls. "A normal pasted beep means that it's hungry, and if it does a double beep followed by a normal beep, I think it means that its diaper needs to be changed."

"How can an egg beep anyway?" Sakura asked sitting beside Ino.

"Maybe it's some sort of a machine in the form of an egg." Some girl suggested.

"I only got the hungry beep yesterday." Hinata admitted followed by some more girls' comments.

"Well... how do you change the 'diaper'? It is just an egg." Ino asked.

"That's... a problem." Tenten said showing her egg to everybody. "Jamie is still beeping. I don't know how!" Tenten cried.

"Awww..." The girls cried out of pity and they worked together to find out how to make Tenten's egg stop crying. Unlike the boys in the back who were starting World war XI. Just goes to show you that boys and stupid and ugly and girls are smart and clearly the dominant sex.

Whoo! Girl power!

..  
..

Finally after six rounds of '100 bottles of sake on the wall' the bus came to its destination of the Ninja Konoha Hospital. "Everybody get out of the bus two by two!" Gai ordered the children jumping in the middle of the aisle. Which was a stupid mistake because as soon as the bus door opened Gai got ran over by little feet as everybody ran out of the bus...

"Ow... that was unexpected..." Gai said getting up from the ground and dust himself off. Then he himself jumped off the bus.

"Where do we go now Gai-sensei?!" A girl asked excitedly.

"Can we go to the nursery!?" Another one suggested.

"Ya, the nursery! Yay!!" All the girls cried out and ran off into the hospital and to the nursery without Gai's permission.

"I guess that settles that. Come men! To the nursery!!" Gai announced skipping off following the girls.

Then guys just stood in the driveway each having thought of running off and playing the lovely game of Hokey, but they knew that they couldn't because they would get a great betting from Gai if they did... and if they boys knew anything about Gai. They knew that he loved to hit Lee really hard whenever he does something wrong or stupid.

And nobody likes getting hit from a guy wearing a green jumpsuit.

"I hate this." Sasuke said breaking the silence.

..  
..

"Oh! Look at the babies! They all look so cute!!! Oh! Look at that face!! Heehee!!" Those words and more were made when all the girls squished their faces on the gigantic window to see all the newborns.

"Oh, this one's making a funny face!" Tenten squealed with delight pointing at a small crib.

"Oh my... they all look so tiny. It must be hard to be a mother; such a big responsibility... I'm kind of scared of the thought of picking one up. They look so breakable." Hinata said to herself but loud enough for some people to hear.

"Not me." Sakura cried out. "I can't wait to start holding my own kid. It's going to be great and I know I'm going to be an excellent mother!"

"Me too..." Ino replied after Sakura. "...And thinking about who the father will be of my children... I know they will be the best in the village!" Ino said drifting off into another one of her girlish fantasies.

"_Ya..."_ All the girls sighed deeply dreaming about the hunky Sasuke except for Hinata of course.

"I guess I'll hum... Hmm, hmm, hmm..." Hinata hummed lightly twiddled her thumbs waiting patiently for the girls to come back to earth. Then one of the nurses turned the corridor to see several young girls daydreaming in the middle of the hall.

"What...?" The nurse said to herself in confusion. She cautiously approached them and then tapped the two closest girls to her... which was Sakura and Ino.

"Huh?!" Both of the girls said snapping out of it and looked up at the nurse.

"I'm sorry but you're blocking the hall. Can I ask you why you're here...?" The women asked.

"We're here on a fieldtrip." Sakura said.

"A fieldtrip...? In a hospital...?" The nurse said becoming more confused.

"It's for a sex education course." Ino replied then went back to watching the babies.

"Oh!" The nurse called as if she just remembered something. "You must be with Gai's class!"

Sakura sweat dropped and mumbled, "Uh... ya."

"We got his phone call yesterday! The hospital has rearranged a tour of the building but I totally forgot about it." The nurse said quickly apologizing. "So if you will all follow me... uh, where is Gai?"

"He's around... the hospital somewhere." Ino assumed turning back to the nurse. "He must be doing his own little thing; you don't have to worry about him."

"If you... say so." The nurse mumbled off. "Anyway, you three wake up the other girls from they're uh... Wait-! What the heck is wrong with them?!"

"We we're just daydreaming." Sakura shrugged.

"E-except me... I didn't!" Hinata said on the other side of the group of girls.

"Well... snap them out of it and follow me." The nurse ordered the three girls. So after Sakura, Ino, and Hinata gave the girls each a nice slap across the face... (Well, except for Hinata... she just shocks them politely) they skipped off to follow the nurse.

When the girls we're finally out of sight Gai and the boys finally arrived at the nursery. "Hey, where did all the girls go?!" Naruto said noticing they're absence.

"They could be at another nursery." Shikamaru replied peering over his shoulder to see the babies. After analyzing them for about thirdly seconds he finally said, "I don't get it..."

"Alright everyone!" Gai screamed out causing everyone in front of him to have a miniature heart attack, "By the right of you is the nursery... Don't they look cute?!" Gai then giggled and pointed at the babies.

"They... smell kinda funny..." Kiba said covering his powerful yet sensitive nose.

Naruto shrugged, "Meh, they look alright to me."

"Babies are too troublesome... all of them are crying and it's starting to give me a headache." Shikamaru tried covering his ears but the voices of over twenty crying babies still got threw.

"They must be crying because they smell so bad..." Kiba mumbled under his breath still covering his nose. Akamaru on top of Kiba's head began to whine as well.

Shino adjusted his glasses before commenting, "They're loud..."

Neji look at some of the babies and made a face, "They look rather ugly... I don't think I want children."

"Not me!" Rock Lee replied excitedly. "I just can't wait to be a mother!"

It suddenly became very quite and everybody looked at Rock Lee all having questioning looks on their faces.

"...What?" He asked confused.

"Did you just say you couldn't wait to be a mother...?" Kiba asked.

Rock Lee gave a confusing look before answering, "No."

"Are you sure?" Shikamaru asked.

"Yes. I said I couldn't wait to be a father..."

"No..." Naruto mumbled, "I heard it too... I think you said mother."

"I didn't say that!" Rock Lee yelled frustrated.

"Ya... right..." Shikamaru mumbled.

"For the last time, I didn't say it!"

Sasuke was ignoring everybody questioning Rock Lee and grit his teeth and hissed in frustration staring at the babies. "I don't understand why looking at babies has to do with anything...!"

"It has to do with everything Sasuke!" Gai said overhearing the mumbling Uchiha and walked up to him. "These babies are going to be watching over and protecting Konoha one day! One of these babies might even be the next Hokage! This is where it all begins! THIS... IS WHERE IT ALL HAPPENS!! If there is anything all ninja's have in common is that our journey all begins here!"

"What?!" Naruto said raising an eyebrow in confusion overhearing Gai's speech and turned away from Rock Lee, "I thought babies come from girls v-"

Before the foolish boy could finish the word everybody beat Naruto to a bloody pulp; because is it a male myth that if that word is heard or spoken they're brain wouldn't be able to handle the pressure and it would implode.

"What did I do?!" Naruto screamed while trying to block fists contacting his face.

Sasuke grabbed Naruto's collar the dragged him to a wall. "Not a word while we're in here! Got it!?" He warned trying to act all tough.

"What?! I'm not going to listen to you! I'm going to say whatever I want!" Naruto spat in Sasuke's face not realizing that those words would cost him more of a beating. Hence Naruto got the shit kicked out of him by everyone and Gai didn't even try to stop it.

Gai felt that Naruto deserved it... there are just some words that you're just not aloud to say!

..  
..

"There..." Kakashi said finally finished and closed the book. "Do you understand now...?"

Fraise completely blanked out with her jaw to the floor. "Wow, wow, wow..."

"Hello...?" Kakashi said waving his hands in front of the girls face. "Meh... I've done my work here!" Kakashi sighed pulling out his book and started reading.

..  
..

"Gabriel... There is something I must tell you..." Cassandra said looking off in the distance on the other side of the room.

"What is it my love?" Her fiancé asked pouring wine into a crystal glass and sipped it slowly.

.  
Anko grabbed more popcorn and popped it into her mouth and started to get more anxious. Finally! The moment of truth was upon them!  
.

Cassandra then turned to 'Gabriel' "I've been noticing some strange activates since we finally found you from that jungle in that horrible plane crash you survived from two months ago..."

"Me being with you was more then enough to keep me alive!" 'Gabriel' called out.

"Well... I talked to my sister today and I-."

"Don't believe a word she says... Ashley is a born slut!"  
  
.  
"Bastard..." Anko hissed under her breath and gave the finger at the television. "Kick him in the balls Cassandra!! Knock him down hard!!!"  
.

"Stop it!" Cassandra cried out with mild acting talent, "Don't make me change my mind, there is something I have to tell you...!" The woman took in a deep breath before continuing. "I'm not carrying your child!"

"What...?" 'Gabriel' gasped in shock.

.  
"WHAT?!" Anko screamed also. Where is the confrontment of the evil twin brother! She wanted confrontment!!  
.

"Ryan is!"

Suddenly the door slammed open and out came the real Gabriel and not 'Gabriel' his evil twin brother!

Everyone gasped and the camera zoomed out and the credits appeared.

.  
"WHAT?!" Anko screamed again. How could that two hour special be over already?!

Then all the women of Konoha cried because of the cruel cliffhanger and the soap magazines lied about today's episode.

.  
.

So the day has ended... everyone had gone back on the bus to return home... but they didn't go empty handed.... Well the girls didn't anyway.

They got a handful of souvenirs from the gift shop and pamphlets about almost anything they needed to know about life's little questions... they also got hats.

"Why do the girls get hats?!" Naruto yelled frustrated pointing at the front of the bus where all the girls sat.

"Because we went on the actual tour and you boys just walked around the hospital for several hours!" Sakura yelled back.

"My god, that fieldtrip was pointless!" Sasuke mumbled sitting in the back-back again.

All the boys agreed... so they made a plan together to bomb Gai's house with tomatoes in the middle of the night when everybody was sleeping. However Rock Lee was sleeping in his seat so he couldn't disagree at the moment.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

BurasMew: looks at watch Yep... School still starts on Tuesday.

Silverwing: and Monday for me!

SnyperKat: I... sniff ... I can't believe my little baby is all grown up and going to collage! cries

BurasMew: wow... very out of character... Do you concur?

Silverwing: Indeed... I do concur! SnyperKat... do you concur?

SnyperKat: Do I concur? DO I CONCUR?! (Stands up and becomes all emotional about it ...) Yes, I do concur. Sits back down

Name of chapter 9: **Poor Eggs**

Random paragraph/sentence from Chapter 7 to make you come back:

"**I'm spending a night at my mothers!!" Rock Lee cried out before slamming the door in Shikamaru's face.**


	9. Chapter 9: Poor Eggs

Title: Just For The Ladies  
Chapter 9: Poor Eggs  
Written By: BurasMew  
  
Silverwing: ... I'm still here!  
BurasMew: ...And now she knows a little about Naruto!  
SnyperKat: YAY!! (jigs)  
BurasMew: So Silverwing... what do you think about Naruto...?  
Silverwing: Meh... It's all right.  
SnyperKat: Now let's watch Season 2 now! Takes out DVD  
Silverwing: Noooo! I want to go to bed! ;.;  
BurasMew: Anyway, I have some important news to tell you... I have absolutely no ideas after chapter 12 so when this story finally gets there I'm going to have to take a **_break_** from 'Just for the Ladies' and work on another fanfic I've been itching to work on... **_HOWEVER_** if you guys have any good ideas and write it in your review that might be a good excuse for me to continue working on this story for a little while longer. Any suggestion will do! .... That's all I have to say... enjoy the newest chapter of this messed up story.

I don't own Naruto.

.---------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Those poor eggs... some of them are in the fate of some very strange people. Who knows how some of these poor things will end up? Like Sasuke's and Neji's egg... we all know how their egg is going to end up. : squish!:: ... But that's not always the case; some eggs are better off them others. Like Tenten and Shino how they absolutely no bad background with each other so arguments are rare and cooperation is plentiful, and some others that balances right in the middle of the two like Shikamaru and Rock Lee.

This chapter revolves around no specific main character and will rotate more then usual. It revolves around the eggs themselves and how everyone is coping (or therefore lack of...) with the responsibilities of parenthood. A hint of warning before you start reading... This chapter will be shocking to priest, Nuns, pregnant women, people who had a family history of heart attacks and/or mafia connection... Thank you and god bless the green monkey.

"You don't help; out at all! I've been hard at work taking care of the baby and all you been doing was slacking off and I'm sick and tired of your attitude...! You have to smarten up and set an example for Lita!!"

Shikamaru slouched more into the Lazy-boy and placed his hand on her face trying to hide his discomfort. "Why... why are you wearing an apron Lee...??"

"Don't you dare try to change the subject on me!" Rock Lee raised his voice dusting if his pink apron with lace as far as the eye could see. Suddenly both of their attention turned to the egg when they heard a faint beeping sound. "Look at what our fighting did, Lita is crying now!" He said in distress and picked up the egg. _"You were the one that was yelling at the top of your lungs..."_ Shikamaru thought.

"That's not true. It could be hungry for all we know."

"Didn't you pan attention in class!? This is clearly a crying beep! After the second beep there is a short pause then a weird clicking sound!" The boy explained.

Shikamaru shrugged, "I must have been sleeping when they explained it. They all sound the same to me anyway."

"That's it! I can't take you anymore!!" Rock Lee yelled in frustration and grabbed his backpack with Lita in his hand.

"Hey, where are you going?" Shikamaru asked noticing Lee heading for the door.

"I'm spending... a night at my mothers!"

"Go nuts." He called out as Rock Lee slammed the door behind him. When he was positive that Lee was gone he turned on the television to a football game and scratched himself.  
.  
  
"How do we make it stop?!" Sasuke tried to over scream the loud beeping.

"I can't here you; the egg is to loud... how do we make it stop?!" Neji yelled. Both of the boys' faces were red from raising their voices too much.

Sasuke fell over anime style. "I was trying to tell you that for the last fifteen minutes!" The raven-haired wonder screamed.

"So, I suppose that none of us know who to stop it!" Neji screamed.

"I thought you we're paying attention in class yesterday!" Sasuke yelled getting angrier by the second.

"No I wasn't! I don't want anything to do with that class!" Neji snarled.

Sasuke sighed deeply, "Listen, you're not the only one who is forced to do this..."

"What?!" Neji yelled again not hearing what Sasuke said.

"Our egg seems louder then the other eggs...! I don't remember Naruto's being this loud! ... and I still don't know how an egg can beep..."

"Perhaps we should hold it." Neji suggested trying to scream over the eggs cries.

"Go ahead. Be my guest!" Sasuke replied.

"What?!" Neji said in shock.

"You can pick it up..."

"I'm not going to pick it up!" Neji yelled. "I think this whole idea is stupid. I _refuse _to pick it up."

"You have to pick it up." Sasuke said in a demanding voice.

"Screw you." Neji said and gave Sasuke the finger.... It's a badass thing... don't ask me about it.

"It's not going to stop crying if you don't pick it up."

"You can pick it up if you want it to stop that badly." Neji said giving a look at Sasuke.

"I can't do it! It had to be you!"

"That is one of the most stupid excuses I ever heard. Oh why does it have to be me...?! Why must _I_ do it?!"

"Just because!"

"Because why?!"

Sasuke snarled and tightened his grip on his doorknob. "I don't have to take this!"

"Hey! Where do you think you're going?!" Neji barked as Sasuke.

"I'm going to go train... It's natural isn't it? The father goes and 'works' and the mother stays at home to take care of the children. So pick up and aid Uchiha Nisuke!" He smirked.

"What?!" Neji's hair stood on end, "I thought we went threw this! He is a Hyuga! ............ And I am not the mother!" He yelled frustrated.

"I'm going now, and you should let Nisuke stay with you tonight... so just let yourself out." The boy smiled and closed the door behind him.

"Uchiha...!!" Neji hissed picking up the little egg. "I'm going to kill you I swear...!"  
"Oh, it's not fair! I want to be with Sasuke-kun!" Ino pouted walking around in circles and cradled their egg.

"We all can't get what we want..." Sakura sighed flopping down in a chair. "It feels kind of weird doesn't it?"

"What are you talking about Sakura?" Ino asked.

"I don't know... this whole thing, us being partners... like this."

"I agree. It is a bit uncomfortable. But we have to cooperate if we want good marks so we never have to do this again."

Sakura fumbled a bit with her hands and Ino started feeding the egg... it became quite for a little while.

"Hey Ino... remember when Kakashi said he out make it up to us if we agreed to be partners?" The pink haired girl said.

Ino gave Sakura a questioning look, "Uh ya. Why are you mentioning that now?"

Sakura leaned closer to Ino and smiled, "Well... we have to brainstorm ideas together to make him suffer!!"

Ino blinked and confused for a second what Sakura meant, but soon a cat like smile grew on her face. "Great idea! But now is not the best time... we need to put all our effort on Lashita...."

"What?! Ino, you can't change Link's sex!" Sakura hissed.

"Watch me!" Ino snapped.

They both gave glares at each other for a little while before they started an old fashion cartoon smoke fight.

Once again instead of there being eight pages worth of dialogues and action bits... I am yet again going to summarize what is going to happen in one paragraph. Anyway, there is this huge fight in this big cloud of smoke and when it finally drifts down Ino realizes that Sakura was gone and she was left alone to care for the egg.

Ino kicked down the door to her house with the egg in one hand. "I don't think so ugly forehead girl!" She hissed, "There is no way I am doing this alone!!" So she dashed off in search for Sakura.

"Heeheehee!" Sakura giggled while walking around Konoha's streets. _"I know it isn't right to leave Ino alone and just disappear like that... but who wants to hang around with pig girl all day watching over an egg!"_ Sakura then started wandering around more looking at what little outdoor shops had to sale. _"Heh, I can't believe I did that... It sounds like something Naruto would do!"_  
:-3 It's a monkey  
.

_  
ANYWAY... _Let's go see what Shino and Tenten are doing to see if they met our expectations..., which they probably will...

Tenten is just wakening up from her peaceful slumber. Her brownish/blackish eyes started to slowly open and then close. Then her eyes snapped open and screamed at the top of her lungs.

"AHHHH!! Where is Jamie?!" Tenten screamed noticing that her little egg was absence from his little box on her burrow.

Shino suddenly came barging in Tenten's room... it would look rather heroic if he didn't have a spatula in his hand and wearing an apron that closely resembles Lee's. "What's wrong?" He asked.

"I CAN'T FIND JAMIE!!!" Tenten screamed with tears streaming down her face digging threw every nook and cranny in her room that she could think off.

"Calm down. Jamie is fine!" Shino said showing the egg in his other hand

"He is?!" Tenten jumped up and turned around. "OMG! JAMIE!" She cried out and started to snuggle the egg to death... then the happy music froze. "Wait a minute! What are you doing in my house?" The girl turned to Shino.

Shino raised his spatula, "I was making breakfast."

"Oh, I see...What?!" Tenten said becoming all comfuzzled.

Shino lead Tenten to the kitchen showing a fancy breakfast waiting for Tenten. "It's all for you." He said.

"Oh my goodness. Shino why did you do this?" Tenten asked feeling her face turn red a tiny bit for some bizarre reason.

Shino shrugged and pointed to the calendar. "It's mother's day."

"Shino, you know I'm not a real mother... but thank you so much! I bet it's delicious!" Tenten clapped her hands together. _"Shino is such a nice guy. I wonder why I thought he was such a creepy guy..."_ As Tenten sat herself down she saw a little beetle crawl out of her muffin....

"Oh ya... that's why..."

Tenten was now at a tight situation... there were lots of bugs in her breakfast that Shino has slaved over a hot kitchen stove for who knows how long. It would crush is little heart is she didn't eat it... and if she didn't eat it she would be considered as... a jerk!

Tenten looked to the window and gasped as she saw the Konoha Jerk Kickers Jen and Vanessa staring at her. Tenten looked back at her breakfast and started stuffing it down...

"Can I have some water...?" Tenten asked

Jen and Vanessa nodded they're heads in agreement... Tenten was going to stay in line. So they both ran off to find Kiba and give him his oh so long waited kick in the ass...

"Well... I'm going to go and stay with Kiba for a little while... he doesn't want to be alone ever since those two girls have been following him and I'll take Jamie today since it's your day off. Enjoy your breakfast!"  
.  
  
Surprisingly... Sasuke got bored with training for several hours and decided to take a stroll around Konoha. Sooner or later he bumped into Sakura.... Literally.

"OUCH! Hey, watch where you're going you son of a-"Sakura turned around to see who make her fall flat on her face. "Sasuke-kun!!" Sakura squealed in her high-pitched schoolgirl voice.

"Uh ya..." Sasuke said, "What are you doing here Sakura?"

"I ran off when Ino wasn't looking... I wasn't in the mood to put up with her... What are you doing here Sasuke-kun?" Sakura asked.

"Same reason you are."

"You're trying to find a 2 for 1 deal on earrings?" Sakura raised an eyebrow questionably.

"What... NO! I didn't want to do any pointless parenting so I walked out on Neji."

"I'm not crazy! I swear they are watching my every move!" Sakura and Sasuke both heard a voice behind them. It was Kiba walking with Shino who was of course holding little Jamie.

"Hey Kiba, hi Shino." Sakura greeted them both.

"Oh, uh hi..." Kiba said when he stopped yelling at Shino about how he wasn't crazy.

"You guys ditch your eggs to your partner too?" Sasuke asked.

"Hell ya!" Kiba laughed. "Do you want me to do one of the flashback thingy so I can show you?"

"No thanks." Sasuke said.

"Those flashback squiggly lines on the screen makes me dizzy..." Sakura said.

Shino looked a bit mad by Sasuke's question but it wasn't like you could see it with those glasses and that thingy covering his face, "I didn't ditch Tenten with Jamie."

"Oh... fine..." Kiba said disappointed.

"Hello Sakura my love!!" A voice screamed behind the group and Sakura cringed at the sound of the voice.

"Hey, it's Rock Lee!' Kiba laughed. "Awww... I see you have your egg with you... that is so mother like of you. I'm sure you will be a great mother when the real thing happens!!"

Rock Lee's gigantic eyebrows twitched and started yelling, "For the last time I am not the mother of this egg by choice! The sacred hat told me that I must be the mother! It doesn't mean I want to BE one!"

"But you said a few days ago that you just couldn't wait to be one!" Kiba laughed louder.

"I said I couldn't wait to be a father!!"

"We all heard you Lee: you said mother." Sasuke said admitting it.

"No I didn't!" He yelled.

"Hi everyone! What are you guys doing at this hour??" Naruto jumped in out of nowhere.

"What do you mean this hour?" Sakura asked.

Naruto pointed to his watch, "It's about nine o'clock. All the stores are close now."

"Wow, what do you know...! All this seemed like it happen in just a few minuets."

"Naruto, did you ditch Hinata too?" Sasuke asked.

"Ditch?" Naruto's whiskers twitched again, "Not really... it was more like we went our separate ways."

"It looks like we are ditched are partners (to some extent) so we wouldn't have to take care of our eggs... that must make us the male figures." Rock Lee said trying to hint in that he was not the mother.

Everyone nodded our heads to agree except for Sakura.

"Hey!" Sakura cried out.

"Admit it Sakura... you are the father figure." Kiba pointed and laughed.

"So... if all of the 'fathers' are here (exclude Rock Lee) ... where are the 'mothers'?" Naruto asked.  
.  
  
In some nightclub off in the distance all the girls were fulfilling they're destinies and danced the night away and Gai was babysitting their eggs.... And Neji was there too.

"How did I wind up here?!" Neji screamed trying to find an exit.

.  
.

Shikamaru was still watching the game and scratching himself.

.------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
BurasMew: Yo!  
SnyperKat: Double Yo!  
Silverwing: I had a dream about Naruto... I was in my room talking to my cat Lucky when Kakashi crashed threw my wall but insead of wearing a mask he was wearing PointDexter's lampshade.  
PointDexter: (comes in room) did anybody call me...?  
SnyperKat: Nope.  
PointDexter: (pouts and goes away)  
BurasMew: ... Anyway, I have good news!  
Silverwing: Very!  
SnyperKat: Exciting!  
BurasMew: We have over a hundred reviews!!  
Silverwing SnyperKat: YAY!!! Silverwing and SnyperKat pull a string and graffiti flies everywhere.  
BurasMew: This is just for our hundredth reviewer... Kamikakushi!!!!  
(Silverwing and SnyperKat start playing on a piano)  
  
BurasMew: (sings) Did you ever know that you're my hero! Something, something, something need! I can fly higher then a eagle! Cause you are the wind beneath my wings!!

(Starts bashing the hotel room)  
BurasMew: We love you Kamikakushi! Goodnight!  
(The trio jumps out the window)

Name of chapter 10: **Poor Hokage**  
  
Random paragraph/sentence from Chapter 10 to make you come back:  
"**Hokage-sama... did you watch that movie again...?"**

Jaid Skywalker: It's glad to have you back! Hope you continue reviewing my story. ... Try to make sure reality doesn't slap you across the face for a while okay??

KakashiNo1Fangirl: Go you! (jigs)

Ayce Shade: Heh... heh... (blushes) and you all wonder why I failed grade 7.

(Silverwing: Do you blame that for everything...? BurasMew Yes I do. Shut-up!)

pai: Heh... What a game... Gym class must be very interesting.

Exodian: I'm glad you like my story. I hope you review again.

The Fox of burden: Hello again! I just love it when I see the same people reading my story... my god I need a life... but anyway, thanks for the review.Kamikakushi: I just SUNG to you man! I don't think another thank you is necessary.

Night-Owl123: I'm so glad you like reading my story!


	10. Chapter 10: Poor Hokage

Title: Just for the Ladies  
Chapter 10: Poor Hokage  
Written By: BurasMew  
  
BurasMew: Good news everyone! From the ideas of the reviewers and brainstorming with SnyperKat I have enough idea's to last another 9 chapters! But don't stop with the ideas. They really help keep the story alive. I'm also going to say that things are going to make a interesting turn around chapter 13.  
SnyperKat: It's Supersexeriffic.  
Silverwing BurasMew: ...  
SnyperKat: (flashes teeth)  
S.W B.M: (become blind)  
  
##$$##$$##$$###$$$###$$$###$$$####$$$$####$$$$######$$$$$$  
  
Poor Hokage... his skinny arms and legs didn't hide the fact that he had a fat ass. But his 'outer beauty' wasn't the main problem. He was just so head over heals in love with Bob and got the butterflies whenever he was near! How on earth could he show is love to him without looking like a fool!? How?! How?! ... He wondered.

So while the old and ugly man was sighing deeply depressed about the situation he was in an AMBU crashed threw the room suddenly to give his report about a top-secret mission that has no important part in the story. "Hokage-sama! I have finished the-" The AMBU stopped dead in its tracks when his eyes laid on the Hokage. "Umm... Hokage-sama...?" The AMBU paused with his nostrils flaring. "Did you watch that movie again??"

"No. Why...?" The Hokage said snapping out of 'La La Land' and revealing that he was wearing a gigantic grey pointy hat and rope to match looking a lot like a certain wizard that we all know the name of...

(cough!cough!!) It's Gandalf (cough!cough!)

"Um... No reason..." The AMBU said scratching the back of his head; you couldn't see it under his AMBU animal mask thingy but you could tell he was starting to get very, very, _very_ uncomfortable. "Listen... I'll fill you up on the mission another time."

"Alright." The Hokage shrugged not really caring and went back to fantasizing Bob doing naughty things to his old and wrinkly body. The poor AMBU then ran out of the room trying to stay far away from the Hokage as possible.

Walking around the corridor he started to wonder what was making the Hokage act so strange lately? Why was he always looking off into the distance and giggled like a schoolgirl every twelve minutes? What on earth was going on in the Hokage's mind?! WHAT?!

"Oh, hey Bob!" The AMBU waved at the janitor passing by.

"Oh... Hello Leslie." Bob paused and nodded his head at the AMBU, but then quickly went back to mopping the floor.

.  
"Yo! Hokage!!" A voice called out in the distance. The Hokage looked up and saw... no...! I-It just couldn't be! It was... it was.... _them!_

"My homies!" The Hokage shouted and ran towards the group of old men. They all barely managed to give each other high-fives because there were so old and weak. Even the Hokage was having a bit a difficulty lifting his arm up to slam his hand to his other dudes. The Hokage may be the present best ninja of Konoha but there are only so many things an old man can do... like doing physical activities and holding in their poo.

"I'm so excited that it's the 50th anniversary of The Lord of the Rings the movie!" An old man wearing green have having long blond extensions in his hair. He jumped up and down holding a large bow in his hands.

"I told you it would be an instance classic!" A rather small and chubby guy said dressed in heavy armour.

"Oh, I'm tired of being Frodo! I've been him for 5 decades!" Another old man said jumping up from the crowd so they would see his head.

"Now Joe, we went threw this! We have to stick to the characters we chose to the first Lord of the Rings. We can't just change now: It will mess up our system and order will be unbalanced!" The Hokage explained.

"Ya, I always wanted to dress up as Gandalf." Another old man in the back pointed out who was trying to lift up a gigantic cardboard sword.

"No! I'm Gandalf! I was always him and I always will be! Have you all forgotten the secret oath that we would always stick to the characters that were chosen to us?"

"Oh Hokage, it was just a hat!"

"No!" The Hokage bit a knuckle trying to look dramatic as possible, "It wasn't just a hat... it was the sacred hat! One of Konoha's most valuable treasures! It decided all the important decisions in this village and it saved us from that horrible 2 for 1 sale Zellers was having so many years ago!

"I remember that day... so many innocent killed..." All of the old men took off their hats in respect to all those poor people.......

.  
.

Then it got silent for a while.

.  
  
"Wow... this is getting depressing." One pointed out.

"Ya, let's just go now and get out free discount for dressing up." The Hokage decided waving his hand signalling it was time to go.

.  
.

Yes, the time has come! After 50 years of the smash hit blockbuster Lord of the Rings every hardcore fan were finally almost done their long and event exploding pilgrimage to the holly sight of the theatre. It was almost beautiful... old people asking directions to the movies and some unfortunate Ninja has to help them get there in one piece because God knows that some time or another they're gonna have to cross the street and there was no such thing as Boy Scouts in the Naruto world; so they had to make due with Ninja's.

Ah yes... the hour was upon the Hokage and his buddies. They been threw everything together and they're still going out strong... they even started a rap group in there younger days. They were called by the name of _'Caramel Shinobi Chocolate.'_ They dreamed of the big time but the band slowly began to break apart thanks to the world of chicks, booze, really fast cars, and drugs. There is an hour special biography on MTV and there's going to be a movie based on Hokage's short but sweets rapper life and apparently it's getting great reviews from the critics.

But we're not talking about the Hokage's deep and complex passed. We're talking about him and his buds going to see an old movie that by today's standards is really stupid and has crappy special affects... Or that would be the case if it wasn't for-

"Hey, what's going on?" The Hokage called out in shock seeing a bunch of old people wearing skimpy lingerie. "What happened to all the LOR fans?!"

An old man wearing just gold colour underwear skipped up to him and said, "Lord of the Rings is so gay! We convinced the cinema guys to change the movie to Rocky Horror Picture Show instead."

The Hokage looked up and indeed saw the theatre listing the Rocky Horror Picture Show instead of his oh so beloved Lord of the Rings.

"This is impossible!" The Hokage called out. "How could this have happened!"

"Lord of the Ring groupies is so old!!" A man in a wheelchair screamed out.

"The Rocky Horror Picture show was made before LOR!"

"Exactly! We're so out that we're in!"

Then an explosion of old people yelling and pocking their cranes at each other and telling stories of how the old days were better. The Hokage dramatically look on and everything went in slow motion, it seemed like he was having some sort of war flashback. He looked on as the battle raged on! Some were putting their oxygen masks on because they were too weak to continue... but some were staying strong! One grabbed a Go board out of his afro and began playing with another guy.

IT WAS THE WAR OF OLD PEOPLE! OH, THE HORROR! THE HORROR!!

Gandalf... uh, I mean, the Hokage would not stand for this! The slammed his 'wand' to the ground and screamed out, "I demand for a proper showdown!!"

Everyone stopped what he or she was doing which left them in odd positions.

"Yes..." The Hokage narrowed his eyes like he was in a western movie... "A showdown... BROADWAY STYLE!!"

Suddenly the ground began to shake violently and lights shot up from below them... but they weren't just any light... they were _Broadway_ lights!

So while everyone was tap dancing and singing Kakashi managed so sneak threw everybody and convince the movie guys that they should play _Itcha Itcha Paradise the Movie _instead. When the coast was clear he signalled all the perverts and nudists to quickly run inside the theatre.

After twenty minutes of the movie Kakashi remembered that he had a Sex Ed. class to teach so he ran out of the building.

.  
"YOU'RE LATE!!" Sakura and Naruto screamed out pointing at Kakashi when he walked threw the door.

"Sorry, I was trying to sneak in a bunch of nudists and perverts into a movie theatre because old people were having a Broadway style showdown in front of it.

"WHAT?!" Naruto said completely blown away from what Kakashi said.

"That is your worst one yet Kakashi." Sakura said crossing her arms giving him a look of disapproval.

"Ya, okay. Whatever." Kakashi said knowing that it would be pointless to convince them.

"Can we... please begin now Kakashi?" Gai said rather annoyed that he had to teach by himself for the first twenty minutes.

"Fine. What are we doing today?" Kakashi asked taking a seat and placing his feet at the teacher's desk.... Kakashi is so cool... too cool for school.

Gai sighed again, "You should know. It's your turn to take over for today!"

Kakashi looked around the room nervously and twiddled his thumbs for a while before answering Gai, "I caught Anko's cold." Then he exploded into a fit of coughs.

"You were fine yesterday." Gai said.

Kakashi blinked.

"It came back."

"Alright... I'll take over for today but it's your turn next time."

"Fine by me." Kakashi shrugged knowing that it wasn't true. "So... what are we doing today anyway?"

"We're summing up the Childbirth and Motherhood part of the course."

"Oh... it's over?" Hinata asked concerned that she wouldn't get to be partnered with Naruto anymore.

"The egg part of it is." Gai winked at Hinata.

Hinata shuttered.

"Everyone, bring your eggs to the front so you may be graded on them!" Gai yelled to the children going into another one of his many poses.

"We are sooo screwed..." Sakura mumbled grabbing her egg with Ino not too far behind.

"Well it's your fault for being such a crappy parent." Ino hissed behind her.

Sakura turned around and stuck out her tongue at Ino.

Ino did the same...

You can imagine this went on for a while.

"Oh Naruto, I hope we did well." Hinata said rubbing her hands together; she was nervous for so many reasons. Was Hinata being a bad parent? Will she be separated from Naruto after it's over and everything will be back to where it was?? She didn't want things to be like it was before. She liked being with _him_

She was praying so hard...

She was praying that... that Neji would stop giving her such evil glares across the room. The poor girl was going to die of a heart attack if she didn't calm down.

"Don't worry Hinata; you are a hell of a great parent." Naruto laughed at his choice of words.

As if on magic all her muscles relaxed and all her worries washed away. _"Thank you... Naruto-kun."  
_

"Ya, you're a great parent too Naruto!"

"For the last time _I_ am not the mother!" Neji hissed.

"Yes, you _are_!" Sasuke hissed back at him carrying Nisuke: the fruit of their loins.

"No, I am _NOT_!"

"Yes, you _ARE_!"

"I'm..." Rock Lee sniffed snuggling with his Lita for the last time, "I'm going to miss you my wittle baby-!" His eyes then began water a bit. He grabbed the most nearest thing that could be used for a Kleenex and blew.

"Ew... Lee, that's my shoulder..." Shikamaru mumbled but was too lazy to push away the crying Rock Lee. _"Thank GOD that I'm not going to be partnered with him again."_

Finally everyone placed the eggs on the desk and Kakashi was forced to put his feet down. "Now what do we do?" Tenten asked after being sat down.

"You watch!" Gai yelled and started to perform a bunch of flashy and complex looking hand seals. When he finished there was a miniature explosion around the eggs.

"GAHH! NARUMI!!!" Naruto screamed in a panic grabbing his hair. Everyone looked in shock seeing the eggs they took care of for so long blow up in front of their faces.

"WHAT THE HELL!?" Sakura screamed but instantly calmed down as soon as the dust settled down.

The eggs appeared to be... open... and inside were little gears moving around and lights flashing on and off.

"So it is a machine!" Ino gasped.

YES!! Their question was finally answered and everybody cheered for joy.

The eggs then started making beeping noised and started printing out pieces of paper out of it. "What the heck is that?" Kiba asked.

"Your grades." Kakashi said ripping the dotted line of the paper to separate it from the egg. "The eggs have been recording your every move and your parenting skills."

"I told you we have our ways of knowing...!" Gai said winking at the class again.

"Let's see what this one says..." Kakashi said while be began to read out loud:

_Rock Lee and Shikamaru:_

Lita grows up to become a great female ninja and a taijitsu specialist. She has a great personality, which puts up for her homely looks being the child of the two most ugliest people in the village. She lives a good life as far as ninjas go and finds her parents arguments very entertaining. Lita gets as far as a Jonin and dies at the age of 34 on an A rank mission. The cause of death was falling into a gigantic boiling deep fryer.  
C

"Just how a ninja should go..." Rock Lee cried, "I'm so proud of her-!"

"I can't believe an egg just called me ugly. Plus her cause of death seemed rather unrealistic" Shikamaru thought thinking this was the most stupidest thing he had to put his ears through.

"Yay Rock Lee! You passed!" Gai cried out and pulled a string that hung from a ceiling. A bunch of little streamers of different colours fell on Rock Lee and Shikamaru.

Ino and Sakura:

Their child becomes a bit gender confused because they couldn't decide on a proper name. Nobody knows what its sex is and eventually becomes evil and plans to take over the world. But Link was smarter then most bad guys and used evil in its most evil forms... it became a stockholder and took over all of the dairy queen chains and didn't give any of the ice cream the children. Its horrible reign of evil was finally over when the 7th Hokage killed it himself.  
D-  
  
"WHAT?!" Sakura screamed.

"That is the most stupid thing I ever heard and it was very unrealistic." Ino banged her fist on her desk in a fit of rage.

"Oh really?" Kakashi asked, "Prove it."

"For one thing; Sakura and I would never get married and have a kid! It's physically possible!"

That made Kakashi think for a while, "Well... there is new technology out there today. It might be possible for two women to have a baby some day..."

Sakura and Ino threw paper balls at him.

"Oh! My turn! I want to read one now!!" Gai said jumping up and down. He grabbed a paper from Kakashi's hands and began to read:

Hinata and Naruto:

Narumi becomes a very excellent ninja and has many adventures. She had a bit of trouble making friends at first but she eventually has more then she could count. Narumi becomes a Jonin at age 17 and serves under Konoha for many years. She grows up to be a wonderful woman and marries Nisuke of the Uchiha clan.  
B

Hinata gives a sigh of relief glad that she got a good grade... however something else was on Naruto's mind.

"Narumi married your stupid egg?!" Naruto screamed pointing at Sasuke.

Sasuke's nostrils flared; he didn't like that idea much either. "In hell! I would never let Nisuke anywhere near your children-!"

"Same here!! There is no way I would let my little girl near your kid's ugly horny butt face!"

As if on cue, Sasuke and Naruto started strangling each other's necks.

"Stop it you two. It's not like anything written on here is actually going to happen. It's all for fun." Kakashi sighed trying to separate the two from killing one another.

"Uh... I'll just read the next one..." Gai said before taking another paper.

Tenten and Shino:

Jamie grows up to be multi-talented and becomes the 7th Hokage of Konoha and he is most famous for killing the evil Link who wouldn't give ice cream to children-

Tenten didn't need to hear anymore because she fainted from shock... and of course they got an A... duh... we all knew it was going to happen. Anyway Kakashi pulled out his tranquilizer gun and shot Naruto a few times.

The poor boy fell on the floor sleeping.

"Kakashi-sensei!!" Sakura screamed.

"Trust me Sakura; it's the best way for Naruto." Kakashi then turned to Sasuke, "There, your not going to attack Naruto while he's completely helpless are you?"

Sasuke thought about it for a while before answering, "Yes."

"Oh come on. I thought Naruto would say something like that so that's why I shot him instead of you."

Sasuke thought about it for a while longer, "Fine, I'll sit down." He sighed and took his seat.

"Kakashi-sensei, that wasn't really necessary to shoot Naruto."

"I was getting impatient with them both and I always wanted to shoot somebody with a tranquilizer gun."

Sakura took a few steps away from Kakashi... he was obviously high on something. When everybody calmed down Gai read from Neji and Sasuke's report.

Neji and Sasuke:

Nisuke is a total badass and a sexy bastard who girls glomp all over him. But since Nisuke is such a asshole as well he burns his presents girls give to him in front of their faces (but that wont stop them from stocking him). Anyway, he becomes an AMBU and wins Sexy Ninja of the Year in Assassination Weekly. He eventually realized that he was being very cruel and starts to date and marries his teammate Narumi. This is good in all but the parents did shit and had nothing to do with his luck of not turning evil on there asses. So the parents fail.  
F

"WHAT?!?!?" Sasuke and Neji yelled in anger and shock. How could have they got an F?! HOW!?

"I guess we'll do Kiba's next..." Kakashi said finding the paper he needed and scanned it. When he did he got a confused look on his face and handed it to Kiba.

"What...? What does it say?" Kiba asked receiving the paper.

Glue and Kiba:  
  
Paste becomes a ho'  
F-

"WHAT THE FUCK!?" Kiba scream when he saw his paper consisted a total of only seven words.

"Yet again this class has taught us anything that we necessarily need." Shikamaru sighed watching everyone talk about their marks on how they passed... or lack of it.

"God, I wanna go home." Shikamaru sighed banging his head on the table.

##$$##$$##$$###$$$###$$$####$$$$####$$$$######$$$$$$  
  
BurasMew: I've noticed that there is a lot more curses in this chapter then the others... sorry about that. Anyway pleas give a nice long review at the bottom and my green monkeys will do happy things for/to you. XD  
Silverwing SnyperKat: Ew...  
BurasMew: Now on the other matter! Everyone... we now have a new Naruto groupie! I would like everyone to give a warm welcome for Silverwing!  
(everyone claps)  
SnyperKat: I knew we would make her into one of us sooner or later.  
BurasMew: Silverwing... any words on how you feel being a crazy Naruto fan?  
Silvering: (thinks) I hate Garra, he's a bastard and I hated Rock Lee at first but now I just wanna snuggle with him and make him feel better and kill Garra...... (Mumbles under breath) ... bastard...  
SnyperKat: (gasps) YOU BITCH! THERE IS NEVER ENOUGH GARRA GOODNESS!  
BurasMew: ;; ... I'm just going to thank everyone while they get physical...  
Saki-kun: Welcome to my oh-so-pointless fanfic! I hope you come back and review again! Thanks for the review.

Ayce Shade: Sorry... No elaboration on how the girls dances the night away and Gai taking care of the egg... but maybe I'll explain it one day.

Irukapooka: Yay! You reviewed my story! I love your fanfic and I really want you to continue it!

NekoRibbon-chan: and I love you...

Sakuramiko: lol, that would be great. I would really like to see that!

Jay-Chan3: Thank you for the lesson. I will make sure I wont make the same mistake.

The Fox of burden: Hey Foxy! I feel bad about the English teacher thing... I have one too! ;;

Kamikakushi: YAY! You were the hundreth reviewer!! ... But I wont sing this time! Maybe I will for the 200th reviewer, if this fanfic ever gets this far. Anyway, I'm so glad this story of mine makes you laugh. Neji in a apron...? Hmm... I might do some searious thinking!

Dattebayo: Thanks for your review. I really appreciate it. Oh, and your idea.... I might put that in somewhere... NOBODY LOOK AT DATTEBAYO'S REVIEW FOR CHAPTER 9!!

Marshmellowluvr: I looooooove your name! (snuggles you) Thanks for the review!

ShinakaStar: Thank you for noticing. Strangeness is my life.

Firefly-Queen: Thanks for the review! I'm glad you like how a named some of the eggs.

SnyperKat: (looks at you sitting on the couch) Do I have to thank you?  
SnyperKat: Yes you do... thank me.  
BurasMew: But... you're one of the hosts.  
SnyperKat: So...? I helped you with ideas.  
BurasMew: With no thanks to Silverwing.  
Silverwing: HEY!! I didn't know anything about Naruto then!  
BurasMew: Whatever... let's finish with the thank yous.

Night-Owl123: Thanks for your review Night-Owl. Even if you never give long reviews, I know I can count on you every time to give one.

KakashisNo1Fangirl: I rule? Why thank you!


	11. Chapter 11: Poor Ino

Title: Just for the Ladies   
Chapter 11: Poor Ino   
Written By: BurasMew> 

BurasMew: How are you all today? I hope you're fine. Anyway, I'm going to be quick with the introductions and just say enjoy the chapter and that I don't own Naruto. Also that I'm sorry for the long wait... it's almost been a month and a half...... sorry. ;; I'm also sorry for the little ">" every few paragraphs... they are the only things keeping this story together and not into one ugly paragraph.

I don't own Naruto.

>

Poor Ino... nothing in her wardrobe fits her anymore... or it makes her butt look big. It was a Saturday, which means she doesn't have to meet with Shikamaru, Choji and Asuma to train and do missions... it also meant no Sex Ed classes.(thank god) Also it means that she doesn't have to wear her everyday ninja uniform and have to bandage up her entire body, which consumes a lot of her time. So while she's looking for something else to wear she came to the shocking conclusion that nothing fitted her right!

It was strange... somehow she seemed to have grown over night and outgrown all of her old clothing. It seems just ridiculous to go out of town and show off her wonderful and sexy body if she has nothing nice to show it off with! She was in a panic! She practically destroyed her closet trying to find something nice and all the cloths were on her floor in a big pile. It seemed that she would have to go get new clothing-

Ino froze dead in her tracks.

An idea suddenly came to her mind so fast it almost knocked her down off her feet.

She felt her hands shacking with excitement and her mouth turned into a deadly smile. Then she laughed... oh how she laughed and laughed and laughed.

>

Our lovable Hanarno Sakura was getting dressed to start her day off... as most people do... unless they walk around in there pyjamas everyday... but lets not get to much off the subject... because we all know that when I start yammering it's one way or another going to end up about praising Green Moneys.

ANYWAY... Sakura was going threw some proper clothing to start off her day... or she was but got interrupted by Ino popping her head threw her window.

"I have the greatest idea!!" She heard a voice scream behind her.

On reflex Sakura crossed her arms around her naked chest and screamed at the top of her lungs.

"EEEEEEEEEEEE!! PERVER-Ino?" Sakura's panic attack died out in an instant when she saw Ino jump into her room, but then it turned into anger, "What are you doing in my window! I thought you were Naruto or something!" She yelled quickly putting something on.

"Sorry." Ino shrugged. "I knocked on the door and waited for five minutes and there was no answer."

"It's seven o'clock in the morning. My mom and dad are still asleep and I can't here if the door is being knocked when I'm upstairs." Sakura explained.

"I know. I was about to give up, but then I saw your window open and I just let myself in."

"You didn't have to come so early in the morning. You could have waited or something!"

"No. I can't wait. I have to put my plan into action now!" Ino yelled pounding her fists together.

"Plan? What the heck are you talking about?" Sakura said.

"The plan to humiliate Kakashi from forcing us to be partners together."

Sakura blinked.

"You thought of one?"

"Ya." Ino nodded her head in excitement.

"At this hour?"

"Yes!"

"And you just have to go threw with this now?"

"Yes! He must pay!" Ino screamed again.

Sakura yawned and placed her hand to her mouth, "I'm all up for it Ino. But I don't really want to waste my time off by bothering Kakashi-sensei."

"It involves _shopping_..." Ino sang and before she knew it Sakura got completely dresses with a purse full of the green stuff.

"Let's go!" Sakura said with her new bursting energy.

>

It took a little while for Kakashi to hear the knocks at his door... and it took him even longer to give a damn. It was seven in the morning on his day off. His beauty sleep was being intrumpted.

Or course it wouldn't really matter about his beauty sleep because his face is practically covered 99 of the time. But he still felt that he deserved a nice long nap once in a while, and in the end, that was all that he as asked for.

But no! Somebody has to be knocking on his door at such a crazy hour... and on a Saturday too!

"_Who would be up at this hour...?" _Kakashi thought yawning walking around his house trying to find the door. (Ah yes, another mini adventure of someone trying to find some sort of door or item in their house because they are just to damn tired to remember anything.)

Anyway, Kakashi was holding on to the doorknob tightly ready to give a beating to whoever was at his front porch, but then a thought hit him.

"Wait... what if it's that damn paperboy?!"

Yes, the paperboy. You see... Kakashi has been dodging the paperboy for two months now. Coincidently, he never really has the money with him when the paperboy shows up... and paperboys get mighty angry when you aren't able to pay them. The paperboy will join forces with other paperboys and make peoples life's a living hell.

They would steal candy from your children, and trip you when you aren't looking. They snicker and point at you across the room, and call you during supper and make fun of your fashion sense.

Yes... the paperboy can become pure evil if it is necessary. So if you can't pay them, it's a lot better to just hid from them and stay out of their way.

Kakashi wasn't _afraid_ of his paperboy, oh hell no. He was the great Copy Ninja of Konoha! ...He'd just rather someone else to have for company... that's all.

So while hiding in his closet for the few first minutes; he came to the only conclusion... he must kill his paperboy!

It was the only way... it wasn't like he has much time to read the newspaper in the first place. After he would finish is horrible deed he would cancel his subscription to the Konoha news and put the past behind him. Yes... he would be free... Finally be free, and wouldn't have to look out of the window anymore to see who was at the door.

Kakashi looked around the closet to find a weapon... the best thing he would find was an umbrella.

"It would have to do." He said to himself and griped on it tightly.

He then slowly inched himself towards the door, hearing the doorbell ring again. He was ready for the kill... it would be easy. It's not like he didn't do something like this before. He can beery him in the back beside the milkman and that damn Norman he killed so long ago...

Kakashi winced hoping that none of the paperboy buddies would be around to witness this... he took a deep breath and was ready to begin the bloody massacre but stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Sakura and Ino at his door.

"Uh... Hi Kakashi-sensei." Sakura raised an eyebrow confused, "What's with the umbrella?"

Ino's left eye twitched a bit and has some weird reason she was going to explain about this to her physiatrist in the future. Kakashi's arms were above his head and holding the umbrella as if the was a samurai sword. She didn't even want to know what the hell was going threw his mind.

Kakashi just stood there.

So did the girls.

>

But then Kakashi decided to put his umbrella down and act like a normal humanized man. "Can I help you...?" He asked.

"Yes you can. You owe us and we want you to pay your dept now." Ino demanded.

Kakashi winced, "Uh... does it have to be now? I mean... can't we do it another time?" He asked; He didn't want his precious beauty sleep interrupted anymore.

"No. It must be done now. My social life depends on it!" Ino yelled. She will not be denied... no she refused to be! Kakashi winced... it looked like Ino was really determined.

Kakashi turned to Sakura confused and tired, "Sakura, can you make her change her mind?"

Sakura shrugged, "Sorry Kakashi-sensei. But it has to be done."

Kakashi tilted his head down and sighed. "Fine... what do you want me to do?"

"Come shopping with us!" Sakura and Ino sang simultaneously.

"..."

"..."

"What?" Kakashi asked.

"I need a new wardrobe and I figured to hit two birds with one stone and make you come along with us because it's a known fact that all men hate shopping."

Kakashi's eye winched. He hated shopping with the opposite sex because they always made him wait for two hours while they try on a pair of pants. It drove him mad but he couldn't take back his word. He did promise them he would pay them back somehow... but maybe he can make a deal with them...

"Well... how about instead of shopping I can train you and teach you a bunch of powerful skills so that nobody will mess with you." Kakashi asked.

"What?" Sakura gasped and clenched to her heart.

"Ya, I can show you lots of techniques you could make you become some of the best ninja's of Konoha if you work on them enough."

"OMG!" Sakura said. She grabbed Ino and began to shock her violently, "Let's except Ino!" Sakura screamed with joy. This could be her only chance to catch up with Sasuke and Naruto! This was her chance to finally kick some major ass! "We can go shopping any day! This is our only opportunity to become really good ninjas!"

"No!' Ino said pulling away from Sakura's grip. "I didn't come here on my day off to train! I came so I can go shopping!"

"Are you sure? This is a limited time offer." Kakashi said.

"Yes, I'm sure! Now let's go already!" Ino yelled and they stomped off. This conversation was so over!

Kakashi sighed; he hated his life right now and all he wanted to do was sleep in.

Sakura cried; her life sucked and she will never get strong at this rate.

>

Konoha Shopping Centre! Or as the locals like to call it: KSC. Yes... KSC... where all your shopping needs are fulfilled From Groceries to Videos and Book's, from jewellery to Magazines, from tool shops and clothing to health care. It also has the Zeller's that started that tragic 2 for one sale several years ago.

And what a hell of a food court! Konoha Shopping Centre is the land of gods! And those particular gods were the ones of shopping...

When Sakura, Kakashi, and Ino reached the greatness of this building it was packed full of people doing there daily business.

"It's beautiful..." Ino and Sakura sighed watching doves fly pass them and a rainbow in the background above a gigantic fountain in the centre of the mall.

"_Hokage-sama has to learn where to endorse Konoha's money..."_ Kakashi put his hand over his mouth and winced knowing that the Hokage has used the tax money to build this place and all the fancy escalators and light bulbs that go with it.

Thus the shopping begins! Ino automatically ran straight to a store and started to buy some new clothing for herself. She grabbed herself a few pairs of jeans and ran off to the dressing room. So Sakura and Kakashi sat down and waited... and waited and waited. Kakashi got board very quickly and fell sleep.

It may seem that Sakura and Ino are on friendly terms and are acting nice to each other... but on the inside they aren't. They are only cooperating together for the better good and to make it seem painless and go by quickly as possible.

Anyway, woman can wait for days for a friend and is expected to be wake and waiting for them when they return. So you can imagine it was rather insulting so see Sakura sleeping as well beside Kakashi.

"Sakura!!" Ino screamed.

She couldn't see it with Sakura's face resting on her knee and her hair in her face but Sakura gave a little smile of satisfaction. The Sacred Hat never said she couldn't annoy the hell out of Ino.

"Wake up! I wasn't that long!" She walked up to the pink haired girl and kicked her in the leg as hard as she could.

"Ow!" Sakura yelled surprised and planed to kick her back but stopped in mid-kick hearing Kakashi snoring.

"Ew." Sakura, make him stop." Ino said pointing to Kakashi moving her head from side to side seeing a little group of people around them. "He's starting to catch everyone's attention with that loud snoring."

"Why do I have to stop him?"

"He's your teacher." She complained.

"Oh fine..." She sighed. Sakura kneeled down and shock Kakashi, "Kakashi-sensei, wake up."

"Ugh...?" Kakashi said waking up.

"Let's go now. People are starting to stare at us."

"Uhhhhh.... okay." Kakashi nodded still half asleep while managing standing up carrying Ino and Sakura's shopping bags. There were about twenty of them and they kept on coming. He felt his shoulders turn to stone and was starting to get heavy.

>

"Is it possible for us to rest for a while?" Kakashi asked.

"No, I want to get some nice jackets before fall comes and scarf's to match." Ino said.

"_I can't believe this..."_ Kakashi thought feeling the sudden weight of more bags for him to carry. He looked at them in shock and disbelief, "How can you spend all this?! Where is the money coming from?!"

Sakura and Ino shrugged.

>

Kiba was afraid... yes, he was very afraid. He poked his head out the window to see if the close was clear; he had to make sure that _they_ weren't around.

He was living in fear and he hated every second of it! He despised that rotting feeling... it made him sick in the stomach and he had to do something before it engulfs him!

Yes... he felt something starting to change inside of him. A new goal for him to achieve.

Kiba would face his fears and charge head on! He would go towards Vanessa and Jen and kick them in the ass... yes... see how they like it! Gah...gahahahaha!

However; unnoticed to Kiba while he was laughing mentally in his mind his big sister was sneaking up from behind.

"HI KIBA!" She screamed and touched his shoulders. This caused a chain reaction of Kiba screaming like a little girl and jumping in the air and clinging on the ceiling completely forgetting about his new founded determination.

>

... Uh

...Let's go back to Kakashi and the girls.

"Are you girls done yet...?" Kakashi asked with his eye closed because he was in the unmentionable section of the store for women.

"Kakashi, can you please be a little more patient?" Sakura asked with a tone in her voice. She couldn't understand why boys couldn't stand still and be quite for more then two minutes.

"It's too big..." Ino called out in the dressing room and threw a bra over the door and Sakura catches it with ease. Ino opened the swinging doors with much disarray on her face. "I really like that one too. Let's go find a smaller version like it."

"Okay." Sakura nodded her head and agreement and handed it to Kakashi. "Here, take   
this." She said and ran off with Ino. 

"What am I holding?" He asked.

"What are you doing here Kakashi...?"

Kakashi opened eyes and to his horror he saw Kurenai in front of him raising an eyebrow wondering what he was doing in the woman's aisle.

Then he looked down the pink-laced bra he was holding....

"Uhh...." Kakashi trailed off trying to think of something fast.

Kurenai blinked.

"Here, this would look good on you!" He gave them to her and ran off to Sakura and Ino, grabbed them by the wrists, and began dragging them out of the store.

Kurenai was still confused and stared dumbfounded. Then she looked in her hands to see what Kakashi has given her and came to one conclusion. "Wow, this would look good on me!" So she grew a smug on her face walking towards the counter deciding to purchase the bra.

>

"Kakashi! What are you doing?" Sakura blushed in embarrassment by being dragged out of a public place as if she was a five year old having a tantrum.

"I decided to play along with your little game and it was nice while it lasted... it really was. But now it's over." He said.

"Wait! You just can't break your promise... I didn't even start shopping for accessories yet!" Ino said.

"Hey, you should be thankful I at least tried to go threw this. But I can't take it anymore. You think any of the Jonin instructors would agree go shopping with you if you asked them?"

"Kurenai would love to..." Sakura said.

"I think Gai might..." Ino smiled weakly and shrugged.

"Okay... other then those two." Kakashi sighed.

"I could find some blackmail material to force Asuma." Ino said.

Kakashi said, "You can make anyone do anything with the right blackmail material."

"Then there's your answer! Every Jonin would agree to go shopping with us!" Sakura said.

"Alright, forget I even asked." Kakashi said more determined then ever to get out of the place... at least... that's what he thought. For what he saw in front of him made him stop right in front of his tracks and just stared.

He turned to the girls and said in a very neutral voice, "I just remembered... I need to go in this store."

The girls turned their heads to where he was pointing and their noises flared up. "Kakashi-sensei! We can't go in there!" Sakura yelled.

"_Obviously_. You two just wait out here for five minutes tops! The newest book from the Ichi Ichi paradise came out last week and I _need_ it." Kakashi said. For what he was pointing at was a.... well... some sort of dirty bookstore or... something. (Just go with it...)

Sakura crossed her arms and gave a shameful look at Kakashi. As being a woman she _hated_ those books. But if it meant that they could stay a little longer she would allow it. "Oh alright...! But only if we can stay here for another hour."

"Ya, sure." Kakashi said. As long as he had his series to read he could stay all night. So not wasting another second he dashed into the dirty bookstore and Sakura and Ino sat down on a nearby bench and waited...

...and waited...

...and waited...

"Okay! It shouldn't take forty minutes to look for a book and buy it! That's why they have employees!" Ino screamed standing up with a sudden rage exploding inside of her. 

"I agree." Sakura sighed. "But what can we do? We are too young to go in there and look for him."

"_Let's burn the damn place down!" _Ino thought.

"Hey! There he is!" Sakura called out pointing Kakashi sneaking out of the mall.

So Sakura and Ino ran after him and since they really couldn't beat him to a bloody pulp or anything because they were rather weak ninjas they just nagged and yelled at him for the rest of the day and that's pretty much how this chapter ends. Was it uneventful...? Well... when it comes to the ultimate story line..., which is sex... yes. Yes it is. But most of the chapters are like that. Not necessarily important... but the main idea of it is funny... at least I think it is.

What was the point of the chapter? Well... we all knew subconsciously that it was going to happen and we are now relieved that it's over and we can move on... which is chapter 12... so enjoy yourselves and eat this lovely pie I made for you. (Gives you slice of pie)

>

BurasMew: I don't really have anything to say... and even my counterparts.   
SnyperKat: That's not true. I had a dream that Garra was Mexican and had orange hair... he was topless too and kept saying some greeting that I can't remember.   
Silverwing: Was he doing naughty things to you?   
SnyperKat: Ha. I wish.   
BurasMew: Then it isn't worth mentioning. Anyway, before I got rudely interrupted I was going to say that I was sorry for such a long wait for this chapter and it wasn't even an important one if the first place... and I don't think it was one of my bests... I actually think it was one of my worst top three... anyway, I'm making it up to you buy posting up the next chapter right and it's even my most smallest. XD   
Silverwing: We are not going to write the thank you list in this chapter and will be written in chapter 12... which is being posted right after this one... but if you want you can review this chapter too... I'm not forcing you or anything... it would just be nice thing to do....SnyperKat: So go ahead and read the next chapter! XD It's like... right there! Just look to the right at the bottom of the screen and chapter 12 should be up. If not then is being a bitch again and you might have to wait for 24 hours.   
S.W and S.K and B.M: (waves goodbye)

Name of chapter 12: **Poor Choji**   
>Random paragraph/sentence from Chapter 12 to make you come back:   
"**NO! YOU WILL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!!" Choji screamed at the top of his lungs.**


	12. Chapter 12: Poor Choji

Title: Just for the ladies  
Chapter 12: Poor Choji  
Written By: BurasMew 

BurasMew: Hi everyone. How are you? Well... this is the next chapter and perhaps the smallest. Enjoy and the thank you list for chapter ten will be after this chapter.

I don't own Naruto...

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Poor Choji... he's been hiding in his trashcan the moment Ino suggested to come to her sex ed. class. And he ain't coming out until he knows it's safe no matter how much his legs cramp out. _"At least I won't get hungry."_ He thought picking dirt off of some left over pizza. Choji stopped his feast when he heard two knocks at the top of the garbage can.

"You'll never take me alive!" He screamed trying to tip the can and roll down the street to his freedom.

"Choji, calm down! It's me!" A voice screamed lifting the lid.

Choji looked up and gasped seeing who it was, "Shikamaru!"

"So this is where you are hiding. Everybody has been looking for you." Shikamaru yawned tired that he had to do so much physical activities today.

"Really?" Choji asked.

"More or less." Shikamaru replied waving his hand around.

Choji poked his head out of the garbage and looked around cautiously to see if Ino was anywhere is sight. "So... Ino caught you?" He asked.

"Yes." Shikamaru said making his knees go num and flopped down to the ground to rest and lay down.

"Is it still going on?"

Shikamaru sighed and waited a bit before answering. He was always taking his time to think of the right words to say to him, "...Yes..."

"I see... well, you tell me when it's over." Choji said grabbing the lid out of Shikamaru's hands and put it back on the top. Then is got quite for a long time... Shikamaru sighed again; for what he was going to do next was the most troublesome thing he would have to do in his life.

Shikamaru stood up and kicked the lid off and grabbed Choji by the shoulders. "There is no way I am going to go threw another pointless class without you suffering with me!" Shikamaru grunted trying to drag Choji away in the horizon

"Nooooooooooooooooooo! You'll never take me alive" Choji screamed at the top of his lungs trying wiggle free.

Then Shikamaru stopped and realized that Choji would make the class number odd again and would leave Choji partner-less... or be forced to team up with the Konoha kickers Jen and Vanessa. "Damnit!" He yelled and went to the market to find another poor unfortunate soul.

"You!" Shikamaru pointed to a boy randomly who was strangely holding a gigantic gold key.

"Uh... yes?" He asked raising an eyebrow.

"This may sound weird but are you presently in a sex ed. class?"

The boy looked shocked and took a step back, "Are you coming on to me?!"

"No. Just answer the question."

"Uh... no, I'm not."

"THEN COME WITH ME!" He said and dragged the boy away with Choji which was much more then he could bear but for once he was really determined.

"Where are you talking me?!" The boy demanded.

"I'm taking you to a sex ed. class so my friend Choji will have a partner."

"SEX EDUCATION!? I can't go to a sex education class! I'm on an important mission!" The boy blushed and then screamed even louder then before. "Donald! Goofy! Help! I'm being kidnapped again!!"

>

"Uh... Donald... I think Sora is being kidnapped." A gigantic dog thingy said poking over Donald's shoulder watching him buy some souvenirs.

"I'm sure he can handle himself. He has the Keyblade for goodness sakes Now shut-up and let me finish my shopping!." Donald yelled.

Goofy then stayed silent for the rest of the day for he was his bitch.

>

"_Why aren't they doing anything...?!"_ Sora cried anime style. 

"Hi! I'm Choji and I will be your partner." Choji said happily even if he was being forced to go. He might as well be on good terms with him partner.

"Uh... Hi. I'm Sora." Sora said shacking Choji's hand.

"Wow...! Those are some big shoes!" Choji laughed.

"Uh... thank you.... Did you see a gigantic mouse in a black straight jacket running around your world?" Sora asked.

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh...... no."

"You sure?"

"I would have remembered if I did."

>

"We have more great news everybody!" Gai cried out holding the two new students by their shoulders. Everyone turned away from socializing with his or her friends. "We have two new people to join our class so let's give them a warm welcome to Choji and uh...

"Sora."

Right! Give a warm welcoming to Choji and Sora!" Gai smiled and pushed them into the crowed of unhappy boys because they got to suffer less then them. So they gave them friendly punches on the shoulders except they weren't meant to be friendly and they actually hurt.

"_I want to go home..."_ Choji cried.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

BurasMew: Short? Yes. Pointless? No. And I just wanted to put Sora from Kingdom Hearts in my story for just a little role... he wont be in long. I promise! ... and also that I don't own Kingdom Hearts... and if I put that in the beginning you would know someone from Kingdom Hearts was going to show up and the surprise would be ruined! 

Silverwing: ... Uh... anyway... this is the sneak peek of the next chapter...

SnyperKat: Which I have to say is a real story twist if I ever saw one! XD

Name of chapter 13: **Poor Orochimaru**

Random paragraph/sentence from Chapter 12 to make you come back:

**"Hello Mrs. Orochi..." Kabuto blushed twiddling his thumbs. He looked like a five-year-old boy confronting with his favourite preschool teacher.**

**> **

Thank you list:

Thei: I'm glad you thought my story was amusing… shame that you didn't get most of it.

Chibihatsuharu: Of course Tenten would pass! Did you really print out the chapter?

Neko-Ribbon-chan: I love your name by the way. But don't worry about Kiba… all will work out in the end.

Onitatsu: Thank you for your review. I hope you didn't hurt yourself too much.

Kamikakushi: Thanks for the review Kamikakushi. I'm glad you like the results for the egg… because _your_ option matters to me…… (becomes all big eyes)   
(S.K and S.W: … what?)

The Fox of burden: Yes… Old men love….. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Saki-kun: Oh thanks you so much Saki-kun! I'm glad you like my story. I love all my reviews. (gives hugs to everyone) except for… the flamers… man, I hate them.

ShinakaStar: And the Hokage is going to get even weirder!!!

Night-Owl123: Thanks again for the review… you were there since the beginning man…! … or woman…

Crimson Fate: Yes… the grading was very funny I find… Don't worry… I have quite a few more ideas for this story… so this is going to have at least 20-25 chapters.

the one uchiha sasuke truly loved and married: Wow! What a name! XD I love it when people read my story during school and they try not to laugh so they wont seem crazy… you're the third one.

Inuyasha-gal-97: Thank you!

Durian: Thank you for your review! 


	13. Chapter 13: Poor Orochimaru

Title: Just for the ladies Chapter 13: Poor Orochimaru  
Written By: BurasMew 

Hello everybody! I apologize again for the long wait; the reality fairy crashed threw the just re-built wall that Captain Planet crashed threw in chapter two.  
Me: I… just plastered that…  
Anyway, the reality fairy grabbed me by the collar and screamed in my face: HEY! LISTEN UP YOU LITTLE PUKE! THE MID-YEAR EXAMS ARE IN A MONTH AND YOUR GRADES SUCK!!! YOU BETTER STUDY!!  
Me: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!  
Ya… that's how it went……… again. Anyway, enjoy!  
I don't own Naruto

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Poor Orochimaru… but we shouldn't care why he is in so much misery. Actually, we should laugh at his misfortune. We should, because he's pure evil and loves to shave cats and steal chocolate from little girls for a hobby. Orochimaru is also well known for his bastardness and for his great eye-shadow applying skills that make teenagers green with envy. But we don't care about the stuff he's good at! We want to find his weaknesses so we can point and laugh… and oh… how we will laugh…

I'm sorry, Orochimaru fans, but even you know he deserves it. He deserves what's coming up to him in this chapter. However Orochimaru is wise and knows what's coming for him. He is also doing everything within his evil powers to prevent it from happening. Orochimaru has killed all mailmen within one mile near the just built Sound Country no matter how many times Kabuto insisted that every good country needed a good running postal service.

The days were being counted down in Orochimaru's head. Every year he did this in fear and hated being so afraid looking out the window every 15 minutes and hiding in the closet hugging his Tinny Tiny Baby and sucking on this thumb. He even got call waiting hooked up on to his phone… yes, it was only a matter of time now and Orochimaru was a total wreck knowing the horror that was coming…

For you see… today, yes… today was mother's day.

"Don't answer the door!" Orochimaru screamed at Kabuto who was about to turn the knob on the door.

So just imagine this happening in slow motion… Kabuto, unable to realize what Orochimaru wanted from him, begins opening the door.

Orochimaru: nnnnnnnnnnnoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!

Kabuto: whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? (still in 'door opening motion')

But this is how it really happens: The sweet/nerdy/sexy/innocent boy almost jumped five feet into the air when his master's voice became really high-pitched and girly without any warning. "What's wrong Orochimaru-sama?" Kabuto asked in his sweet/nerdy/sexy/innocent voice…. No! Wait! He's on the bad side! We must despise him also!! EVILLLLLL!!!

Kabuto raised his eyebrows in confusion and poked his eye in the door eyehole thingy. When he did he gasped in excitement and practically threw the door off the wall. "She's here!" He cried.

"NO!!" Orochimaru screamed again and before them was the world's smallest, oldest, and evilest looking woman in the world. She looked like a older, smaller, female version of Orochimaru. She even looked like a snake…. No… no wait… it's more like a worm. She had black hair tied up in a bun and wore really ugly grandma clothes… did I forget to mentioned she looked more like a worm then a snake?

"You never answered my phone calls." The evil old lady said in a deep cranking voice, which made Orochimaru's ears bleed. She looked like those teachers in the old days that took out the whip on the children for no apparent reason… she was pure evil… almost as evil as Cathy in East of Eden…. What a bitch she was.

"I'm sorry mother. I have a evil country to run; I wanted to call you so badly but things kept getting in the way …" Orochimaru hissed but he really wanted to dip her in oil and throw a lit match on her and scream at the top of his lungs: BURN IN HELL YOU OLD HAG! GAHAHAHAHAHA!!

His mother narrowed her eyes and then dropped her evil bags on the evil cold floor. "I'm staying here for a few days Orochimaru." She said evilly, making a rat in the next room screech in pain from her evil voice and drop dead. Yes, it was very evil… evil, evil, evil. Evil. Evil, evil? EVIL! Evil… evil.

Ohmygod… that word has no meaning to me now…

"It will be a pleasure to have you here mother." Orochimaru's face cracked forcing himself to smile. While ignoring the pain in his face he signalled Kabuto to pick up her bags.

"Hold it!" His mother yelled and forced Kabuto to drop them, "I think an evil overlord is capable of picking up his mothers own bags." She turned to Orochimaru with a grin on her face, "Hurry up dear. Chop, chop." She clapped her hands together with her stern voice.

She then turned to Kabuto and all the tense muscles loosened on her face and she transformed from bitchiest to nicest mom of the year. "Why, hello Kabuto dear! How are you doing this year?" She asked in the sweetest voice she could create… but even then another rat in a hole died not too far off.

"Hello Mrs. Orochi…" Kabuto blushed twiddling his thumbs. He looked like a five-year-old boy facing his favourite preschool teacher. He then reached into his pockets and pulled out some poorly painted cup made of clay. "It's a pencil holder. I made this for you last time you visited but you left in such a hurry I couldn't give it to you."

"Oh honey, it's beautiful!" She said taking it, "I'm going to find all my pencils in my house and put them in when I get home. Oh, speaking of which…" She gasped and pulled out a jar of cookies. "Take these Kabuto. They are your favourite."

"Shucks…" Kabuto blushed and took one out. He then started to nibble on the raisin cookies; savouring the taste.

"HELLO!? I'm still here!!" Orochimaru yelled tempting to throw the bags at Kabuto's face. The dark lord's eyes narrowed with disgust… Kabuto was stealing his mother's affection.  
Something he never got from her.  
…But Kabuto seemed to be getting it from her easily… 

Orochimaru tightened his jaw and felt every little muscle on his face twitching… Kabuto will get his… After waiting for Orochimaru's mom and Kabuto's lovely chat to finish she was finally ready to be taken to her room.

"Come Orochimaru. The room better be presentable enough for me." She said with lack of emotion in her voice. Orochimaru grabbed her bags and lead the way, cursing every moment of it. His mother stopped instantly right beside the phone. "I see you got call waiting." She said.

"I just got it yesterday." He replied and kept on moving.

.  
.

You may have forgotten… but Naruto and the guys were planning on tomato-ing Gai's house because of that stupid fieldtrip he made them go to not so long ago. I don't blame you if you forget… that was like… when? Chapter 8? So let's just do a little back tracking to refresh your memory.

"_My god, that fieldtrip was pointless!" Sasuke mumbled sitting in the back again._

_All the boys agreed… so they made a plan together to bomb Gai's house with tomatoes in the middle of the night when everybody was sleeping. However, Rock Lee was sleeping in his seat so he couldn't disagree at the moment._

.  
.

So there you have it. All the boys are packing up and rendezvousing at the Dairy Queen so they can plan things step by step. "I brought some toilet paper just in case." Kiba said unzipping his backpack showing the large amounts of toilet paper.

"Is that Cottenelle?" Naruto asked before popping chocolate mint ice cream into his mouth.

"The softest." Kiba replied.

All the guys were sitting at a round table going over blueprints and whatnots while enjoying the greatness of the Dairy Queen ice cream. Shikamaru wasn't there… he found it way too troublesome…. And Neji and Lee were somehow late.

"Where is Lee?! He is suppose to bring the most important ingredient of them all!" Naruto cried out after waiting for five minutes.

"Wait… you convinced Lee… 'Mini-Gai' to egg Gai's house?" Shino asked surprised.

"We're not egging his house. We're tomato-ing his house." Sasuke said in his matter-o' factly voice.

"Tomatoes?! I thought you said eggs!" Choji said talking out his cartage of eggs on the table.

"No! I said very clearly that we are throwing _tomatoes_ at his house." Sasuke said throwing his bag of tomatoes on the table looking rather insulted that Choji have forgotten the _he_ suggested tomatoes.

"Don't do that! You are going to burst them!" Choji cried hating to see good food going to waste.

"It doesn't matter if we're going to impale them on someone's house."

Shino blinked… he didn't understand these people. He also didn't understand why he decided to come along with them. Of course he found that fieldtrip rather pointless and disturbing but that didn't seem a good enough reason to attack someone's house with tomatoes… or eggs… or toilet paper… or some other thing that Rock Lee is suppose to bring…

That reminded him.

"Naruto, how did you convince Lee to do this?" Shino asked turning to Naruto again.

"Haha! I didn't!" Naruto laughed as if he just said the cleverest thing in the world. "Lee doesn't know what we are really doing so I twisted the truth a bit."

"What… did you tell him then?" Shino asked almost to afraid too find out. Just as Naruto was about to open his big mouth a voice cheered behind them.

"YAY! WE'RE GOING TO SIX FLAGS!!!" Rock Lee cried for joy.

Neji rolled his eyes.

"Lee! You made it!" Naruto jumped up from his seat. "You… got it, don't you?"

"Yes I did Naruto… but I know _why_ we need this to go to Six Flags." Rock Lee said raising a eyebrow and handed over a brown paper bag.

"You'll find out…" Naruto smirked rubbing his hands together and smiled with delight.

"Now that everyone is here we should get moving." Sasuke said also getting out of his seat causing a chain reaction with everyone else.

"YAY! WERE GOING TO FIX FLAGS!" Rock Lee cried out again.

Rock Lee discovered something... it was hard to see at first but it be becoming more and more clear by the second. What was it that gave it away? Was it that when they started walking, it was in the opposite direction of Six Flags? Or could it be that everyone was sitting on the ground, in the bush, right across a Gai's house.

"We're not going to Six Flags aren't we?" Rock Lee asked realizing.

"No. We're doing something even more better then that." Kiba said unzipping his backpack taking out his toilet paper.

"We're gonna egg Gai's house." Shino replied flatly.

"Tomato-ing!" Sasuke said.

"That isn't even a word Sasuke."

This took a while for all of this to sink into Rock Lee's head, "Wait! Why are you doing this?"

Everyone gave Rock Lee a confused look, "You didn't know? I thought we were all in this together." Choji said.

"No, Lee was sleeping when we first planned it." Naruto replied.

"I refuse to be part of this!" Rock Lee yelled standing up getting ready to warn Gai.

"You have to Lee. You're the most important person in this plan!" Naruto said. "You have to get Gai out of the house so he won't stop us. You are the only one he really trusts and will trust you till the death!"

"I don't care. Gai-sensei never deserves something like this!"

"Fine. Go ahead and tell him… but if you do we're going to tell the entire village that you can't wait to be a mother." Kiba smirked.

"I will not let myself become controlled from blackmail!" Rock Lee yelled, "And for the last time I didn't say that!"

"Come one Lee. What's better? Throwing some eggs and toilet paper around someone's house or everybody knowing you want to be a mom." Naruto asked.

Lee's eyes narrowed.

Gai opened his door and to his surprise Lee was there on his porch with a forced smile. "Lee! What a lovely surprise!" Gai said flashing his shiny teeth.

"I'm blind!" Naruto screamed on the other side of the street in the bush trying to cover his eyes with his hands.

"Did that bush just scream?" Gai asked.

Lee shook his head, "Forget about the bush Gai-sensei! I have important news!" Lee said with great enthusiasm and peep… but Lee was dead inside. Lee was dead. "I have heard that Anko has something to tell you and is waiting for you on the other side of town!"

Gai gasped, "Really?!"

"Yes! She must be confessing her love to you! You should go right away!" He said and before you could say 'purple monkeys in a can' Gai dashed out of the house and to a romantic hopeful future.

"I hope you're happy…" Lee sighed watching the others jump out of the bush and running towards him.

"Let the egging and toilet paper throwing begin!" Kiba yelled for revenge would soon be theirs!

"Don't forget about the tomato-ing!" Sasuke cut in; he really likes tomatoes.

.  
.

Let's go see how Orochimaru is doing ne?

Orochimaru watched Kabuto nibbling another one of his mother's cookies; One of Kabuto's many rewards for whatever the hell he did to deserve them.

"Well…" Orochimaru's mother began, "I'm going to get naked and take a shower and use up all your shampoo. I expect to get to get a foot rub when I get out Orochimaru dear." His mother said walking up the stairs.

When Orochimaru was sure she was nowhere in sight he kicked Kabuto up the ass causing him to puke out the cookies.

"Ow! What was that for?!" He said rubbing his butt. Kabuto knows he shouldn't raise his voice at Orochimaru like that, but there should be some extent as to what he was allowed to do out of the blue.

"It's mother!" Orochimaru hissed.

"I don't know why you hate her. She's the best mom ever!" Kabuto chimed.

"Every year I have to put up with this! She comes here for a small visit and she is like a tapeworm sucking out everything I enjoy in my life and keeps questioning my ability of being evil! It's driving me mad! I can't stand her voice anymore; always killing the animals and I'm not rubbing her ugly feet either!"

"W-what are you going to do?" Kabuto asked nervously.

"I'm going to kill her!"

"Kill her?! But Orochimaru-sama, she didn't even use the pencil holder I gave her!"

Orochimaru gave Kabuto such a evil glare it wasn't even funny... considering this is a humour fanfic and everything about this should be funny.

"Well uh… since she's standing in your way of complete global control I guess it wouldn't matter." Kabuto laughed nervously.

"Good." He replied coldly.

"But Orochimaru-sama… it's just that I made a really great dinner for 3 and I just don't want the food to go to waste."

Orochimaru sighed. "Fine. I'll kill her after supper."

At the dinner table it was a deadly silence. Orochimaru's mother… of who we decided not to give her a name was eating at her food Kabuto set out for them slowly. And Orochimaru… it was more like poking at his food then eating it. It wasn't that Kabuto's cooking skills were questionable.  
Hell no.

He was just eager/excited to end his mother's life. As if the sharp kitchen knife being thrust into the table and dragged it into the edge repeatedly while giving a evil glare at his mother wasn't a dead give away… Sadly however, he has failed to recognize the fact that as soon as he finished eating he could flip over the table and begin the assassination. Hmm, go figure.

Who knows why he hates his mother so much. Well… everyone can't stand his or her mother at some point or another but he really, really, really hates her. Shall we do some sort of flash back thingy to find out? Ya, you would like that would you. That would just solve all our questions and go: Oh… that's why he hates her. But I'm not really in the mood to type right now and I really just want to post this thing and watch the reviews fly. But looking at Silverwing and SnyperKat behind me with a cow zappy stick I guess I really have no choice.

**::Insert Flashback Music::**

Orochimaru… when he was young… you might say he was a very beautiful boy. He wasn't pretty boy of the year but for sure you wouldn't call him 'ugly as a butt.' Anyway, Orochimaru was a very promising ninja at such a young age and was not… how to say this…? 'Ugly as a butt.'

But I bet you already knew that. However there are still many things that we don't know about Orochimaru's childhood. Like he had a older sister named Gorilla. (You can imagine where this is going can't you?) Ah yes… Gorilla was the head of the family and was favoured more then Orochimaru. Although we have no idea why… for she really was as ugly as a butt.

"Why can't you be more evil like your sister?!" Orochimaru would hear his mother say threw out his entire childhood. He was always second best from his sister Gorilla and all he wanted was just a little, tiny bit of satisfaction and love from his mother. A simple 'good job!', or "I love you" or 'You are way too cool Orochimaru, too cool for school!' from his mom would have saved a great deal on Konoha's part and saved Orochimaru's sanity.

But she didn't.

Question: Why?  
Answer: Who knows? Maybe it was because she was a evil bitch. 

Anyway, one day he decided no more! The first opportunity he had being alone with Gorilla he slaughtered her like a cow and threw her corpse in the garbage can. Orochimaru thought that for killing Gorilla, his problems would finally be over and the healing could begin… But it didn't.

Even with his ugly older sister dead he still didn't get any affection from his mother. Hell, she still thought that Gorilla was alive with plenty of help Orochimaru repeatedly saying: 'Oh, she's at a friend's house' or 'Gorilla is doing community service work.'

And it was easy to pull off because she was high all the time and could believe anything at the moment. It was just a mere coincidence that his mother discovered the joys of marijuana when Orochimaru killed his sister…. Anyway she got over that phase sooner or later. Don't ask me how or when… she just did.

The point that Gorilla was still getting praise from his mother and the fact that she was _dead_ did not go over so well with Orochimaru. This made him hate her even more and just wanted to take a knife and go completely stabby on her ass.

So throughout the continuing years Orochimaru's mother always been comparing Orochimaru's evilness to a rotting corps.

Okay…. Do I have to continue on with this flashback? You understand that he hates his mother because she is always comparing him to his dead sister right? So… can we just continue with the story? Good….

**::End of flashback::**

"You know…" Orochimaru's mother began after just patting her mouth with her napkin and placing it down softly, "Gorilla would have already taken over Konoha if she was still alive."

Orochimaru just took in a deep breath trying to tell himself not to start yet, but the urges were strong it was getting very difficult to fight them. (Ew, if we didn't know what was going on we would be like: holy! That's gross!) He raised an eyebrow at Kabuto while hissing at him.

Kabuto had one piece of food left on his plate.

Orochimaru promised that he wouldn't kill her till everyone has finished eating.

1 plus 1 equals two.

"Well…? Aren't you going to finish that?!" Orochimaru asked with twitching eyes.

"Uh…" Kabuto looked down at his plate with that little green broccoli just sitting there. He didn't even like broccoli. Isn't it funny how God loves to mess up with Kabuto's life?

Kabuto took in a deep breath and took on last look at the woman who he loved. Well… he didn't really love her. He just loved her cookies.

"FINISH YOUR MEAL!!!!" Orochimaru screamed.

Kabuto rolled his eyebrows in annoyance and stabbed the broccoli with a fork then popped it into his mouth. "Are you happy now??"

"Very."

And with that Orochimaru flipped over the table to begin the slaughter.

The End

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Readers: OMFG! We waited almost two months for this?! It doesn't even have anything to do with the original story line!

BurasMew: Um ya… I have been getting complaints about that actually. You have all been very patient the last few chapters just hoping that I would actually do some sex-ed classes where we actually learn something. It just had to take one review to realize that I was getting off subject… It would have taken just 3 more chapter to get rid of all the whatever's and then some classes. So a special thank you Jay-chan3 for making me rearrange my outline of the story to make it better.  
Silverwing: ……… I have a new obsession….  
SnyperKat: Who is that?  
Silvering: Itachi.  
BurasMew: …  
Silverwing: What?  
BurasMew: Nothing. Now on to the thank-you list! XD 

KawaiiMisha-san: Thank you for your review

SGL: Wow… those are some powerful first three words. Same back at ya'!

Jay-Chan3: Yes… I realized I am getting off-topic… but no more! ….. For at least the first few chapters. I promise the next few chapters are strictly classes. I moved around the story line just for you.

ShinakaStar: …… Sorry you couldn't see Orochimaru suffer sooner… and I hope it's to your liking.

Kawsek: Yes! I am the master! MUAHAHAHAHA!! Bow down to me!

Kamikakushi: Hiiiiiii! How are you today? I'm great…! I'm crossing my fingers hoping to review my next chapter… here… are you pillows fluffed enough my 100th reviewer? (fluffs pillows)  
Silverwing: Would you like some more lemonade?  
SnyperKat: Bow down to the mighty 100th reviewer of this story!! (bows down)  
BurasMew: Anyway, it's kinda thanks to you that this story is up today and not in another two weeks. You're on my e-mail alert thingy and when I saw you updated your story I'm like: omg… I better update mine also!! …. Ya, I'm going to review your story as soon as I can. (Give me a day or two) 

Saki-kun: Yep! Sora showing up was really random. I just bought Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories and I'm like "OMG!! SO COOL!!!! XD" through the entire game. .

Chibihatsuharu: Understood! . Thanks for reviewing chibihatsukaru!

NekoRibbon-chan: Oh yes! Woe is Sora!! I just love his new look in KH2! Yum! .

Night-Owl123: That…. (eyes twitch) doesn't help me figuring out what your gender is…

P.S: Okay. you may be thinking... what a pointless way to end the chapter! It didn't even show any vilonce! I don't understand you, you crazy person! ... Well... don't worry... All you answers will be questioned about Orochimaru's evil mother's death. Just not yet.


	14. Chapter 14: Poor Shino

Title: Just For The Ladies  
Chapter 14: Poor Shino  
Written by: BurasMew

BurasMew: Hello everybody! I hope you're all doing well. I have to say that the gang and I are going on strong and loving every moment of it.  
Silverwing: (snorts) That's what you think.BurasMew: (ignoring S.W) Ah yes… we share such a strong unbreakable friendship! Isn't that right SnyperKat?  
SnyperKat: Yes… friendship… unbreakable… stuff… (Reading Video Girl Ai.) …My lord… this stuff is nasty…  
BurasMew: … Did you take that from my secret stash?  
SnyperKat: B.M… why are there no men!  
BurasMew: … I ask myself that question every day…  
Silverwing: wtf? What are you guys talking about?  
BurasMew: You do NOT want to know.  
SnyperKat: That is so in the brown.  
Silverwing: Ew… what?  
SnyperKat: Never mind, we're getting off topic again.  
BurasMew: Ah yes! True! Enjoy the next chapter! XD 

I don't own Naruto

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Poor Shino… He's got ants in his pants. But that was a completely different fanfic written by another author. So let's start that again. Poor Shino… what really is wrong with him? Absolutely nothing! He just proved everyone that he has the potentials of raising his child to become the next Hokage…! Yes, he was strutting his stuff on the streets of Konoha letting everybody know that he knows how to handle children… and look at that ass! Buns of steel baby! XD So besides the fact he's a gigantic bug attractor, which makes girls squeal in fright and run away and makes five-year-old boys point and shout out 'cool!' There is no real reason to pity him.

Yes, there is nothing better then having the fruit of your loins being _THE _Hokage. It's a great honor, plus the father could gloat to the members at the country club. Not only that but if Shino's future child would become the Hokage he could not only gloat to the country club but to all the ninjas in the village! Before it was like 'Oh look… there is insignificant Shino. His body is infested by bugs, and is a loner. Let us mock him!' But all that would change and would spit in their faces and kill them for poking fun at him. During mid-thought of this Shino couldn't help but laugh out loud at his future victory. Yes, revenge would be sweet and Shino was actually excited now to start family since he knew he had a right parenting skills to raise _THE NEXT HOKAGE!_

Yet Shino stopped in mid-laugh just realizing a very important detail… _It takes two to make a baby._ (He didn't need sex education to know that.) Yes, he just realized that there is not only a father role… but a mother role as well. He couldn't just pick any girl to continue the Aburame clan. Resulting in that might change the child's future of becoming _THE NEXT HOKAGE!_ Both parents' personalities affect the child's interest and values. He _has to_ stick with Tenten… anybody else would give Shino a different result.

Upon realizing this, his twelve year-old part of his brain finally kicked in causing Shino to spaz out.

'_EW! GROSS!'_ Shino thought in his mind but on the outside stayed rather calm. (It would take a long time to get back his dignity after laughing out loud in public like that)

But putting aside him spazzing out, Shino was actually starting to consider this; His father has always told him to get a girlfriend… or was it to get off that damn PS2 and rake the leaves? Shino wasn't really paying any attention to his father when he was giving that speech. Anyway, it wouldn't hurt to get a little bit of a social life and start thinking more about girls… which was what most boys do… right?

He didn't mind Tenten that much. Considering the fact that besides Hinata, Tenten is pretty much the only girl he knows. She seemed polite and quite an easy person to talk to... Plus she wasn't as squeamish about Sasuke as the other girls. Tenten even looked a little pretty once he really started thinking about it.

You wouldn't be able to see it but he started to blush a little under his collar.

He stopped in his tracks facing the ninja academy to where that cursed extra-curricular course is taken He took a deep breath and walked inside. For today his life would make a major change! Shino was going to ask Tenten something really adorable and cute (in our eyes anyway…) like walking her home or carrying her books. Then he would slowly work his way up until they would be officially called an 'item'

"Hi Shino!" Tenten waved.

Shino blinked.

"Maybe tomorrow…" He mumbled and took his seat.

Now if you been in several worlds with bubbly Disney magic oozing everywhere you go you would think that the 'Naruto' world with ninjas would be the most coolest place in the freaking universe.

"OMFG! THIS PLACE IS SO COOL!" Sora squealed in delight hugging a random ninja that was walking by. Yes, all of this was making Sora rather gay and peppy, for being in a world with ninjas is the dream of all fourteen year olds.

This was all rather dandy, however:

"I really should start looking for Riku and the King." Sora trailed off in deep thought. He was having fun but now it was time to move on. It was clear that _they_ weren't here and it was just best to just hop to the next world and continue the search. Thus the final decision was made!

"I gotta find Donald and Goofy so we can get out of here!" Sora went on his merry way. But then he stopped dead in his tracks remembering something. "ACK! What about that sex class I'm in!" Well, Sora was in a situation which he could only see two outcomes. One was that he could get the hell out of this world and never return, and the other one was he would stay participating in the class.

He'd rather pick the first option but he just couldn't leave Chouji partnerless!

"Aahhh! But it's so disturbing!" Sora cried out in distress yanking at his hair. He wanted to flee but his good nature was making him want to stick to the end for Chouji and not be such a jerk…

"Vanessa? What's wrong?" Jen asked looking at her friend sniffing the air like a dog.

"I smell a jerk in the making… let us ride!" Vanessa called out, and with that they jumped into the jerk-kicker mobile that was actually a shopping cart and began their own search for justice and truth! (The specific part of Konoha that they were in had lots of hills so there was little need to give the cart a push to start.)

Anyway, Sora had lots of thinking to do…and he better think quick because the Konoha kickers and coming in his direction at 40 mph.

"Gai and Kakashi-sensei are getting rather late." Sakura puffed as she started taping the end of her pencil. She didn't want to spend any more time in here then she needed to.

"Kakashi has been late to every class." Ino said behind Sakura just getting into class. She gave out a small cough and sat down beside her. "However Gai was hardly ever late, so I'm starting to worry what's taking so long…"

Sakura's face lit up when she saw Sasuke come in the class. "Sasuke-kun!" She smiled and ran up to him. "Since we're done with all the 'partner' lessons I was wondering if you would like to sit with me now."

Sasuke, as usual, seemed unfazed and has the same look on his face saying 'how dare you waste my precious time! I should slap you, I should!'

"What are you talking about Sakura!" Ino approached behind them and tugged on Sasuke's arm. "Sasuke should sit with me!"

Sakura grabbed Sasuke's other arm quickly before Ino could pull him away. "Hell no Ino-pig! Sasuke is sitting with me!"

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah… you know that this is going to go on for a while…

"Gai, you been here since Friday morning. You have to face the facts that she isn't coming." Kakashi said patting Gai on his shoulder. He looked down at his watch and realized that they were getting beyond late. Even for Kakashi's liking.

"No, she's coming! I know it!" Gai yelled out dramatically with tears flowing down his cheeks like rivers.

"It's been three days and we're getting really late for the sex ed-"

"But… she'll come! I know Anko will come because Rock Lee told me so!" Gai cried out shaking the bouquet of flowers his hand.

Kakashi sighed. Gai was way too blind with love to see anything else but what he wants to see. Kakashi realized that nothing he would say would change Gai's mind.

"Maybe she got sidetracked and forgot."

Gai sighed deeply relaxing his shoulders. "Ya… maybe that's what happened."

"Alright then. We should go now." Kakashi said and gave Gai a little push in the direction of probably the second most disturbing Sex Ed. class in this entire story ever.

"YOU'RE TWELVE HOURS LATE!" Sakura and Naruto screamed in perfect unison when Kakashi and Gai finally arrived.

"Heh, Gai must have found out about the mess we left him behind." Kiba whispered having a big smirk on his face and nudged his elbow at Naruto, "He looks really out of it."

"I had to go home two hours ago to make supper for my family!" Tenten complained. Everyone in shock turned to Tenten's direction in disbelief.

"Tenten has a family?" Someone whispered in the crowd.

"We're very sorry we're late. So we're just going to give you the assignment quickly and let you go home." Kakashi said walking front and centre of the class room and looked around. "Hmm… the rest of 'the girls' seemed to have left early. Perhaps it's for the best…"

"We have _another_ assignment?" Shikamaru complained. Note how he really stressed out the word 'another' which could have meant that the amount of tasks to be done in this class was unremarkably large or he could have been a sarcastic little puke and trying to point out that they have learned absolutely nothing in the course over the past few weeks.

Kakashi winced noticing that almost everybody wasn't in his or her proper seat. "This is also a group assignment. So everybody get back with your assigned partners."

"Hooray!" Hinata cried out practically jumping out of her seat and pushing Kiba's out of his to sit next to Naruto. "Hi Naruto-kun." Hinata said sheepishly.

"Hi Hinata." Naruto said.

"_Ow…"_ Kiba thought.

"I thought we were done with that egg crap…" Neji narrowed his eyes giving his 'I'm pissed off' look.

Sasuke looks quite grateful. He would rather be with Neji then between two crazy fan girls.

Chouji began to panic… where was his partner! That Sora guy seemed like a nice person! He wouldn't just abandon him would he! WOULD HE!

"We are done with parenthood Neji..." Gai said to his student. "But you seem to forget a very important ingredient that goes with parenthood…" Everyone raised an eyebrow wondering what the heck Gai was talking about. "Childbirth!"

"What…?" Naruto mumbled under his breath and before anybody could say anything else Kakashi and Gai did a bunch of flashy seals simultaneously.

"**_Shussan no jutsu!"_** They both yelled which a big flash following quickly. Naruto couldn't remember much after that… but when he did come to he has the weirdest feeling ever. He couldn't really understand why… but he had the most strongest craving for…… pickles.

Naruto's eyes twitched and noticed something wasn't right. He finally looked downwards and when he saw what was before him he wished he didn't.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Naruto screamed in distress.

Sasuke looked at Naruto wondering what he was raising his voice about but when he looked down he also couldn't help but scream. Following was all the other boys who noticed that something wasn't _normal_.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The janitor would hear the screams of terror coming from the sex ed. classroom.

"Poor bastards…" The janitor mumbled and spat on the floor. (okay, he wasn't a really good one.)

While all the girls just looked extremely pale not believing what they were seeing.

"Why am I pregnant!" Naruto screamed and jumped for Kakashi ready to start strangling him but the jonin just grabbed his two rists with ease.

"Don't worry Naruto. You just _think_ you're pregnant." Kakashi said.

Naruto's whiskers twitched one again. "Wha…?"

"We were originally going to give you those 'pregnant belly… thingys' but it happened by chance that I found this old jutsu in the book of pointless ninja techniques. So we decided this was a hundred times better and so… here we are today." Kakashi explained.

"You don't necessarily have a baby inside of you. It's lot like an illusion, but you can feel your bloated stomach and perhaps feel it kicking. But along with it comes all the morning sicknesses and mood swings." Gai followed.

Naruto blinked. "BUT WHY? WHY NOT THE GIRLS?" He pointed to all the girls who remained untouched… or unaffected. Whatever man, use whatever word you want. I like both of 'em.

"They're already capable of being mothers, and that is if they choose to be. However you men never will has a chance to get pregnant. Why do you seem so upset? This is a rare opportunity and should embrace it!" Gai cried out victoriously.

Naruto blinked again. "BUT WHY!"

"Naruto, just forget it. Go sit down." Kakashi sighed and shooed him away.

"Anyway, all of you just play the part of 'mothers to be' and girls… try to make sure they don't hurt themselves."

"What a second!" Sasuke hissed. "We're both guys, how the hell are we suppose to take care of each other if we're like this!"

Neji just stayed silent. He felt so dirty and ashamed. "Don't look at me!" He would finally scream trying to cover his face and fell down with his chair.

"Hmm, you're right." Kakashi said and looked at Sakura and Ino. They were sort of in the same boat. He turned to Gai and said, "We might need to move the teams around a bit just for this project. It isn't really fair if some people have two pregnant men (oh god… isn't that the most weirdest sentence you ever heard?) and they would have to look after each other."

"Yoshi! And I know just how to settle this!" Gai called out.

"Me too! I wanna be with Sasuke!" Ino screamed raising her hand.

"No way! I volunteer to be with Sasuke!" Sakura screams banging her shoulder against Ino.

"And we shall decide by using _the sacred hat!_" Gai gave a victorious cry drawing out the sacred hat from some random place. "Alright, now we just need to write down Sakura's and Ino's name and place them into the hat." Gai took a piece of paper and did what he said. "So whoever's name is picked out will be with Sasuke. Are you girls ready?" Gai asked.

Sakura held her breath and Ino crossed her fingers as Gai shook the sacred hat a bit and took out a folded piece of paper. "And the person to be with Sasuke is…" He read the paper, "Ino!"

"YESS!" Ino gave out a victory cry followed by a victory dance followed by a victory song: "I won, you lost! I win, you lose! Don't pout, don't cry! Kiss this! Goodbye!"

"Noooo! I'm stuck with Neji!" Sakura started crying at her luck.

Neji's eyes twitched. He didn't know whether to feel insulted or not.

"Hey…" Shikamaru yelled in the background, "As much as I would like to point out that we are also in the same situation, I just have to say that Rock Lee fainted and hit his head really hard on the fall. I think we should call the hospital or something."

"Omg! What is wrong with this class! Why is there always problems that I have to fix!" Kakashi yelled and was about to continue but Sora suddenly crashed in the class.

"I finally decided that I'm going to stay-" Sora stop screaming and noticed all the boys pregnant. "… Starting next week…! See you later Chouji!" He waved goodbye and got out of there as soon as his skinny legs could take him, and quickly after that Jen and Vanessa came running to the room.

"Have you seen a kid with really big shoes?" Jen puffed.

"Eeee!" Kiba ducked under his desk.

"We've been trying to catch him all day." Vanessa replied.

"Ah, girls! You came here just in time. Are you two able to go with separate partners for a extra assignment… you get extra credit for this…"  
"You can do that?" Gai whispered.

"Shut-up. Just work with me…"

Jen and Vanessa looked at each other for a while and shrugged. "Sure."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

BurasMew: So there you have it. All the guys are pregnant.  
Silverwing: Wow… I just couldn't see that coming. Who would have thought?  
BurasMew: … Shut up.  
SnyperKat: As much as I would love to see the guys get pregnant, when are they actually going to learn something… in the class room… and not just having 'assignments'? and damnit, when will my sexy Gaara show up!  
BurasMew: … one day. Maybe. I dunno… you shut up too.  
SnyerKat: Well, I just think some of our reviewers are going to be like 'Shino and Tenten? Wtf?'  
Silverwing: Yes, I don't know how it happened.  
BurasMew: Anyway, if you have time, you can read Silverwing's first posted fanfic called 'Silverwing's Crossover' which is in the crossover area. ENJOY! XD

Name of chapter 15: **Poor Asuma**  
Random paragraph/sentence from Chapter 12 to make you come back:  
**Asuma was completely speechless… how the hell could all of this happen while he was gone on a mission? "So…" He took a long drag out of his cigarette, "Explain to me again how you got pregnant Choji? … and why do I have to take care of you?"**

Thank you list:

FenrisLupus: Oh my. A cookie of doom for me? That... brings back so much memories. (sniff) I'm so glad that you find my narration so apealing. I found your review interest to read.

Silverwing: Hey Silverwing! Thanks for your review.  
Silverwing: No problem.

SnyperKat: Muahahaha! Yes, I am great arn't I? Thanks for being one of my betas for me.  
SnyperKat: No problem. 

FireDragonBL: (looks compeatly terrified) OMFG! I HAD NO IDEA THIS STORY WAS GOING TO BE SOME MESSED UP SHINO/TENTEN! I SWEAR! IT JUST HAPPENED! XD

ShinakaStar: Horrah! Oro-torture! I have no idea why the long hiatus, things keep popping up. My lord this month sucked.

Neko Ribbon-chan: Merci beaucoup Neko Ribbon-chan! Yes! Another member to add to the 'read story in computer class while trying to fight back laughter' club.

Neji-kun: Ya! That was awesome. Thanks for the review and I'll try to update fast if you do too!

Kellz: Yes, this story is yaoi free. But meh, it just doesn't call for my story. I'm glad that I made you laugh after a C-

KawaiiMisha-san: Hiiiiiiiii! "Orochimaru being a perverted ass and trying to get Sasuke" Lol! Love your review!

esther: omg esther! Thank you for reviewing almost every chapter. I am touched. And I have something to say. I agree that chapter 10 was a little out of control when it came to old people and I apoligize. I re-read it and I was like: omg! she/he's right! Then I became depressed a little bit thinking 'I am not a bad person!' Anyway, I appreciate your honesty, and thank you for the reviews.

saki-kun: Sorry saki-kun. No discovery of Gai's house yet. (Wait for next chapter!)

Night-Owl123: Hiiiiiiiii! Thanks for your review Night-Owl123.

Neji-kun: It's all-good.

fan: Yes, I think that is the one of few brilliance of my story.

Boducky: (reads your review) EW! THAT IS JUST NASTY! o0 That was, I swear, written by accident.


	15. Chapter 15: Poor Asuma

Title: Just For The Ladies  
Chapter 15: Poor Asuma  
Written by: BurasMew

BurasMew: Are we there yet?  
SnyperKat: I don't think so.  
Silverwing: You guys are idiots.  
SnyperKat: Hey…. (Insulted)  
Silverwing: Fine, then B.M is an idiot.  
BurasMew: Tell us something we don't know. Anyway, I'm reallllllly sorry for not updating sooner. When I had a really good chunk of it written down I reread it and realized that it didn't really flow and was all bunched up together. So, I started over, more or less. Anyway, this chapter is dedicated to Razor firefly for waiting so patiently for the next update… and the same goes for everybody else. So to put up for it, this chapter is going to be extra long. XD

Enjoy!

I don't own Naruto.

* * *

Poor Asuma… what the heck was going on while he was away? He was only leaving Konoha on a simple mission to protect an export of random items to the snow country and when he comes back his beloved ninja city is in a different state of mind! They have gone on ahead without him. He is left right in the middle of a complex storyline that makes no sense to begin with! 

Asuma would scream in confusion, but sound refused to come out. He could only watch the spectacle that was playing out before him. He took a long drag out of cigarette looking rather out of the loop with all the crazy hair and Canadian randomness. He looks like one of those guys who would chase a squirrel with a hockey stick and laugh like a madman because it inhabited his roof for several years. If he was a normal person like everyone else his mother might have named him Leslie Boyd. But his name isn't Leslie Boyd. We have to appreciate the fact that his name is Asuma… and he is not, dare I say, Canadian. (But we can dream.)

Now, you might be asking yourself, where the hell did all that come from? Well, to be honest with you; I have no idea, and I'm very afraid. The point is that we have to pity Asuma because the poor man is lost beyond all reason. In front of him was an assembly of women protesting to the Hokage; ready to give him a bitch slap across the face.

"Women please! If you all stop talking at the same time I can help you with your problem!" Hokage tried to scream over their voices.

"We want 'Gabriel', who really isn't Gabriel to confront Cassandra about him not being Gabriel! The cliffhanger with Cassandra confessing to 'Gabriel' that she's not carrying his child is unforgivable. We demand a restart for that episode!" Anko screamed being the leader of the mob. Regardless of her still being sick as a dog, she wasn't going to miss an opportunity like this to change her favorite soap opera.

"We're been waiting for five months for the confrontment of the evil brother! CONFRONTMENT DAMNIT!" A woman yelled.

The Hokage's pipe fell on the desk, "What on earth are you talking about?"

"THE SOAP OPERA!" The women screamed.

After collecting himself back together the Hokage tipped his hat to the side and replied, "Ladies, I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news but I have no power over this soap opera that you watch. Why aren't you making a complaint to the studio that makes the show instead?"

The group became quiet that crickets could be heard in the distance. Finally, Anko shrugged, "It seemed like a good idea at the time."

Asuma didn't even see the ending of that event. He quickly closed the door and sneaked away at ninja speeds deciding that he could just tell the Hokage the results of the mission later. But no! That wasn't the only confusion that Asuma was faced with. For what was in front of him next was a sight truly to be seen. "Gai! What the hell happened to your house!" He screamed.

Gai just stood there on the sidewalk, looking at his once beautiful house that is now a freakish hellhole. Who knew how long Gai was standing there? Time didn't seem important to Gai. Time seemed to have frozen in space to him. His gnomes were shattered all over the place, the trees were wrapped in the softest toilet paper you can imagine, and his yard and house was smeared with eggs and… tomatoes? … But the most horrid fact that hovered over his mind was… his gnomes weren't pretty no more.

"Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh." A weird sound came from Gai's mouth.

"Uh… Gai, are you alright?" Asuma was about to rest his hand on Gai's shoulder to give the man some comfort but instead he turned to head and saw a stampede of women coming in their direction.

"TO THE STUDIO, LADIES! VICTORY WILL BE OURS!" Anko gave out a battle cry then a coughing fit. The others quickly followed suit.

"Asuma-sensei…" Asuma heard a small voice and felt a tug on his vest. He looked down to see Ino and Chouji giving him a sheepish smile.

"Hi Asuma-sensei." Ino gave a weak smile, trying to act as if everything was normal, living in a normal world, and everyone was happy, happy, happy!

"Hello Ino, how are-" The man froze when he glanced at Chouji. His cigarette fell out of his mouth. "Chouji… what happened to you!"

Chouji hid his face in his scarf in embarrassment. "It's a long story-"

"You are not going to believe this Asuma." Ino replied.

"I can't believe you gained so much weight in such a short amount of time. You almost look pregnant."

"WHAT!" Ino scream in disbelief and clenched her fist, "Chouji didn't gain any weight!"

"That's not what I see Ino."

"You moron! He IS pregnant!" Ino shoved her partner to Asuma. She couldn't believe how stupid this must look and how stupid the word coming out of her mouth must have seemed. So many things have happened in such a short while that if she wasn't there to see it, she would have never believed it.

"What do you mean he's pregnant?" Asuma said. "That just doesn't happen to men."

Ino rolled her eyes, "Well, that was before Gai and Kakashi taught sex-ed."

Asuma blinked, and then cleaned his ears, "What did you say?"

"Gai and Kakashi are teaching sex-ed to almost all of the kids in Konoha… well… girls anyway."

Asuma then pondered over this for a while, "Well, that does sound strange and farfetched, but not completely impossible… but I still don't understand why this has to do with Chouji gaining a few pounds."

"Asuma-sensei! Chouji didn't gain a few pounds! He's pregnant! Kakashi and Gai did some messed up jitsu, and now all the boy genins are with child!"

Asuma gave this pitied look at Ino. He took a deep breath and placed his hands on her shoulders, "Ino, whatever you ate for breakfast, never eat it again. It must be making you hallucinate so I think you should lie down for a while."

"Ohmygod, you are so in denial!" Ino pulled at her hair.

"I'm not in denial, Ino. I know how the male body works. Boys can't get pregnant, there is no such jitsu on this planet-"

"Well they found one!" She interrupted "So now he's pregnant and I can't look after him because Sasuke's waiting for me at his house. I refuse to waste another minute so I'm going now." Before Asuma could protest, Ino left a dust trail behind her leaving those two alone.

"Hey, wait a minute…" Asuma turned to Chouji. "Did Ino just say that she was going to Sasuke's?"

"Yaa." Chouji finally said something.

"OHMYGOD! WHAT HAPPENED WHILE I WAS GONE!" Asuma ripped out his beautiful Canadian hair leaving lots of bald spots. "No! My hair!" He screamed.

* * *

Neji's fingers dug deep into the chair's arms. He wanted to hiss, spit and scream certain profanities.

_The embarrassment of it all!_

It wasn't entertaining anymore. The class, he admitted, had its moments but that's all gone now. The humor dried out a long time ago and now there is nothing left but shame and dishonor. He looked at his bloated stomach and dug his nails deeper. If chairs could talk this one would _scream_ murder.

His stomach wasn't something hard to miss. It looked rather big in his line of sight because he was slouching down. So there it was in his face… laughing at him, mocking him. Scornfully taunting him as if it was almost as it was saying: _You're a woman._

He mumbled under his breath like a madman. Neji looked like he was about to commit murder and rip off all of the corpse's limbs off and use them as soccer balls… or something really random and violently scarring like that.

And poor, poor Sakura was there it witness it all. _"I got to get out of this crazy place!"_ The young girl thought as she pressed herself to the corner wall hoping to go right through it like a ghost. She couldn't run; Sakura wouldn't know where to go. This was her first time into the Hyuuga's manor… she didn't even know where the bathroom was yet!

"Uh… Neji?" Sakura managed to shake off some of her nervousness. "I hate to be the bearer of bad news but it is midnight… and I think my mom is starting to look for me now."

Silence.

"So uh… if you can just tell me how to get out of here I'll be on my-"

"No."

"E-excuse me?" Sakura asked nervously. She was shaking in her boots. But before she could figure out why she got paired up with the psycho, Neji jumped out of his chair and sprinted towards her with murderous intention in his eyes.

_"Omg!"_ Sakura thought and unconsciously went to her pouch to grab a kunai to get ready for anything. Thought before Sakura could do anything to defend herself Neji grabbed her arm and smacked the kunai out of her hand. He then dragged her to the wall and pinned her.

_"I can't believe this is how it's going to end! I'm going to get violently slaughtered by a pregnant man!"_ She cried in her mind. The room was full of murderous intention it was suffocating her.

Neji placed his cheek beside hers and whispered one word in her ear. "…Watermelon…."

…

…

"What?" Sakura said in disbelief.

"I need watermelon… now." He hissed. Neji couldn't explain his sudden urge for the fruit. In his mind the picture of a delicious, fresh, juicy watermelon had just been dancing around in his mind during the last minute and he just couldn't stop thinking about biting into one. He had to have one… he demanded to have one. "Get out here and get me a watermelon!"

"What the hell are you talking about!"

Neji gave his most psychotic look, it make me look like he was possessed by demons, "If you don't get out to the market and get me a watermelon right now I'm going to break every bone in your body and block every hold (Hole?) in your Chakra system!"

"Neji, you're fucking crazy!" Sakura screamed.

The next scene quickly shows us of fragments of glass everywhere and Sakura jumps out of a window screaming freedom. Neji quickly follows her in pursuit while holding onto his bloated stomach.

Neji then noticed that his energy was running out quickly and was slowing down because of the baby. He soon stopped altogether watching Sakura crash threw the main gates. "You better be running to get me my watermelon Sakuraaa!" He screamed.

* * *

The rather large duck looked at the boy in disbelief. Why, out of all people in the worlds out there did he have to be stuck with him... the most dumbass of creatures that he ever laid eyes on?

"So… tell me how on earth this happen to you." Sora smiled weakly rubbing his pregnant belly.

You would have thought that Sora had gotten out of Kakashi and Gai's grip. But you thought wrong. As soon as the class was over Kakashi and Gai hunted Sora down and used the same jitsu on him that they used on the other boys. It was actually a very interesting chase scene, but we have no time to go into details now about past events! On with the story!

"I'm really not sure how it happened, Donald. But it should go away soon… I hope."

Donald narrowed his eyes. He felt like he was his mother most of the time and had to watch over the boy every second unless he would end up getting… surprisingly pregnant. He shook his head in shame; He guessed the keyblader really did need watching over. "Sora, I'm disappointed in you."

The child just flashed his famous smile and gave out a small laugh. "Don't worry. It's not that big of a deal."

Shikamaru didn't know how to react with the Jen character. She was after all… one of the Konoha jerk kickers. She has… dare we say… _'connections'_. Okay, well, maybe she doesn't but let's pretend that she does. Should he be afraid? Never wondering when she will end up having her boot up his butt? He put some consideration over this and came to a conclusion. They both seem to have a silent agreement on being lazy.

Jen doesn't want to work… Shikamaru doesn't want to do hard labor either. So they pretty much did nothing all day… if you don't consider eating and watching television.

Oh, also when Jen had to get up to go to the bathroom Shikamaru scratched himself… but besides that, it was rather uneventful.

Now last chapter we didn't really see Shino's reaction of him getting pregnant which is really weird since last chapter was called "Poor Shino", and it is suppose to revolve around him in some way? But as you could have guessed, his reaction was pretty much the same as the rest of the boys. Shocked, depressed… confused. All this and more. PIE!

Anyway, Shino was locked away in his room and refused to come out until next Friday. The day that Kakashi and Gai promised to unleash the jutsu they put on the others and himself. He will not show himself in public. It would be just too embarrassing. The world does not need to see 'pregnant' Shino. The others can do whatever they want and prance around in the streets showing off their bloated stomachs but not Shino. Hell no! He was going to stay in his room and nothing was going to stop him-

* * *

"Shino! Can you get the door? I have my hands full at the moment." His mother's voice could be heard in another room.

_"Damn…"_ Shino cursed in his mind. After several attempts of getting out of his chair he unlocked all the little locks and chains that were on his door to go greet the guest at his door. You do not want to mess with Shino's mom, man! If she asks you to do something, you do it. Regardless of you having a pregnant belly that you're trying to hide from the world or not.

When Shino got to the door he saw Tenten waiting on his porch.

"Tenten!" Shino closed the door a bit to hide his stomach. "What are you doing here!"

Tenten raised an eyebrow, and felt a little hurt. "Well, we are partners aren't we?"

"Well, ya but-" Shino paused trying to think of an excuse of some kind, "There really isn't anything that we can do together right now."

"That's nonsense." Tenten said forcing herself inside. She knew he was hiding something, "I have to make sure you don't have a sudden 'breakdown' and go off in the streets to release your rage." Tenten did that finger thingy on the world 'breakdown'. "I just heard from Sakura that Neji went all crazy on her demanding melons or something. She was forced break a window and jump out to escape." She sighed. Of course she knew that Shino was nothing like Neji but she just wanted to make sure that he was okay.

"It's not necessary for you to watch over me. I'm sure my mom can go out and get me… melons if I need them."

Tenten hung her head, "Shino, I think the situation was a little bit more-"

"Anyway," Shino stopped her, "would you like something to… eat?"

"Uhhh…" Tenten hesitated. She didn't' really feel like seeing bugs crawl all over her breakfast like last time. "No thank you

Shino. I just ate." She lied.

"Fine." Shino said and closed the door behind him.

"I wanted to know if you would like to go outside with me today."

"Outside?" Shino's eyebrows rose, then shook his head. "No, that isn't an option."

"Isn't an option?" Tenten had a deep tone in her voice, one that a mother would give to her child if he didn't answer the question that she didn't want to hear. "What do you mean ii isn't an option. You've been in this house for two days!"

"That's here is where I'm staying." Shino flopped down on a lazy boy, having no intention of getting up.

"I bet you haven't showered in two days also…" Tenten said covering her nose. Something smelled really funky in here.

Shino narrowed his eyes. "There isn't any need for verbal abuse. It's just the bugs mating season, that's what that smell is."

"Oh." Tenten said. "I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it." Shino waved it away as if it was nothing. "It isn't so surprising that a room was filled with thousands of bugs would smell kind of funky."

Suddenly Tenten burst out laughing. This made Shino shocked. "What are you laughing at…?" He didn't really remember anything he said that would be considered funny.

"You just said the word 'funky'. My image of you now is just totally destroyed." Tenten said between laughs. She always imagined him as the silent type like Sasuke and Neji… just not as popular. She expected his vocabulary to be a bit more advanced than the world funky.

_"That's great."_ Shino thought, _"That's the third time in two days that my reputation got shot down the drain."_

"But I really think you should get some fresh air. How about we just go to the park for about ten minutes?" Tenten suggested.

"I really don't feel like it." Shino replied calmly.

"Well, you're really starting to smell like bug juice and I'm using nice words here Shino." Tenten rolled her eyes and grabbed for his hand to pull him out of the chair. In mid pull Shino blushed like mad and freaked out when she grabbed his hand.

"Ahh! What are you doing!" He cried, easily getting out of Tenten's grip and before he knew it he fell down backwards on his chair taking it down with him.

"OMG! Shino! Are you okay?" Tenten said.

"…" Shino blinked. Make that the forth time in two days, "Let's go to the park." Wait, strike that off the record. Make that the fifth time in just two days.

Sasuke gave his disappointing glare when Ino finally arrived. "You're late…" He said.

"Sorry Sasuke!" Ino cried running up the porch stairs. She didn't know how fast she was running getting here but she was exhausted. "So, what do you need me to do?"

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. He never really considered thinking about it. He wasn't having any cramps and was actually doing every well on his own. Sasuke looked around is yard for a while. "You can weed the yard."

* * *

"Hmm, Pie." Vanessa said.

"Ya, pie's good." Rock Lee sighed.

"But you know what's better then pie? …Mashed potatoes. They are the best food in the world."

"Okay." Rock Lee said a little edgy. It wasn't that Rock Lee felt threatened by Vanessa. Hell no. She just seemed a little too hyper and random for his liking today. He was very tired and was worried that his water would break if she didn't stop jumping behind him every corner screaming "BOO!" … and that was if... his was water to break. Who knew how far this illusion could go? And Rock Lee didn't want to find out.

It was hard enough to accept that after he woke up from the hospital after hitting his head and fainted last sex ed. class when he discovered that he was pregnant. He was convinced for the first fifteen minutes that the doctors did the wrong operation on him… some how…

It wasn't until when Gai showed up that he explained to Lee why he was supposedly pregnant.

So during the last four days he did nothing but rest and ate healthy. He didn't want to disturbed anything going on in there… but Vanessa had been breaking the cycle.

"BOO!" Vanessa screamed when Rock Lee came out of the bathroom.

:SPLASH:

Rock Lee did not look down, didn't want to.

"Holy shit!" Vanessa cried out. "I think your water just broke! BBQ!"

* * *

Kakashi wasn't sure he should let them do this. Regardless of no matter how much he liked watching his students in their little mishaps, he was beginning to think that this was crossing the line. "Guys, you don't have to do this."

"No, we want to do this." Naruto said punching the air.

Sasuke nodded his head agreeing.

"You guys are crazy!" Sakura yelled at both of them. No matter how much she was in love with Sasuke she couldn't help but feel he was a fool today. Maybe being pregnant for three days wasn't helping.

"I'm tired of staying home all day with Hinata having to take care of me. She has better things to do!" Naruto replied. Sasuke however couldn't really agree with Naruto on that. Because of Ino staying at his house for the past few days his lawn has never looked nicer… and today he was going to ask her to clean the gutters.

He couldn't really help it if Ino was willing to do all this work for him. She was determined to do whatever it takes to get him to notice him. And hey, it was free labor (more or less) so Sasuke was keeping his mouth shut.

"You two might get really sick. You both seem to be like… 7 months pregnant."

"It's an illusion isn't it!" Naruto raised his voice, rubbing his stomach. He was actually getting quite close to it, and his reaction was just priceless when he first felt the 'baby' kick.

"It is an illusion… however your body is going to react the same way if you were women with child! "

Sasuke and Naruto still refused to change their minds. To them this was just another way to prove that they were better then one another. "Just give us a mission Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto raised his voice unnecessarily again.

"Well, there are potatoes that need to be harvested-"

"We don't care. We'll take it."

"Easy for you to say!" Sakura screamed clenching her fist. "Anything you do is going to be a challenge. I don't want to spend the whole day gathering potatoes!" She wanted to KILL Naruto right now.

"Sakurrraaa!" A voice screamed in the background.

_"Oh shit!"_ Sakura's eye widened and her body shook at the sound of the voice.

"Did I just hear Neji…?" But before Naruto could turn around Sakura grabbed his arm and forced a large smile on her face.

"OMG! Potato harvesting! What fun! Let's go there right now!" And Sakura dragged the two boys in the opposite direction of where Neji's voice was coming from.

Sakura was laughing. She was laughing and laughing and laughing. She felt as if her kidneys would rupture. To busy holding her sides to pick up any potatoes, her bag was still clenched tightly in her fist. Sakura watched Naruto and Sasuke trying to _squat_ down to pick up the potatoes. They tried many tactics and one of them was to lean off each other to pick them up. Kakashi was doing a good job hiding his hysteria but that train already left for Sakura.

She was going mad. She was laughing at her beloved Sasuke! It had to be the classes; they were making her go insane. Nothing seemed normal anymore. She wanted to cry feeling that she was betraying him but instead the tears off her face were from laughing too much. The classes! She was convinced it was all those pointless un-educational sex education classes that Kakashi was teaching that were making her go insane.

"Shut-up!" Naruto screamed in the distance. He didn't care if he was raising his voice at Sakura. This was downright embarrassing and Sakura's laughing wasn't helping him feel better about it. While trying to squat down he held on Sasuke's shirt.

"Naruto no!" Sasuke raised his voice. "We already tried it like that! We know that it won't-!" But it was two late and both of them came crashing down.

Sakura was now a hopeless case. She fell down to her knees still holding her sides. Kakashi is going to pay for this! He was going to pay!

When Kakashi realized that the boys couldn't really do anymore hard labor he called it a day.

"How many did I get…?" Naruto asked.

"About 18." Kakashi said.

Sasuke didn't ask, not caring if he beat Naruto or not.

"Sakuraaa!" A voice screamed behind them. There was Neji looking stressed out with strands of hair out of his ponytail, and hissing between his teeth. He looked like a psycho on PMS.

"Oh god." Sakura sighed.

Neji marched up to them and grabbed Sakura's wrist. "We need to talk." And with that he dragged her away. Naruto, Sasuke and Kakashi had this weird expression on their face.

"Okay, Neji. What do you want!" Sakura said whipping her arm to get her hand free from Neji's grip when they got a good distance from her teammates.

Neji turned to face her, "Did you get my watermelons!"

"You came all the way here to ask me that! You could have saved yourself two hours by going to the market and getting them yourselves!"

* * *

"What do you think their saying?" Naruto leered over Sasuke.

"I can't read lips Naruto."

"I bet he's talking about how Cassandra was having an affair with 'Gabriel' with Ryan but 'Gabriel' isn't really 'Gabriel' but his twin brother."

Sasuke slowly turned his head to Naruto wondering what was going in that head of his.

Not that long Sakura and Neji parted ways. Sakura was red in the face with anger as she walked up to her teammates.

"Let's go home." Sakura said.

"Fine." Kakashi said not questioning anything that went on between Neji and Sakura.

"But we need to stop at the grocery store…" She continued.

"Why?" Naruto asked.

"I got to pick up some melons for the wife."

* * *

"HELP! HINATA! I FELL DOWN AND I CAN'T GET UP!" Naruto screamed in anguish lying on the floor.

"Naruto-kun!" Hinata dashed into the room where Naruto's voice was coming from. Naruto's body was spread over the floor with utensils and jars of food splattered everywhere. "How did this happen!"

"I dunno… It all happened too fast." He said in a daze.

_(flashback)_

_Naruto was getting all the things he would need to make a mayo and pickle sandwich… then suddenly he realized that the pepper was on top of the shelf. He tried to reach it but was too short. So he grabbed a stool and climbed on top of it to reach the pepper. Somehow he lost balance and feel down bringing half of the kitchen with him._

_(end of flashback)_

"Wait!" Said Hinata. "Did you just say you were making a mayo pickle pepper sandwich?"

"Ya... why?"

"Eeeew." She mumbled to herself.

* * *

BurasMew: Hi everybody! I finally finished this chapter.  
Silverwing: sigh I'm so freaking tired. How long as it been since you started working on it?"  
BurasMew: … Let's not even go there. Anyway, just to explain a few things to you in case you didn't understand:  
1) Neji was having a craving for a watermelon. When women are pregnant they get cravings out of nowhere for random things. Silverwing and I just randomly picked a watermelon for Neji.  
2) Apparently, if a woman is close to the deadline of the date she is suppose to give birth, having a powerful emotion (laughing really hard or being really scared) their water can break. That's what I've seen in shows and whatever. If I'm wrong then I'm wrong. (shrug)  
3) Women can also get really weird, weird craving… like mayo pickle sandwiches… o0  
SnyperKat: and then… the dog died.  
BurasMew: Of course.  
Silverwing: Just one comment BM.  
BurasMew: Sure Silverwing, what is it?  
Silverwing: If you forget to properly space your paragraphs again, I'll poke your spleen so hard, it'll break your neck.  
BurasMew: Ow... Sorry Silverwing.

* * *

Wild-Bite: Now, it took me a while to try to remember who you were because I knew for a fact that I read one of your stories. (Aside from the fact that you said you were reading peoples stories that reviewed yours.) And when I figured out you were the one who wrote Full-Bloom my jaw fell to the floor and I realized that I wasn't worthy. I was like: OMG! Wild-Bite reviewed my story! And then I danced. I'm glad you like it so much. When I read your fanfic you totally inspired me to do better! 

L4zyl4dy: OMG! Your name is so freaking hard to write! Yes, it's fun to watch the boys confused isn't it?

Tytf: Ohmygod. Somebody has some sexist problems. I'm so sorry that women, let alone girls threaten you for some independency. So go home to beat your wife or girlfriend or whatever and in an act of rage or revenge I pray to god that she'll hack off your cock. So when your on the floor crying like a bitch wondering what life would be like dickless, she'll whip out a lighter and smoke it! (spits) …bitch.  
Silverwing and SnyperKat: ….. (jaw on floor)

Blade-Zero: Chocolate covered raisins…? Glossettes! I BLOODY LOVE THOSE! If I could, I would marry the guy or girl that invented them so I can have a life time supply of them!

Neko Ribbon-chan: WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS IN THE COMPUTER CLASS READING MY STORY? I DON'T WANT TO GET YOU IN TROUBLE! XD I swear to god, some time soon I'm going to look at your profile and you better have a MSN Messenger account or something! XD

Dragoon14455: Thank you Dragoon! I'm glad you like this story so much. I just feel bad that I have to make my fans wait so long…

KawaiiMisha-san: Lazy person.(prods you) SASUKE SIGNING TOXIC! LOL! XD (responds from getting slapped senseless) Ow…! (prods you harder)

Kamikakushi: Kami-san! XD How are you today! (huggies) Ditto to you on MSN Messenger! XD

Snowmane: Hiii! I'm glad you like my fanfic. Come again please.

Count Silverwing: …….. (prods Silverwing) Thanks for the review. (smirk)

Mistress: Hello Mistress! I don't remember seeing you before! I'm glad you added my story to your fav list. (if it's still there, regardless) I hope to hear from you again. It's great to see the same people review the same story. They are starting to become part of my family now.

Anonymous: Another anonymous… well, whoever you are… thank you. Oh yes, another Orochimaru's Mom question. Anyway, don't worry… whoever you are. Everything will make sense in the end of this story.

Azure: YES SIR!

Shedevilz: NEJI! (hugs tattered Neji doll) I love it. Thank you for the review.

Saki-kun: I didn't expect that to happen either. Thanks for the review!

FireDragonBL: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh. I had a feeling you would get upset over the tenten-shino thing going on. (If there really is one… XD) Anyway, we'll see.

M: Thanks for your review M!

Kira-Sama: More or less.

FenrisLupus: Alright. I shall take a godamn cookie!


	16. Chapter 16: Poor Kurenai

Title: Just for the ladies  
Chapter 16: Poor Kurenai  
Written By: BurasMew

BurasMew: OMGZ! It's Canada day!  
Silverwing: Happy birthday you sexy country you!  
SnyperKat: OMFGWTFBBQ/PANDA!  
BurasMew: Well, there isn't really much to say but enjoy! Oooh, also, a friend drew a picture of Mrs. Orochimaru! Go to my bio to get the link! I know you will love it!

I do not own Naruto.

Enjoy!

* * *

Poor Kurenai… Gai and Kakashi have latched on to her royal self and refused to let go until she acknowledged their existence. They've been following her around Konoha all day… even in the bathroom. This resulted to a very painful beating. Ever since she walked out of her house early in the morning they've been following her all this time. Kakashi and Gai made a proposition to her… and she simply refused to participate in anything that had to do with them. Sounds simple enough right? Well, this is Kakashi and Gai we're talking about… and it's… 'that' subject they were dealing with. They were not going to give up so easily. They needed her. They couldn't do this without her.

"Please Kurenai!" Gai pleated. "We just can't do this; you are the perfect person for the job."

"Go away." Kurenai said for the hundredth time that day.

Kakashi tried to reason with her, "But Kurenai-"

She put her hand to his face, "I don't care the slightest about your little classes. I want nothing to do with them."

"But Kurenai…" Kakashi said again.

She raised her voice to try to get her point across. "I said no, Kakashi!"

Kakashi sighed, "Do you want us to go on our knees and beg… because Gai would beg." Gai nodded his head to back up Kakashi statement.

"It's true. I would beg."

Why weren't they listening to her! "Why can't you guys see that I have more important things to do then to get you both out of a tight spot! So what if the topic for your next lesson makes you uncomfortable! Get over it. You're ninjas for goodness sake!"

"Kurenai-"

"No. Because I'm a woman you expect me to know the biology of the menstrual cycle? That I should care about passing down critical information to children?"

"We have books that you can-"

"Let me finish!" Kurenai screamed. "Because I'm a woman I couldn't be embarrassed talking about this type of things to my students! I would feel just as awkward as you would… and here's a big news flash: my students are in the course too!"

"But Kurenai-"

"Don't you dare 'but Kurenai' me!" She screamed. They got her going now. Kurenai was in full bitching mode.

"PLEASE!" Gai fell down on he knees and cried. He would do anything to not teach that class.

"You know we're going to keep on bothering you until you accept…. Plus, do you really want Gai following you around all day on his knees like that?"

Kurenai calmed down and realized that Kakashi was right. They were both two determined little bastards. She rolled her eyes, "Gai, you can get up now."

Gai sniffled a bit then stood up. "I'll go… but you two so owe me!"

* * *

You can imagine a lot of eyebrows raised when it was Kurenai who walked into the classroom instead of Kakashi and Gai.

"K-kurenai-sensei…!" Kiba's eyes widened. Oh god no, what was happening! Kurenai walked front center, put her hands on her hips like she was in charge of the place and looked around to see who she was teaching… great, it was everyone and then some!

"Hello everyone." Kurenai called out. Everybody awkwardly greeted her.

"_What is she doing here?"_ Shino thought. Nothing added up!

After some more whispers were transferred between the students Kurenai finally decided to speak up, "I'm taking over for Kakashi and Gai today and-"

"Like a substitute?" Naruto interrupted.

Kurenai rolled her eyes. "Ya, something like a substitute." Out of force of habit most of the boys crumbled up paper getting ready to make her life a living hell, and when I mean most of the boys I only mean Kiba and Naruto.

"Except I'm the type of substitute you don't want to mess with." She hissed between her teeth and both boys quickly hid their paper. She stared at them a bit to make sure they wouldn't get out of line and then, "Now, since Gai and Kakashi are not going to make it in for today I'm filling in for them."

All the girls gave such a large sigh of relief. They didn't have to worry about being taught by those two again. "So if you all behave I'm willing to let out of here early-"

"Ohmygod!" Sasuke interrupted Kurenai and jumped out of his seat. "Kakashi and Gai are not coming in today at all!"

"Yes, I've been trying to say that for the past five minutes."

Horror suddenly swooped over Sasuke's face.

"What's wrong with you, moron!" Naruto yawned.

"You're the moron!" Sasuke hissed back, "Obviously I'm the only one to realized that we're going to have to stay pregnant for another week!"  
Kiba jumped up from his seat too, "THAT WAS TODAY!"

"It _was_. We were only suppose to walk around like this for a week but I guess Kakashi had something else better to do!"  
The rest of the boys had the same look of horror on their face and screamed just like last time…

"The poor bastards…" The janitor spat in the hall again.

"Oh! This is so great!" Ino wrapped her arms around Sasuke. "I get to take care of Sasuke for another week!"

Sakura wasn't so happy tugging on her hair, "Noo! I'm stuck with Neji for another week!"

More randomness and ranting persist! It was a good thing Gai gave Kurenai the heads up about all the boys being pregnant, so she was rather collective when she saw all the boys jumping up showing their stomachs as they are now. She grabbed the attendance list, "Haruno Sakura..!" She screamed over their voices.

"Here!" Sakura screamed back.

"Rock Lee…!"  
…  
…

The whole class became dead quiet noticing that the green beast of Konoha was absent. "Where's Lee…?"

* * *

You all might be wondering what on earth is Kakashi and Gai could be doing on their time off… well, they are fishing of course. What other way to pass the time then with some manly fishing.

"We just have to do this more often…" Kakashi mumbled almost ready to take a nap.  
Gai was about to agree with him but his pager just came off.

"Ohmygod!" Gai stood up rocking the boat as he read his pager.  
"Sit down Gai-"

"Lee is going through labour…!"

"What…?" Kakashi turned around in shock to see Gai sitting back down trying grabbing the paddles and rowing to shore.

"Lee is going through labour!"

"How can he be going through labour..?"

"I don't know. I just got paged from the hospital. Damnit Kakashi, you're not rowing fast enough!"

So Kakashi and Gai rowed their little hearts out until: "Wait a second, we're ninjas. Why don't we just walk on the water?" Kakashi said.

"It's too late! We've already reached the shore!" And indeed they have! Gai jumped out of the boat and ran to the hospital at high speed, and Kakashi hovered on what little water that was left just because. He caught up to Gai quickly.

* * *

Kurenai attempted to copy the female genitalia by her notes on the chalkboard. It wasn't that bad, but it wasn't that good either. "Okay, here-" She pointed to the board. "-is the vagina."

Kurenai turned to her class to see everybody in shock, "…Aren't you going to copy this down…?"

Everyone, wide-eyed, took out their paper and a pencil and actually did work!

"It is the site of copulation which receives the penis's semen-" She read out loud her notes which Gai and Kakashi gave her.

Naruto fell off his chair but nobody seemed to notice.

"More up is the cervix; you see this narrowing of the uterus right here? Well, this part clogs up to prevent any leaking when pregnant." She turned to the class again, "You're supposed to copy down what I say, class…"

Eventually people snapped out of it and began writing. "So this large space right here is the uterus--this is where the baby grows and lives for 40 weeks. Now," She pointed to skinny tubes that branched out at the top of the diagram, "The ampulla is located in the fallopian tubes and is where the fertilization takes place-"

* * *

"Welcome to Konoha's hospital. How may I assist yo-"  
Gai slammed his fists on the receptionist's desk, "I have a student that's going to have a baby! … well, not really…"

The young lady looked confused for a second. "I don't understand sir. Is she having a baby or not…?"

Kakashi awkwardly scratched the back of his head and took three steps away from them. He didn't want to explain it.

"Well, she is actually a he…"  
Her eyes widened. She looked around to see if there was anyone around to eavesdrop. She leaned over Gai and whispered, "You mean that pregnant young man…? You know him…?"

"Yes, we need to see him right away and-"

"I'm sorry, but I can't do that." She said sitting back down in her chair and got back to past work she was into.

"What!" Gai said. "Why can't we seem him!"

"He's going into-"

"Ohmygod! Lee, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to break your water!" A hysterical Vanessa could be heard in the distance.

"Lee…?"

Gai turned around to see Lee being wheeled away to the x-ray room with Vanessa following him. "Ohmygod, Lee!"

Rock Lee turned his body around to see Gai and Kakashi running after them. "Gai-sensei!" He cried between puffs. "I'm having a baby! It's coming."

"No Lee. You're not having a baby, it's just an illusion." It broke Gai's heart to tell Rock Lee that he wasn't having a baby, since he believed it was the most wonderful moment a person can go through.

"But it feels so real."

* * *

The girls giggled watching Kurenai attempted to draw the male genitalia, and Hinata was having a giggling fit. (I'm sorry, but Hinata is just too damn cute for her own good)  
"It's not that funny…" Naruto said to mostly himself.  
Kurenai turned to the class ready to give her next quick lecture, "Okay, the journey of the semen begins in the somniferous tubules which are located in the testies."

Sakura gave out a little snort. "They are a 800m long tube in each testide where the zoa are made. They then follow this tube going all the way up and around the bladder, and in the seminal vesicle which produces a liquid which nourishes the zoa and then off the prostate gland. This gland produces a liquid which helps the zoa's mobility. It then goes above the cowper's gland, down to the wether and finally out to the urinary meatus…"

She took a deep breath. "Did everybody write that down…?"

There was no response from her students.  
Sora fainted on the floor. "Good, next subject-"

Naruto quickly raised his hand, "And what is it made out of…?"

"What is made out of what?" Kurenai asked.  
"The sperm." Naruto gave a cat like grin before all the girls hit him.

"Ninety percent seminal liquid and ten percent spermatozoon." Kurenai said, "Does that answer your question?"  
Well, that plan exploded in Naruto's face. "Uhh, yes."

And he sat back down. He was hoping to stomp her.

* * *

"Oh Lee…" Gai whimpered.

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee…!"

"Gai-sensei!"

Kakashi rolled his eyes, "Lee, nothing is going to happen. You will feel some more pain for a few hours and then the illusion will disappear. You're just going to get rid of the jutsu before anybody else. That's all it means."

Rock Lee stopped his passionate conversation with his teacher, "So, the only way to stop the illusion is go through the pain of childbirth-"

"And the joy Lee! Don't forget the joy!" Gai screamed in a passionate fury.

"Either that or we release the jutsu. Which was what we were planning to do. But no, you decide to get your water broken…"

"I didn't plan it!" Rock Lee screamed.

"I'm so sorryyy!" Vanessa apologized again.

* * *

"During day 1-5 is called the menstruation phase. It's when you lost the endoemtrium-the uterine mucosa lining in the cervix- and your estrogen and progesterone levels go down. The Pitvitary glands produce more FSH and LH. During days 6-13 is the proiferative phase. The estrogen activates endomentrium which enlarges to allow semen to enter better. The FSH and LH rise during day 12, and the follicle get ready on the surface of the ovary. On day 14 is ovulation. The secertory phase is during day 15-25 which the corpus luteum produces progesterone. And last is the premenstrual secretary phase. The estrogen and progesterone levels go down and no more blood vessels are fed. The FSH and LH levels start coming back to normal. The blood vessels then burst starting a new cycle… so everything starts all over again and it's a real bitch too..."

* * *

"So, you are basically telling me that I'm not really having a baby and nothing is going to 'pop' out of my stomach or… there… right?" Lee's eyes twitched and had a look of concern painted all over his face.

"Yes." Kakashi said.

"Technically I can stay home and just wait it out…"

"Technically… yes."

"Are you a relative of the boy about to give birth…?" A nurse asked appearing behind the group. The man pushing Rock Lee's chair handed him over a clipboard with a bunch of information that nobody would understand.

"What? No, I'm just a ninja… teaching temporarily as a sex ed. teacher." Kakashi winced.

"I'm sorry, but then you can't go any further and will have to wait outside these doors."  
And before they knew it Lee was pushed threw the swinging doors, but before we completely lost site of the young green beast he screamed at the top of his lungs, "THEN GET THESE CRAZY BASTARDS TO STOP THE OPERATION!"

Then the door shut closed. "Wow I can't believe that." Kakashi said.  
Gai just whimpered biting his lip, "Y-ya."

He faced Gai, "That they asked _me_ if I was a relative of Lee and not you."

* * *

Before Kurenai knew it the bell rang. "Wow, the class is over already…?" She gasped looking at the clock. "Well, I guess you may all go now-"

But the class didn't move. They were too shocked to do anything at all.

"_Ohmygod…"_ Shikamaru thought, dropping his pencil and looking down at his notes. Not only did he actually did work in a classroom… but they actually learned something! They actually learned something!

Sakura looked down at her notes, everything seemed to be on order. That was the first time Sakura remembered being here since the beginning that she actually used her pencil. She actually learned something. Life no longer made sense.

Shino was the first to stand up. He did it slowly. The whole class went by so fast it felt like a dream.  
Chouji slapped his partner gently to wake him up, "Sora, the class is over…"  
Ino who sat beside Tenten gaveher aweird look, Tenten gave one right back. Then there mouthscurved into smiles and they hid back their laugher. They had no idea what was so funny but it just hit them like a tonne of bricks.  
Slowly everybody got up to leave the class and to move on with their lives until Naruto was the last one in the class, "Wait a second…" Naruto said, "What the hell is a spermatozoon?"

* * *

Rock Lee was exhausted but has a smile of victory and triumph over his face. He looked over all the babies in the nursery. It was late at night and they were all drifting off the sleep. His eyes shifted over to the left.  
_His child._

Finding the energy he raised his arm and waved at the carriage.

"Helllooo." He cooed. Lee's smile grew. It was all worth it…

Suddenly the lights went off in the nursery. Lee rubbed his eyes and looked around. There were no nurses inside to turn off any lights. Come to think of it… the entire hall was empty. Lee's eye narrowed in suspension and out of the blue a door in the back of the nursery and a mysterious figure in black came in. "What the…?"  
Suspicious music was playing out of nowhere as the figure walked towards a crib and picked up a tiny figure in its hands.  
Rock Lee put his hand over his heart and another on the window. "My baby…" He gasped.  
The dark figure turned towards the direction of the door and walked towards it.  
"My baby!" Lee cried out in distress watching the figure slowly walk away. "My baby!" Rock Lee screamed banging his fists on the window. "Where are you taking my baby? My baby! Where are you taking my baby!"  
Rock Lee continued to bang on the window watching the figure walk off with his baby, making no real attempt to save it.

"_What the hell is he talking about?"_ Neji thought carrying Rock Lee's 'baby' out of the nursery… which was actually a watermelon.

* * *

"Well, I'm glad that we got that out of the way…" Gai said to himself then when he looked at his house he instantly felt like crying again.  
He forgot to clean it up. It was getting late, and the sun was setting down, "I'll do it first thing tomorrow." Gai sighed and walked up to his door.  
Before him was a paper brown bag which instantly caught on fire when he stepped on his porch. The fire seal burned up on the back. "I can't believe some people. Throwing tomatoes and eggs at my house and then putting fire seals on brown papers bags on my porch. Do they want to burn my house down…? I better put it out…"  
So Gai lifted up his foot ready to suffocate the fire…

* * *

BurasMew: Wow, I think that is the quickest I ever wrote a chapter. Good for me. (dances) However, because of that I don't think it was that funny… oh well. I promise the next four are pure gold. Also, I went through a good more then half of my sex ed notes… which it good… damn shame that I failed the class. The diagrams made my head spin…. O.0  
Silverwing: Zomg, pie.  
SnyperKat: sniffle Poor Lee…  
BurasMew: Also, no, Rock Lee didn't give birth to a watermelon. I sincerely saw that scene years ago on one of my mom's soaps. The woman was banging on the window when some guy took her baby… and she was banging on the window screaming, "My baby! Where are you taking my baby! Help! Somebody! Somebody is taking my baby!"  
It was so stupid…  
So, Rock Lee was just tired from all the pain that he went through and I dunno… believed he had a baby. You guys are really over thinking this. I just added that in because I thought it was funny. It's not like I'm going to mention it again.

Name of chapter 17: **Poor Tenten**

Random paragraph/sentence from Chapter 17 to make you come back:

**"For the last time! I was trying it on for Hanabi" Neji screamed at the top of his lungs at his fellow classmates. How on earth did they get a picture of _that_!  
**

And now for the thank you list of my reviewers:

You don't need to know: Thanks for your review! I'll think about what you said!

HatakeKakashi22: Oh, I'm so glad you like it. Well, when you do continue you reading here's is another chapter for you to read.

Sabaku no Josh-kun: Thank you for your review. Ah, another Poor Orochimaru fan… you also are a fan of the evil Mrs. Orochi dare I ask?

Blackrose1179: There's another spinoff of that paragraph in Poor Gai. (doesn't remember what chapter number it was) Uh, Sex ed is short for sex education class.

SnyperKat: I'll try to remember that there is no I in team, nor in jutsu.

Missing-Nin Iori: Oh wow. You mean you're going to read it again? Well, I didn't get your more critique-ish one yet so when you have time here's a bonus of another chapter. I look forward to reading it.

L4zyl4dy: Yes, yes it is. Oh yes, I enjoyed the watermelon part too. I'm thinking as I'm writing that scene "wow, this is getting hot!" then I ruin it with watermelons.

Kakashiclone1120: Now, when I first read your review I thought it was another flame. But in the end I needed a cigar after reading it because it was so damn sexy! I'm like: holy crap, I don't need a cigarette, I need a cigar! But, no, I don't smoke. (it's bad for your soul… like sex) But I was just using it as a expression.

Shedevilz: Heeeh! Don't worry! I have the next chapter! It's up! Please don't hurt me!

Ben: Lol. That is a different review….

Loveable-M: Yays. Thanks for your review.

Cheshire Cat in My Grave: Oh my. You are a hyper little one, aren't you? (pokes your fourhead)

Saki-kun: Aaaw, I luv Chouji… but not as much as Chouji loves pie.

FireDragonBL: Don't worry! It's not like it's an official couple in my story! Don't worry. I'll think of something…


	17. Chapter 17: Poor Tenten

Title: Just For The Ladies   
Chapter 17: Poor Tenten   
Written By: BurasMew

BurasMew: I blame the government…  
Silverwing: and your mom.

SnyperKat: Like your mom!  
All: Ohhhhh!  
Random People: Losers…

BurasMew: (cough) Hello everybody! Tis B.M. I'm sorry for the long wait, in the end I discovered that I failed my math exam so I had to re-take it… it was too late for me to sign up for summer school so I had to study at home, thus I couldn't continue writing the adventures of Kakashi teaching Sex Education. Anyway, I just took my exam a few days ago. Wish me luck! (Crosses fingers, knocks on wood.)  
(two months later)  
Good news! I passed the test! (dances) Anyway, wow, two months… sorry for the longer wait guys… I have no one to blame but Bob… and the government. Oh, and also, how could I forget: the link to Miss Orochi is up now… so go see it… (blinks)

Silverwing: Hold me close and call me ginger…  
SnyperKat: Ginger, Ginger, Ginger.  
Random People: …

* * *

Poor Tenten… she isn't an important enough character to have a last name, and she's also briskly unaware of Shino's plan. Muahahahaha. She is one of the originals to join the sex ed. class before it became almost flooded with the cell teams. You would think that would make her hard core, which shows she had to deal with all this bull since the beginning and then some. She forced herself to get up from the safety and warmth of her bed and practically dragged herself to the academy every Friday… and for goodness sakes, it was a Friday! Did they really have to schedule it every Friday!

She woke up from the stinging sound of her alarm clock and with pure instinct she bashed the shit out of it. After a few moments of staring at her wall across the room, she turned to the calendar to see what day it was. "I don't want to goooo…" She whined and put her pillow over her head.

After some great will power she got out of her bed, and dragged herself there... the place she thought she would never need to see again. She cried in her mind; she was early. Not that she would be ever be caught dead being the first one.

_Hell no…_

It's just that today she had no choice. "You needed to see me Gai-sensei?" Tenten said boldly, opening the classroom door.

"Tenten!" Gai called out cheerfully and with great passion and pep that he always seems to have. He turned around to face his student. "You're just the person I wanted to see."

"You asked me yesterday to come early." Tenten gave out a yawn.

"That's because I have a special mission for you Tenten!"

_"Oh no…" _Tenten thought. _"What does he want now…!"  
_  
"I have a mission for you that is so great! It will challenge your youthful passion in such a gallant manor that-"

"Gai-sensei!" Tenten interrupted him before he could couldn't be stopped. "You don't need get on with the monologues… just tell me what it is."

"Oh…" Gai paused looking a little disappointed that he didn't get to give his heartfelt speech he wrote last night which took hours upon end to write, but he quickly got over it and got straight to the point. "I need you to organize the order of slides in the projector for today's lesson."

Tenten gave him a blank stare. "…What?" She said in disbelief.

"We're using the slide projector for our lesson today…"

"…What?"

"We're using the-"

"No, I heard what you said. I mean… why are you asking me…?"

"Why…?" Gai said in shock…. He never expected Tenten to revolt against him and ask questions so quickly. He scratched the back of his head and said, "…I assumed you didn't have anything else better to do…?"

"What the hell! What on earth makes you think I want to do this! You're the teacher! You're the one who plans the lessons and make sure they're carried out right. I don't have to do this! As a matter of fact, I wont! I'm sorry but I'm not doing your work for you no matter what!"

"I hate you." Tenten mumbled when she got a little push into the storage room. Gai turned on the lights behind her.

"Class starts in about two hours. Try to finish all the instructions on the sheet that I gave you before then. Bye!" Gai said cheerfully and skipped off like a fairy in the distance… tutu and all. Left her before she could comment more on how much she detested him right now.

"I can't believe this…" Tenten mumbled. How did she let him walk all over her! Just because she doesn't have a last name she doesn't have anything else better to do with her time. Because she isn't an important character, she doesn't have her own life to live? She can't stand for that! There is no way she's going to let people walk all over her anymore! From that moment on Tenten went under some major character development that we never saw because this part was obviously not in the manga…

Anyway, taking a stand, she will no longer stand in the shadows. She will rise up and smite her enemies! Smite them dead! Make the ones who thought she was nothing think again! You go girl! Show those bastards the power-hungry bitch you really are!

"But… what am I going to do!" Tenten cried in distress. How the hell, can she, Tenten, be able to pull something off so big that would get everyone at once. Suddenly, she stopped pacing around. Her head slowly tilted to the side and looked at the projector. A devil-like smile curled on her face… and ran out of the storage room faster then you can say 'Moof'. MOOF!

* * *

Bob was cleaning as usual. Nothing special there… and Hokage was daydreaming about him, not really getting any work done. He doodled all over his notepad, drawing hearts with arrows through them, with Hokage + Bob the Janitor written everywhere. He was acting so much like a teenage girl full of hormones that it was terrifying! But Bob could not help it… for men and women had always loved Paris- No, wait, I mean Bob. But Bob, being the clueless innocent thing that he is never really notices all the little hints that people give him when they fall for his charm.

"Hokage-sama!" One of the random ninjas yelled trying to get his attention. "What is wrong with you! You've been acting out of it for a few weeks now!"

The Hokage blinked and snapped out of it. "Oh sorry." He said. "What's going on now..?"

The random ninja sighed… if we could, we would name him Bob. However we can't do that because we already have a character named Bob, so we shall name him... Harris. "We need you to look over this mission! You have been avoiding every possible assignment lately like the plague! We are at an economic standstill! Damn it Hokage, Konoha needs you!" Said Harris.

"But I need Bob!" The Hokage cried out in frustration.

"…What?" Said Harris.

"Oh never mind." The old but powerful man stood up from his chair, "I'm going for a walk." Hokage passed Harris without looking back. The random ninja just stood there comfuzzled as hell. Harris looked around the room and saw Bob mopping the floor… turned to the door that the Hokage just left at, back to Bob… back to the door, then on the Hokage's desk where a Twinkie wrapper was crumpled upon it.

Suddenly the laws of the universe made sense, "Oh… mah… gawds." Said Harris.

This Hokage and Harris moment was brought to you by Kodak.

* * *

"Today is going to be a long day…" Shikamaru said to no one in particular. He could tell these sorts of things… today is going to draaaaaaaaaaag. Rock Lee sat beside Shikamaru as usual, looked at his stomach and sighed with relief. The nightmare was finally over. Lee was special… he got free from the jutsu earlier then everyone else. The suckers… after Kurenai's rather… um, detailed lesson the boys got up from their seats and hunted Kakashi and Gai down like the damn animals… well, as best as they could hunt being pregnant and all…

It took them two days of searching until Shino found them hiding in a bathroom stall playing checkers to pass the time.

A few hours passed and class started… as a matter of fact it was more like being put on hold. Gai and Kakashi were still nowhere to be found.

"Kakashi-sensei is late again…" Sakura mumbled playing with her bangs to pass the time; Ino could only grunt in agreement.

Not so long ago another fight broke out between them again to see who was worthy of sitting next to Sasuke. In some weird way they somehow ended up sitting next to each other. Suddenly they both turned their heads to the opening door.

Gai and Kakashi walked into the classroom with Tenten.

"Where were you Tenten! We couldn't start the lesson without the projector." Gai scolded his student.

Tenten just gave a sheepish smile and shrugged her shoulders, pulling the projector in front of her.

"What took you so long!" Naruto yelled over the fact that they were late to start the class again.

"Tenten ran off with the projector which is critical for today's lesson."

"Huh?" Naruto was lost, giving a clueless look on face.

Kakashi turned to Naruto and explained, "We're going to show you the affects of STDs today-"

"Yosh!" Gai screamed in a fiery fury. "Not so long ago when the mothers learned that Kakashi was teaching sex ed., they went to the Hokage and complained, but they made a deal with him that if we scare you off and show you the dark and evil side of sex we could still teach. Whooooooooo…." Gai flickered the lights on and off imitating a ghost and waving his fingers around with his other hand. The girls just gave Gai a look that just screamed 'I am like, so not impressed girlfriend.' "Um… yes, Kakashi, would you like to control the projector…?"

Kakashi stopped reading his book that he just opened and thought about it. During the entire time doing this whole 'teaching sex ed. thing' started he really didn't do much. If someone would ask him what he did teaching sex .ed he would say, 'not much', but now, he would be able to say with pride that he pushed a button. "You know what… I think I will." With that he put down his book and walked up to the old machine, and when Gai turned the light off for the billionth time today Kakashi switched it on and pressed the button…

"…"

"…"

"Gai," Kakashi called out. "What are we looking at?"

"Oh! Umm-" Gai took out a folded piece of paper and opened it, "This is… the aids virus attacking a white blood cell… look at its evil spiky orbness… ohhhhhhhhhhh!"

"Gai, stop flickering the lights!" Kakashi said as Gai attempted to scare the children a second time.

"This isn't scary or gross." Naruto mumbled. It looked like something out of a sci-fi movie.

"Don't worry Naruto, they get a lot worse..." Gai warned and looked back down at his notes. "Next is an external view of herpies..." but instead of hearing squeals of horror or people saying 'Oh, that is nasty' he heard an explosion of laughter. "What the-?" Gai turned to the screen to see what everyone was laughing about. "Ohmygod!" Gai screamed, as he saw an old image of himself with a huge afro, from when he was experimenting with different hair styles.

_"Hmm… I remember that phase." _Kakashi thought, and after deciding to save Gai some dignity, he pressed the button for the next image. Tenten's smirk just grew bigger.

"Ohmygod! That was the most funniest thing I ever saw!" Naruto laughed but it soon died when on the wall he saw a picture of himself sleeping on the toilet. "What!" Naruto blushed in frustration as the entire class laughed at him. _"Nooo, the girls are laughing at me!"_ Naruto thought. "Kakashi, you bastard! You did this on purpose!" He pointed his finger at his teacher.

"I did no such thing." Kakashi yawned and pushed the button again. He was confused about what on earth just happened but it was funny so he wasn't saying anything.

Sadly for Sasuke, as he tried to scream at the top of his lungs at Kakashi to change the image, it was only drowned out by screaming girls in excitement. _"Some pervert is taking pictures of me at my window!"_ Sasuke jumped over his desk and tried to get the button presser thingy out of Kakashi's hand so the class wouldn't have to see the image of him getting undressed (Calm down ladies, you don't see anything. > ). Naruto just laughed at Sasuke's misfortune and when he finally got a hold of the small item he pressed the button as quick as he could. _"What the hell was that!" _Sasuke hissed in his mind trying to drown out the squealing.

_"Holy crap where are the napkins..!" _Sakura and Ino thought trying to hide the fact that they still had a nose bleed. Shame on them.

"Kakashi, it's obvious that the lesson has been tampered with. Let's find the old images so we can teach the children the evils of STDs… wait! Ohmygod! Somebody or someone is trying to stop the children from learning the dangers of the facts of life! It's a CONSPIRACY!" Gai cried out in a panic and pulled out the sacred hat to ask what conscientious actions he should take.

"Calm down Gai." Kakashi said. "It's not a conspiracy. Stop it with those and your theory of Asuma having a porn star past. So put the hat away, I wanna know what's next." And with that he pressed the button again, and thus continued the horrible torture of all students being captured on image doing embarrassing that. Ahh, look now. It's Shino sleeping with a bug shaped stuffy.

"It's a lie and you know it!" Shino stood up from his seat in an uproar, then he stopped and counted with his hands the amount of times now he acted out of character. _".. Seven. Fuck!"_ Shino thought, ignoring the giggles from the girls and the rest of the boys giving him weird looks. This class was making everyone act out of character! Shinto was sure of it now… he was going crazy.

Along with that, we saw an image of Chouji working out to a Richards Simmons tape and following that was a picture of Shikamaru in a bubblebath with curlers in his hair, reading a Harlequin... there were crickets heard in the back. Naruto squinted his eyes like he always does and asked mostly to himself, "What's a Harlequin..?" Shikamaru didn't really care about his picture. It just showed that he was more literate, that's all… then he went back to sleep.

"Nice." Kakashi mumbled and pressed the button and saw an image of Kiba merely walking on the street. Nothing too interesting there... Kakashi pressed the button again, and it was the same image.. except that Kiba was looking down at something. The button was clicked again and whatever he was looking at, had come into view: a kitten! In the next slide Kiba was seen reaching his hand down with a menacing expression on his face. "Ohmygod, he's gonna kill it!" Gai screamed in horror. Kakashi yawned again and pressed the button, as everyone braced themselves for a horrible bloody massacre of a poor defenseless kitten... but instead they were met with the sight of Kiba happily cuddling with the kitten.

Instantly Kiba screamed in pain as Akamaru bit him for all he's worth. "Akamaru! I have no idea who that cat is! It never happened! Come back!" He cried out as Akamaru jumped out of his jacket and ran out the door. He followed him but before leaving he turned to the class. "Whoever did this… I'll find you and make you pay… and it will hurt."

Kakashi, without any remorse about how people were getting embarrassed, pressed the button again.

"The Children!" Gai cried in the corner hugging the hat… and then after a few embarrassing clips from more people; We saw Kurenai drunk out of her mind and pinching some random ninja's butt at a bar (and no, it wasn't Harris), Gai and Kakashi playing Twister, a picture of Hinata bowing at a little Naruto shrine in her closet. Seeing this Hinata blushed like mad and denied everything, and giving that not much thought (much to Hinata's relief), we then see Naruto bowing at a Ramen shrine in his closet which he didn't deny at all, and then there was a dead silence with what we saw next. It was Neji… at the mall… hold a skirt up to his hips.

"…"

"…"

"It was a gift for Hanabi for her birthday!" Neji protested standing up.

"… So you held it to your hips to see if it fit?" Shikamaru asked in the back of the class. It was pure luck that he woke up from his nap in this downfall of Neji.

"It's how the picture was taken it makes it look like that!" Neji was really fuming now…

"Um…" Naruto paused, "Does this mean that you're secretly a cross dresser..?" He asked.

"What!" But before Neji could continue his rant and in some bizarre way would be able to link it to his hatred towards the main house, Kakashi pressed the button.

He raised an eyebrow. It was just a close-up picture of himself. "Huh?" He pressed the button again… it was the same thing. He then pressed the button continually, skipping through the same image, but while clicking he soon saw his fingers at the bottom of the images.. he then clicked a bit faster and noticed that his hands were going for his mask! "Ohmygod!"

Kakashi freaked out, and pressed the button faster so the students couldn't see his face, but all that did was make it look like a motion movie. The class gasped as they were about to see Kakashi's face at last! Kakashi grew more and more panicked when suddenly... the projector exploded due to an overload from Kakashi'd rapid button-pressing. He fainted on the spot, thankful that his face still remained unviewed by the world.

* * *

"Shikamaru!" His father saw him walking out of the ninja academy and when he caught up, he walked him home. "Did you learn anything today?" He asked.

Shikamaru thought of the right words to say until finally: "I know what the AIDS virus looks like."

"Oh good. Kakashi is teaching you what was asked of him." His dad was satisfied with that and didn't ask anymore questions. He could report to the mothers that the deed was done…

"And Neji likes skirts…" Shikamaru mumbled under his breath.

* * *

Now Tenten was the last to step out of the building with a victorious smile on her face, while everyone ahead of her agreed to never mention what they saw again. "Tell that to Akamaru…" Kiba mumbled. Tenten couldn't help but feel like she accomplished something… now after all that angst she had earlier and getting her revenge you must wonder… what on earth was going on in her mind during that time..?

_"The wonders of Photoshop…" _Tenten thought… and the best part was that nobody pointed a finger at her…

* * *

B.M: Wow! I finally finished! O  
Silverwing: In case you every want to see the updates on the fanfic you can always go on B.M's profile. She updates it quite frequently now so you can see when to expect the next chapter soon.

SnyperKat: I concur!

Name of chapter 17: **Poor Boys**

Random paragraph/sentence from Chapter 17 to make you come back:

**"You mean you know what's been going on with the Hokage for the past few weeks Harris!"**

And now for the thank you list of my reviewers:

Wild-Bite: I know you reviewed chapter thirteen a while ago but I forgot to thank you… which reminds me… OMG!OMG!OMG!OMG! Ohmygod! Wild-Bite read my story! (squeals like a Sasuke fangirl)

L4zyL4dy: Gaa! Still hard to write your name. > Hope you liked this chapter.

Blade-Zero: Hope I answered your question in the e-mail I sent you.

Kakashiclone1120: Omgs! dies I can't believe you. You're just hilarious.

Count Silverwing: SILVERWINNNNNNNG!

Sabaku no Josh-kun: Thanks for your review Josh-kun! X3

PH-Snuffpot: Oh Glue! I will never forget about Glue… she was actually suppose to show up at Poor Eggs but it was taking such a long time for me to write it so I left her out. But I'll put her in the next chapter for you.

Firefly: Yay! (huggies) Thanks for the review! X3

xXxReixXx

X3 Thanks for the review!

Night-Owl123: Once again Night-Owl, you have took the time to read and review my story… since chapter 1! O I appreciate that.

Saki-kun: No no, he didn't have a baby. He was just exhausted and a little tired so he thought he had one… don't worry. He's all better now.

Majah: Cool name. (thumbs up) Haha. Oh yes. Tsunade. I can see people making that mistake too. He hee! Thanks for adding this to your faves! I'll try not to disappoint and update again soon.

FireDragonBL: Yeeeeessssss, sorry so scare you like that Dragon. ''''' Oh poor Lee… I should have named the chapter after him. XD


	18. Chapter 18: Poor Boys

Title: Just For The Ladies   
Chapter 18: Poor Boys   
Written By: BurasMew

BurasMew: Good news folks! I just have to write up two more chapters and then I'm finished Just For The Ladies. Now it's just a matter of typing them all up.  
SnyperKat: Horrah!  
Silverwing: Tah Pie.

* * *

Poor boys… that doesn't make much sense does it? But we girls should pity them… or laugh at their sorry asses. Always scratching themselves… thinking nobody's looking but oh, we see. We see it all. Anyway, this part of the story is dedicated to SnyperKat for giving me this great idea. XD

"Wait… I don't understand this." Kakashi said again seeing another bus behind Gai and the bus driver looking suspiciously like the last one when they went on the fieldtrip at the hospital. "Why are we going on another field trip?"

"Don't worry Kakashi." Gai said flashing his shiny teeth at him, "I was looking through the old lesson plans and discovered that this course is supposed to have a bit of Moral Ed. in the teachings as well! This will help them build character in the best of ways! That is why we will go-"

"Gai… they're ninjas. They don't need to learn how to go-"

"-Camping!" Gai yelled out with such spunk! NAR! … com … in the brown… like your mom… Sasuke eats babies.

"No, Gai. We shouldn't do this again. What about the parents-"

"Don't worry. I already went ahead to each parent's house this morning for them to sign the permission forms."

"But-"

"Oh Kakashi, stop being such a bitch and hop on the magic school bus!"

* * *

Harris, the random ninja, has finally gathered a good handful of ninjas together so he could share with them what he has learned not so long ago.

"What is the meaning of bringing us here Harris!" Another random ninja said.

"Guys…" He took a deep breath before continuing. "I know what has been going on with the Hokage." All the ninjas gasped.

"You mean you know what's been making him act so strange lately?"

Harris bit his knuckle, having second thoughts about this. "Well…" All the ninjas leaned closer towards Harris with wide eyes. "Hokage-sama is in love."

This caused some shock around the group. "In love!" One of them asked.

"What, that explains the daydreaming and such… do you know who he's in love with…?"

Harris then stalled for a little longer worried of what his fellow jounin ninjas would think. "He's in love with Bob."

"… Who?"

"Bob… the janitor."

"Oh, you mean that small little guy who cleans up the place?"

"Yeeeeeeeeeees." He said squinting his eyes slightly disturbed

A kunoichi jumped up and down and clapped her hands in delight. "Ooooh, he's such a pocket pal! I just want to put him in my pocket and take him with me everywhere."

"So what are we going to do about it..?"

"I really don't know." Harris sighed.

* * *

"Alright, I'm going camping!" Naruto cheered with a sleeping bag in one arm.

"Speak for yourself." Sasuke said walking in front of him.

"You don't like camping Sasuke?"

Sasuke didn't like many things, however, "Not as much as Neji anyway."

Now Neji, as you could say, looked like he had a cloud over his head… not a happy camper. (haaa, funny pun.)

After everyone gathered up and hopped on the bus, there was laughing, excitement, swearing, throwing things, threatening (mostly by Neji), all the way during the bus ride… or the magic school bus as Gai called it. Now, you being a kid who rides the bus everyday understand that this is no big thing. You've seen it all before. Sadly Kakashi and Gai were not enjoying getting paper balls thrown at their heads.

"I claim war on the left side of the bus!" Kiba stood up from his seat with a crumpled paper ball in his hand.

Hinata, sitting beside Kiba, began to look worried, "Kiba, please sit down. You might get hurt." But it was too late as the bus went over a huge bump and Kiba tumbled forward and landed upside down in the seat in front of them.

Jen and Vanessa looked down at the un-expecting Kiba landing in their set. "Hello Kiba." They smiled.

Kakashi tried to drown out the screaming and excitement by sinking lower and reading his book, and Gai stood in the aisle, trying to tell everyone to sit and quiet down… but we all know that's not going to happen.

After an hour or so of pure bliss, the bus came to a stop. Shikamaru then pointed something out, "You know... I don't see why we have to drive an hour out to the woods when we have miles of forest in Konoha!"

"I'm going to ignore you said that." Kakashi said, and got out of the bus… and was surprised at Anko and Kurenai waiting for them.

Anko snorted in a Kleenex.

"… Still sick, Anko?" Kakashi asked.

"Shut up." She mumbled still looking like hell.

"What are you doing here?" Kakashi asked and everyone began exiting the bus.

Kurenai turned to the children. "We're taking the girls."

"You're what?" Kakashi raised an eyebrow.

Anko gave another sneeze, "Hokage-sama got another complaint from the parents-mostly mothers, worried about the camping sleeping arrangements. They're not very fond of the mixing."

"They're not going to be sleeping in the same tents." Kakashi explained.

"Anko-chan!" Gai squealed and embraced Anko with open arms and such…

"Get off of me!" Anko yelled trying to wrestle him off.

Kurenai rolled her eyes while that was going on and continued talking to Kakashi, "What will stop then after you two fall asleep."

"We won't fall asleep then."

"The parents still don't want to take that chance. So the Hokage brought us to take the girls to the other side of the forest and set up camp there."

Kakashi shrugged. "Fine, take them." Who was he to fight the orders from the Hokage?

Anko finally was able to flip Gai on the ground. "Girls!" She screamed after attempting to do so. All the girls jumped a bit after hearing her intimidating voice. "Pick up your bags; you're coming with Kurenai and me." And before anyone would question what was going on, they picked up their things and quickly followed behind the two kunoichis.

"Where are they going?" Naruto raised an eyebrow in confusion.

Kakashi waved it off, "It doesn't matter. We'll see them tomorrow. Let's get this over with." He walked the opposite direction that the girls were going in and passed Gai who was still on the ground. He was convincing himself that Anko's act of violence was just a sign of affection.

"Yes... that must be it." Gai said to himself.

* * *

After a half an hour of walking, the boys came into a small clearing. "Alright. This looks good." Kakashi stopped, "You can set up your tents." He then went under a tree and continued to read his book.

"Can't he ever put the book down for just a minute..?" Naruto called out, "You're not going to help us Kakashi-sensei?"

"Forget it Naruto. He's in his own little world. He can't hear you." Sasuke sighed, dropping all his things on the ground.

"Yosh!" Gai shouted and grabbed Lee by the shoulders, "Lee, now is your chance to prove you're the best by making your tent the fastest!"

"Yes Gai-sensei! I won't let you down!" Lee cried, and immediately got to work. Sooner or later everyone followed, making their own tents.

"I'm done!" Lee cried out victoriously two minutes later only to see it crumple apart in seconds. "Awww." He sighed and tried again.

"How hard could it be..?" Naruto shrugged throwing away the instructions he held in his hands and picked up two random poles and stick them together. "I'm brilliant." He said.

"Keep telling yourself that Naruto." Sasuke said not so far away.

Naruto's pride got insulted by Sasuke. Nothing new. He gave Sasuke the finger. Booya Grandma… Speaking of Booya, who thinks Ron Stoppable, is dead sexy! I do. He has that whole… Ron factor… You know who has a Ron factor! Rock Lee. Oh ya. Gigidi.

… Wow, I really talked about nothing this time… A show... a show about nothing…. Hmmm, Seinfeld. (smacks self.)

* * *

"Are you guys finished making your tents yet..? It's been over an hour." Kakashi looked up from his book to see how everything was doing.

"Go away!" Naruto screamed trying not to catch attention to the fact that he's all tangled up in a mess that he calls a tent.

_"It could be better."_ Sasuke sighed looking at his little attempt to make a tent. _"…I just wished I had the instructions."_ For Naruto has ripped them to pieces claiming that he didn't need them. "Neji, are you planning on sleeping outside?"

Neji was just sitting there doing nothing, "I tricked Lee into making mine." He said, "He's very easy to subterfuge."

"Yaa, sure." Sasuke walked away being a bit freaked out by Neji's extensive vocabulary.

* * *

Kiba's tent had lots of scratch marks on it. "Hey! Don't turn attention to me all of a sudden!" Kiba yelled in frustration. Wouldn't be good if it was raining tonight…

And lords forbid that Shikamaru would actually do some work and start working on his tent. "The clouds are nice today…" He sighed.

Chouji walked up to Shikamaru and offered to help, "I could help you with your tent if you want." He said.

"That's okay." Shikamaru said and glanced at Chouji's tent. "It can't be any better as it is now."

"It would look better if I had the instructions with me; they just disappeared all of a sudden..." Chouji sighed. After another hour they came to the conclusion that nobody can make a very good tent… except for Shino.

"How come Shino's tent comes out so nice!" Naruto screamed in frustration pointing at Shino.

"Don't get mad at me because I can make a better tent then you." Shino said shuffling down all the instruction sheets deeper into his pockets. _"Excellent…"_ He thought to himself.

"Good job Shino." Kakashi said appearing out of nowhere. "I guess this is the best you guys can attempt to do so we'll stop now."

"We're going to put you in separate group and each group has a certain task to finish before nightfall." Gai said, also appearing out of nowhere.

"So Naruto, Shikamaru and Chouji are collecting the wood." Kakashi said choosing the team randomly.

"What!" Naruto said. He didn't even have a chance to decide who he wanted to go with.

"Kiba, Neji and Sasuke, go and hunt us supper… make sure it's something edible."

Neji's eye twitched; he didn't like the idea being hooked up with Sasuke.

Sasuke grunted; he was stuck with Neji…. Again.

"Alright! Food!" Kiba cheered victoriously. "Ow!" Akamaru bit his ear. He wasn't going to forgive him that easily from last sex ed. class where he saw a picture of Kiba cuddling with a cat. "For the last time Akamaru, it was a fake, I swear!" Kiba cried out.

"And that just leaves Lee and Shino to get the water." Kakashi said.

Shino raised an eyebrow, "Water…?"

"Yes, water." He repeated.

"Why would you send us in the forest in search for water? We have bottles of them on the bus."

Kakashi gave Shino a look which I cannot explain… It's like a cross between dumbfounded and like it's saying 'you're a sarcastic little puke aren't you?'... If you know the word please tell me. "Don't make this complicated. Just do what we tell you."

"So go out to the forest with your fiery youth and seek what you need to find in order to become a man!" Gai cried out in a passionate rage.

_"It's just water…" _Shino thought.

"To manhood!" Lee cried out and grabbed Shino's arm, dragging him into the woods.

_"God, this is pointless."_ Shikamaru thought seeing right through the whole attempt of them trying to build the students self-esteem but knowing that this isn't going to do much.

"So… should we go now?" Naruto turned to Chouji and Shikamaru. Chouji looked to Shikamaru to guidance as usual.

He sighed in annoyance; he didn't like to work. "Let's get this over with."

So off the boys went with great balls of fire in search for manhood or something like that. Gai can sometimes fail to distinguish his message to other people.

* * *

"Wood, wood, where is the wood… Oh, here is a tree full of wood!" Naruto said wandering off with Shikamaru and Chouji not far behind.

"We're only supposed to pick up things from off the ground." Shikamaru called out from behind him.

"Huh?" Naruto twisted his head to the other side, "Why?"

"We can't because Jen and Vanessa would kick us." Shikamaru didn't want to go into detail about how you should only pick wood pieces off the ground instead of purposely snapping off the tree's branches and harming it which is evil and being a jerk… so thus Jen and Vanessa, the Konoha jerk kickers would kick them.

"… I don't understand." Naruto replied.

"Of course you don't understand." Shikamaru sighed. "Just do it so we can get out of here quick." He then plopped down on the ground and began to dose off.

Naruto rolled his eyes; Shikamaru sure can be annoying sometimes. He walked off a bit further looking down on the ground looking for something decent that he can call a log. Out of nowhere, in front of him was a fat raccoon.

"…"

The fat raccoon looked at Naruto with big brown puffy eyes... think Puss In Boots in Shrek 2. _"Awws, it's so cute!" _ Naruto thought and reached out to pet it. The fat raccoon got on its hinge legs and sniffed Naruto's hand and it got closer… and out of nowhere it jumped on Naruto's face and started scratching him.

"Ahhhhhh!" He screamed and started running around in a panic. "Get it off me! Get it ooooff!"

_"He's always out looking for attention..."_ Shikamaru's eyes twitched a little waking up to Naruto's screaming, but paid no attention to it and dosed off again.

"Don't worry Naruto! I'll help you!" Chouji said attempting to catch the hysterical Naruto.

* * *

"Do you smell anything, Akamaru?" Kiba asked.

Akamaru just wined.

"What did he say?" Neji asked, Sasuke just did his cool pose thing in the background, leaning against a tree.

"Unless you're interested in eating squirrels tonight, there isn't anything worth eating."

"Let's keep looking then." Sasuke said.

"Yes, let's." Neji agreed, who didn't use his Byakugan to see if there were any animals around for the next 100 meters 'cause of doctor's orders. He couldn't do any ninja-ish things because he sprained his wrist… why, you ask, does having a sprained wrist mean he can't do anything ninja-ish? Well, you know those commercials where some random product is recommended by 9 out of 10 doctors? Well, Neji's doctor is the stoned jackass who refuses to believe that Colgate Total can really whiten, remove tartar, and strengthen your gums if used constantly, 3 meals a day, in a span of 6 weeks… like, dude, the facts are fucking right in front of you! What the hell man! Neji needs a new doctor… seriously.

Suddenly, the bushes began to rustle, and Sakura and Tenten came running out of them. "Sasuke-kun!" Sakura squealed.

"Damn…" Sasuke grunted, being embarrassed by Sakura's embrace.

Neji ignored them and turned to Tenten. "What are you doing here?"

"Anko and Kurenai told us to do whatever 'til supper so we're just walking around."

"What a great coincidence to have walked towards you." Sakura said before getting gently pushed away from Sasuke.

* * *

"Rock Lee, calm down, you are going to split us up and you'll get lost."

"I won't get lost!" Lee cried out passionately.

"I have the map." Shino said holding up the mad. "Now there should be a stream over here." Shino said, going deeper into the bushes.

"Gai-sensei!" Lee cried out pointlessly again, "I'll get the water and make you so proud of me!" He then jumped over the bush to catch up with Shino but instead of ground he jumped into water.  
:SPLASH:

And Shino blinked after seeing it all happening. "Lee, when I said the stream was near I really meant it."

* * *

"God, that took a while." Naruto said panting and clenching his heart.

"You're probably going to need shots." Chouji said.

Whisker boy winced, "Really?"

"Ya, the raccoon might have rabies or something." Chouji said after the raccoon spectacle gave Naruto quite a shock, and a few scratch marks here and there.

"I'm going to kill that raccoon when I find it. I'm going to kill it, then eat it!" 0 Naruto mumbled under his breath. He was royally pissed over that fact that he, future hokage, let a raccoon get the best of him. He was trying to hide the fact that he was embarrassed. "Sasuke would have a field day if he found out about this. Guys, don't tell-" Naruto stopped mid-sentence noticing that he was alone. "Shikamaru…?"

Naruto heard a stick snapped behind him. He quickly turned around. "Chouji…!"

Then the raccoon that attacked him earlier dropped from the trees a few feet in front of him. "Ahh!" Naruto gave out a girly scream and took a step back with caution. He turned around and ran as quickly as he could and bashed right into Tenten who came out of nowhere.

"Ow!" Tenten and Naruto both fell to the ground. "What the-Naruto-" Tenten looked up to see Naruto in hysterics.

"Run for you life! There is a rabies infected raccoon after me and it's just a matter of time before he gets you!"

"The fuck!" Tenten freaked out as Naruto showed her his scratch marks. He then grabbed Tenten's hand and pulled her up and the both ran in the horizon trying to run away from the rabid raccoon… that was actually just cleaning himself miles away… forgetting all about Naruto.

* * *

"Shikamaru, how can you be so cruel?" Chouji asked who was in the tree with Shikamaru.

Shikamaru was the one who dropped the raccoon in front of Naruto. He sighed, "Come on, let's go back to the camp." He said starting to climb down the tree.

* * *

"Lee, for the last time, please put some clothes on." Shino said surprising in a calming voice, squinting his eyes from the site in front of him.

"I have realized that for one to be one with the forest and return to nature, one must get rid of all their worldly possessions. I'm sorry Shino!" Lee said in all his naked glory. You must be thinking, what the hell are you smoking! Well, after Shino watched Lee crawl out of the stream they started walking in a random direction and started talking about omelets, somehow (only god knows how) the conversation escalated into Lee discovering his new passion to return back to nature.

Shino was holding his clothes with him hoping that sometime soon he could change his mind. "At least put on some underwear." He suggested.

"Sorry Shino. No underwear either."

"Lee!" Shino raised his voice a bit. "You better get over this phase before we get back to the camp or else I'm going to choke a bitch!" And by choking a bitch, he meant Lee. Now how many times now have Shino acted out of character…? Hell, how many times has everyone acted out of character? This fanfic is pure crack… continue.

"I don't think we'll be returning to the camp anytime soon."

"What makes you say that?" Shino asked.

"We've been walking around in random direction talking for two hours… oh, and that raccoon just ate the map." Lee pointed to a raccoon that ran off with shredded pieces of paper.

"So… you're telling me we're lost."

"Yes."

Shino took a deep breath, and came out a word drenched with so much sarcasm, any sarcastic radar machine within a 100 mile radius would explode from overload, like that episode from The Simpsons. "…Great."

That's when Ino walked in.

* * *

Kakashi and Gai were fishing again just enjoying life and participating in the manly sport known as fishing. Shh! Shh! Yes, it is a sport, STFU. "It sure is great to make the genin run around and do everything for us."

Kakashi looked up to the sky, according to the sun it was about three in the afternoon. Don't ask why he didn't just look down at his watch. "Everybody should be done collecting everything soon. He should get back to the camp soon."

"Keyword… should." Gai said.

"Yes, we should… but we won't."

* * *

"Where are all the animals!" Kiba yelled, grabbing his hair in frustration.

"We've been looking for six hours." Neji said; whose sprained wrist prevented him from using his Byakugan, for retarded reasons.

_"The animals must have a good head start at running away because of Kiba's voice."_ It's a good thing Kiba can't read minds.

"Come on Akamaru! Let's keep searchi-" Kiba looked around. "Akamaru!" It was Kiba's turn to scream like a little girl trying to find his little doggy.

"I wish I thought of that…"

* * *

Naruto was still running like there was no tomorrow, he didn't remember when he got separated from Tenten and frankly, didn't care right now. The only ass he was worried about right now was his own. He then reached a clearing and stopped.

"The camp…"! Whoohoo! I made it!" Naruto gave himself a pat on the back.

"Oy, Naruto."

He turned to where the voice was calling to him to where Shikamaru and Chouji were sitting. "Did you get anymore wood?" Shikamaru asked.

Naruto grind his teeth. "You could have helped me with the raccoon, where the hell were you…!"

"That's okay, I'm sure we have enough wood for tonight." Shikamaru said ignoring Naruto's question, patting the pile of wood beside him.

"Pfff, I'm going to the washroom." Naruto said forgetting about him. He reached the outhouse and locked the door behind him.

When Naruto sat down, an unknown force tilted the outhouse over.

"Aaaah! Oh god!" His voice could be heard outside of the outhouse.

"It's everywhere…! Even in the raccoon wounds!"

* * *

"What was that loud scream?" Rock Lee turned around to face Shino.

He squinted. "That was Ino. I imagined she saw you and ran the other direction as soon as possible."

"Hey! A clearing!" Lee cried out, "Maybe the camp is over there!" Lee then ran ahead of Shino.

"No! I'm not going to let the word see you like this! Put on your pants!" Shino caught up to Lee but it was too late… but it's not like it mattered because it wasn't the camp anyway. "It's just a herd of moose…" Shino signed of relief.

"Aren't they beautiful?" Lee signed.

"No, not really."

"I will follow these moose for many years, and one day they shall accept me as their own." Lee suddenly spurted out.

_"What the hell…?"_ Shino thought looking at Lee.

Question: Has Lee lost it?  
Answer: Yes.

So Lee ran towards his new brethren, feeling quite free and gay, but the moose didn't feel the same way. They felt frightened… and disturbed… so they ran and started a stampeed.

"This isn't good." Shino said seeing a herd of moose coming towards them.

* * *

"I can't believe we've spent all day looking for game and found nothing." Sasuke said.

"Kiba, don't worry about Akamaru. I'm sure he's at the campsite." Neji said to Kiba who was sobbing on the ground. He lost Akamaru's scent quite a while ago. It felt like they were looking for him for hours… and they actually were looking for Akamaru for hours.

"They're expecting you to bring something to eat and it's getting dark. We need to find something and quick."

Suddenly a squirrel jumped in front of their path chewing on a nut. Three of them stopped.

"No." Neji said before Sasuke said anything.

"We have no choice-"

"I'm not having squirrel for supper!"

"It's better then dirt-"

"Akamaruuuuuuuuuuuuuu!" Kiba cried.

"Stop interrupting me!" Sasuke yelled.

So in the end they killed the squirrel and tied up its' little legs and arms to a stick. "Let's go back to camp then."

"Umms." A small voice behind them squeaked.

"Hinata?" Neji said turning around.

"Akamaru!" Kiba cried with joy seeing Akamaru in Hinata's arms. He barked back at him.

"Um, yes. I found Akamaru wandering around and… is… is that a squirrel?"

"Yes, it's supper." Sasuke replied.

Hinata turned white as a… white thing. Be damned if I know.

* * *

Kakashi and Gai were heading back to camp now, and nothing out of the blue really happened… except that he had to help Ino and Sakura get out of a swamp and they were muddy from head to toe… but other then that it was pretty uneventful.

* * *

"Hmm… does anybody hear that?" Chouji said. Sasuke, Neji and Kiba, who just showed up with their one squirrel, shrugged.

"It sounds like a stampeed of moose." Shikamaru said, and suddenly a stampeed of moose ran by, not so far from the camp, with Shino and Rock Lee came running out.

"We made it to the camp!" Lee cried victoriously.

Sasuke squint his eyes. "That's a lot more of Lee then I wanted to see…"

Neji rolled his eyes, how the hell did this end up happening he'll never know. "Lee, put on your clothes."

"I'm sorry Neji. I can't do that."

"Whoa, seriously Lee, put them on." Kiba said.

Shino signed, "He won't listen. I've been trying to clothe him all day."

"Come on, before Kakashi and Gai get back."

"No!"

"Yes!"

So they cornered Lee and fought with him, dust-cloud style. When the cloud finally settled down Lee was fully clothed. "I hate you." Lee whined.

"Did you get everything guys?" Kakashi and Gai showed up with perfect timing.

"We had a situation with the water." Shino said temping himself not to bash Lee in the skull.

"We found a squirrel."

"We have lots of wood however." Chouji said.

Suddenly, Gai looked up feeling a drip on his forehead… then is started to rain. "Hmm, not a cloud in the sky this afternoon." Then the thunder and lighting came, forcing everybody to go to their tents without supper, but around fifteen minutes later everybody's tent fell down... except for Shino's of course.

"To Shino's tent!"

"Shino let us in your tent!" He then unzipped the zipper.

"Why would I let you guys in! All you did for me-"

"Oh just push his ass down." And so they did and crammed together in Shino's tent for the night.

* * *

BurasMew: … Dear lord I really want to get this fanfic out of the way… two years…! That's really too long.  
Silverwing: I concur.  
BurasMew: And 229 reviews! Omg, I just need one more to make it a magic number… I love things even.  
SnyperKat: And since added a new tool to e-mail our comments about your review directly, we won't have much of a thank you list to give to you… considering that BurasMew has already given you guys her two since on your reviews by e-amil… So the only one who didn't sign in is xXxReixXx… and here's BurasMew's comment to your review!

xXxReixXx: Sorry about not seeing Kakashi's true face. Maybe next time. :D

Time for sneak preview:

Name of chapter 19: **Poor Girls**

Random paragraph/sentence from Chapter 19 to make you come back:

**"I told you this job would be great if it weren't for the customers." **


	19. Chapter 19: Poor Girls

Title: Just For The Ladies

Chapter 19: Poor Girls

Written By: BurasMew

BurasMew: Must… finish… fanfiction…  
Silverwing: Word.  
SnyperKat: OMGZ! IS THAT PIE! (runs off)  
BurasMew: It's highly suggested if you haven't read chapter 18 in a long time re-read it… cause then this chapter will be a bit confuzzling.

Poor Girls… out in the middle of nowhere being in the clutches in Kurenai and Anko… well, Kurenai isn't that bad. It's Anko who's the crazy hyper one… but she's sick at the moment so in the end it's not really that bad. But still, poor girls. They've been carrying their tents for miles and their arms were getting tired, not to mention their backs were killing them carrying all their equipment. Those backpacks were huge… like Conan huge. But the good news is that I highly doubt that one of them is going to discover their inner selves and want to return to nature stripping down naked like Lee did… and in the end if one of them does, I ask of you to shoot me. Right between the eyes.

After walking which seemed to last forever, Anko and Kurenai stopped. "This seems to be a nice little spot." Kurenai said, looking a small clearing surrounded by trees.

"I can't complain." Anko said and like many times before, she turned to the girls to give them commands. "We're setting up camp here. Drop your tents and let's put them up."

With a sigh of relief the girls dropped their tents in an instant and took off their Conan Backpacks (c). They got to work right away taking out their instruction sheets and since there was nobody like Naruto running around burning peoples' sheets and Shino stealing them from behind their backs and stuffing them in his pockets the tents came up quickly and neatly.

They could have done a better job, but it didn't have any scratch marks or anything like that on it. So it was adequate.

There was a moment of silence with the girls; not sure what to do next. "Now what do we do?" Sakura asked the jounin.

"Well…" Kurenai thought for a while, "You can all go exploring for a little while I suppose. But we're using the buddy system… Sakura with Tenten… and Hinata with Ino." Again, she made the groups before anyone can decide who they want to be grouped up with.

"Be back by sunset, because we're having beans for supper." Anko said taking out the can o' beans … well think of it this way: beans are a billion times better then a squirrel.

"Al..right then." Tenten said looking at Sakura.

Sakura shrugged. She didn't mind being paired up with Tenten, the girl who has no last name. Anything was better then being hooked up with Ino. She needs a break from that girl. So together they picked a random direction and walked off. Ino and Hinata did the same.

The jounins exchanged silence looking at the ground for a while.

"Want to order pizza?" Kurenai grinned.

Anko coughed.

"We are walking in the forest… this is fun." Sakura said in a monotone voice.

"I wonder how everyone else is doing." Tenten thought.

"Who knows." Sakura said. She just has no idea… and thank god for that. "… Wait a second." She put her arm out in front of Tenten. "Do you hear that?"

"Noo. Hear what?"

"Let's keep looking then." A voice said in the distance.

"Ohmahgawd! It's Sasuke!" Sakura bolted off in the direction where she heard his voice.

"What?" Tenten raised an eyebrow in confusion seeing Sakura dash off like that and quickly ran after her.

And lord and behold, when Sakura jumped out of the bush, there was Sasuke in all his glory. "Sasuke-kun!" Sakura squealed in excitement. Her Sasuke-Sense (c) was sharper then ever.

"Damn…" Sasuke grunted, being embarrassed by Sakura's embrace. 'Where the heck did she come from?' Sasuke thought.

"Hi Neji." Tenten said after catching up with Sakura.

"What are you doing here?" Neji demanded.

"Oh, Anko and Kurenai told us to do whatever 'til supper so we're just walking around."

"What a great coincidence to have walked towards you." Sakura said before getting gently pushed away from Sasuke.

"We're busy right now Sakura. We'll see you later." Sasuke said as the group was still trying to find something decent to eat.

"But we just ran into each other Sasuke, isn't that right Tente-" Sakura turned around and noticed something was a miss…. "Tenten?"

Ino didn't know how it happened, but she lost Hinata… or Hinata lost her. Either way, they were separated when they're supposed to be together. "I was sure she was behind me. Darn, she's just so quiet." She mumbled under her breath. She just looked around, and Hinata was gone!

"And I'm lost too! Damn it!" Ino swore in frustration. She looked around and when she saw the closest, tallest tree she climbed it to the top and looked around trying to find some familiar surroundings. Ino smiled when she saw a clearing in the distance. "The might be the camp." She said to herself and climbed down the tree.

When she reached the clearing, she realized she made a huge mistake. Ino's eyes grew wide with fear and screamed in horror like she never did before. She then turned around and ran and ran and ran, until she tripped and fell in a swamp.

"EW!" She screamed.

"What was that loud scream?" Rock Lee turned around to face Shino.

Shino squinted. "That was Ino. I imagined she saw you in the nude and ran the other direction as soon as possible."

"What is the big deal with Sasuke!" Tenten thought after ditching Sakura. She just wasn't in the mood for the whole fangirl thing. "Sure he's cute, but he's just so moody and quiet." So there was Tenten walking alone in the forest… when Naruto run right into her and both fell on the ground.

"Ow! What the-Naruto-" Tenten looked up to see Naruto in hysterics.

"Run for you life! There is a rabies-infected raccoon after me and it's just a matter of time before he gets you!"

"The fuck!" Tenten freaked out as Naruto showed her his scratch marks. He then grabbed Tenten's hand and pulled her up and the both ran in the horizon trying to run away from the rabid raccoon…

"What's going on!" Tenten yelled.

"I disturbed the beast and now it wants revenge!"

Tenten raised an eyebrow. "What on earth did you do!"

Hinata got separated from Ino. The poor girl, she's just too cute to be in a situation like this. So what's a girl to do? Well, I'll tell you what she did. Our little Hinata has befriended the fuzzy creatures of the forest and they made her their queen. Very very Disney... Lots of song, dance, and themes about family and friendship. The only bad news is all the songs are done by Randy Newman… yyyyes.

So there was Hinata and her fuzzy loyal followers, most of them were squirrels. Anyway, that's when Akamaru jumped out of the bushes. "Akamaru?" The queen of the fuzzy animals got off her log throne thingy and picked him up. "What are you doing here?" She asked while she patted his head. "Did you and Kiba get separated? Come on, let's go find him then."

And that was the end that little story. But before leaving she turned to her subjects she said to them that she will one day return to rule over them unless she can't or has forgotten about them… and she did just that.

So off in the distance, Hinata walked on. Never to return…

More walking took place, until Hinata by pure chance walked in on Sasuke, Neji and Kiba. Just like that… bam. "Umms." Hinata mumbled a bit wondering to call out after them but Neji scared her so she was having second thoughts.

Too bad Neji heard her, "Hinata?" Neji said turning around.

"Akamaru!" Kiba cried with joy seeing Akamaru in Hinata's arms. He barked back at him.

"Um, yes. I found Akamaru and… is… is that a squirrel?"

"Yes, it's supper." Sasuke replied.

Hinata turned white as a ghost.

Sakura laughed and laughed seeing Ino stuck in the swamp. "Stop laughing!" She screamed. You see, after Tenten ran off Sakura attempted to find her, but in the end found Ino stuck in a large puddle of goop.

"Gahahahahahaaa!" She cried grabbing her sides.

"Just- Ugh. Just help me!" Into yelled.

"Ohh, god. Okay." Sakura smiled whipping a tear from her eye. But when Sakura grabbed her hand Ino smirked and pulled her in. "Ahhh!"

"Take that bitch!" Ino screamed.

"Ohmygod!" Sakura yelled. "I'm going to kill you!" But her attempts were hopeless since she was stuck.

"It's almost sunset. Should we be worried?" Kurenai turned Anko.

"Hmm… nah." Anko shock her head. "What's the worst that could happen?"

"Ohmygod!" Tenten's voice was heard in the distance. She came into their view and fell down to her knees. "I made it!" Tenten panted exhausted and covered with sweat. She was running the entire time since Naruto warned her about the rabid racoon. "Ohh godddd." She tried to catch her breath.

"Tenten?" Anko walked up to the genin. "What happened? Are you okay?" She put her hands on Tenten's shoulders.

"Hinata!" Kurenai called out in a panic when she saw Hinata walk up to her, still pale… well, she was always pale, but this is like… really, really pale. "Are you okay!"

"I… just need to rest for a while." Hinata said still traumatized about the squirrel.

And you just had to imagine the look on Kurenai's and Anko's faces when Ino and Sakura showed up covered with mud.

"We fell in a swamp." Ino's narrowed eyes screamed murder.

"Kakashi-sensei and Gai found us not so long ago and pulled us out." Sakura mumbled under her breath.

"Alright… then." Anko said astonished the sight before her. "Let's get you girls into clean clo-"

Before she could finish her sentence she looked up to the sky as a rain drop hit her forehead.

"Hmm… not a cloud in the sky this afternoon." Kurenai said to herself as it rained harder with thunder and lightning not far off.

"Come on girls. I'll heat up the beans in the tents and we'll eat inside." However as they turned around to enter their tents, they were absolutely destroyed by the rabid raccoon.

_"Damn raccoon..."_ Tenten mumbled.

_"Wow."_ Anko raised an eyebrow and the bizarreness of it all.

"Well…." Kurenai said thinking of the most logical thing to do. "Let's pack up and head for the boys camp."

"What!" Anko yelled.

"Yes, Anko. We know you're a man hater but put up with them for one night. Girls! Let's go before the storm gets any worst."

And off in the city of Konoha, in the 'Konoha Quick Stop', Randal looks up from his porn magazine and looks at Dante. "I told you this job would be great if it weren't for the customers."

BurasMew: Okay… so… this chapter gave me a major writers-block… how I hate them.  
SnyperKat: (came back with the pie) This stuff is sexy.  
Silverwing: I concur… I suppose. (blinks)  
BurasMew: Anyway, the rest of the chapters should come out soon since they're written down on paper… the reason why it took chapter 19 so long was because it wasn't… but the rest are… so they're coming… really soon.

Time for sneak preview:

Name of chapter 20: **Poor Rock Lee**

Random paragraph/sentence from Chapter 20 to make you come back:

**"My ass is getting cramped." Shino said as everyone turned to him. "What! It is."**

Thankie list for reviewers:

Kalilamae: O… kay. I will. (blinks)

AznNarutoGrl-91: Oh, I would have loved to see that. Yes, first few chapters are gold… now I fell they're getting plain. (becomes depressed)

DxXxReixXx: Sasuke fan huh? (pat)

Count Silverwing: SILVERWIIIIIIING!

Saki-kun: Yes, I always knew there was something different about Lee. He's a nudist. OO


	20. Chapter 20: Poor Rock Lee

Title: Just For The Ladies  
Chapter 20: Poor Rock Lee  
Written By: BurasMew

BurasMew: I got accepted to Dawson College! (does the happy dance)  
Silverwing + SnyperKat: VICTOLY!  
BurasMew: College and school stuff is what has been keeping me away from updating my fanfic. Sorry guys. -

* * *

Poor Rock Lee, Gaara owned his ass in the Chunin exams and my wee lil' heart bled for him since… actually I loved him before that. Goddamn, he's just so sexy! Squeal with me fangirls… and that one guy who likes to pinch his nipples; word on the street is that he's a pretty huge Rock Lee fan. I can go on forever about how much I adore Lee-chan but that is not what the beginning of each of my chapters are all about! We have to feel sorry for them. Like the whole naked thing not so long ago… what was he thinking? Returning to nature...? Who needs the outdoors when you have warquest? Heh? Anyone? Any takers…?

…

Screw you.

In the tent Anko drew a white line across the tent like a cliché sitcom with a chalk and explained; "This is the women's side and that's the boys' side."

"You just gave us a corner." Gai said.

"Exactly my point."

_"She's such a man-hater."_ Kakashi thought not daring to say it out loud fearing the rage of psycho Anko.

"It's too crowded in here!" Ino yelled feeling squished between Chouji and Shikamaru.

"My ass is getting cramped." Shino said, as everyone turned to him in disbelief of what he said.

"What! It is."

"… Hey, does anybody smell that?" Kiba said trying to block the sent with his hands.

"Ew, ya. I do." Sakura said pinching her nose.

The zipper then undid itself outside and in came Naruto stomping in. "I was trapped in there for hours! Why didn't anybody come looking for me!" He screamed in anguish.

Everyone simultaneously sniffed the air and realized that it was coming from Naruto.

"Where the hell were you!" Sakura asked.

"The outhouse tipped over while I was in it and couldn't get out." He proclaimed.

Sasuke rolled his eyes and asked, "Was this before or after you realized you were a ninja."

"Before, durrr." Naruto said doing the retarded arm thing.

"Oh ew! Naruto get out, you're stinking up the place!" Ino cried.

"Why don't you make me?" Suddenly everybody crowded Naruto and pushed him out the tent. "I can't stay out here! There's a thunderstorm right above us!" He screamed.

"The rain will do you good Naruto." Kakashi's voice was heard from inside the tent.

"I hate this." Naruto mumbled crossing his arms and scowled. So after a good half an hour getting soaked they let Naruto back in the tent. The smell wasn't gone completely but at least it was tolerable.

"… So now what?" Naruto asked.

Then Rock Lee shot his hand up in anticipation. "Oh! I know! Let's tell scary stories!"

"Let's not." Said Neji. Neji said knowing how scary Lee's stories can be… which wasn't much. So there were a handful of people who tried to give it a shot at telling scary stories. Shino's was pretty scary… of course he was just randomly saying what he has for breakfast that morning….

"… And that's when he discovered that there was no more ramen-" Naruto said with a flashlight resting under his chin.

"That's not scary, that's retarded." Sasuke said.

"Shut-up!" Naruto yelled and threw a pillow at him in frustration.

Tenten was right in the middle of telling the haunting story about a couple camping out in a tent… similar to the one they were in. Most of the non-badass characters were getting pretty freaked out over the story. Tenten was actually pretty good with telling scary stories having plot, characters, and scary poop monsters

"…_and Billy and Maryanne grabbed onto each other in horror and held their breath as the giant poop monster began to fumble with the zipper to the tent, suddenly-"  
_  
**"I GOT TO GET AWAY FROM MY MOTHER!"** Orochimaru suddenly ripped the tent door open to the tent. Lighting crackled behind him and gave a horrendous look to his face…. It was nothing like a poop monster but it would have to do.

"Ahhhhhhhhh!" All the genin screamed grabbing onto each other.

"Orochimaru!" Anko hissed. All the jounin instantly got into a stance getting ready to fight to protect Konoha and the Genin.

"My tent…" Shino said quietly.

Now you all must be saying: Thank god! We finally get to figure out what happened to Orochimaru's mom! Like, what the hell BurasMew! It's been so long ago since we were introduced to Mrs. Orochi that we forgot all about her! D: And then there is the other half of you are still wondering: "… Where's Glue?" New chapter. I promise. But back to the matter at hand!

You see, you must have thought that Orochimaru got rid of that worm/walrus excuse of a mother but you couldn't be more wrong! Mrs. Orochi is hot on his ass and Orochimaru and Kabuto has been running through the county side ever since.

"Hey!" Shino raising his voice louder, "Get the hell out! There is no more room in this tent, and you broke the door. You better pay for that!"

"The hell!" Orochimaru said but before he could show the little Genin just who he was dealing with his mother's voice could be heard from a distance calling out his name.

"Orochimaruuuuuu!" … All the animal life died.

_"Oh shit!"_ Orochimaru thought and decided to leave and find another place to hide.

"That was weird…"

So they tried to continue telling scary stories but they just couldn't come up with anything so they all went to bed, or at least tried. Sasuke was having lots of trouble since Ino and Sakura were trying to sleep near him, so he kept moving to each end of the tent which was really hard in the first place because the tent was small enough as it is.

"Can you guys just pick a place to sleep! I can't stand this anymore!" Neji said, who wasn't used to sleeping near so many people. He got out of the tent and ended up sleeping in a nearby tree. Shino eventually got kicked out because of a 'bug' problem.

Things were then blissful for a while until Naruto woke up. _"I have to take a wiz…"_ He thought and got out of the tent. He entered a different outhouse. While he was doing his business, the evil raccoon that attacked him earlier pushed over the outhouse so Naruto was stuck again. "Oh god! … It's everywhere again!" Naruto screamed in total anguish. How can a raccoon tip over an outhouse? Use your imagination people.

The storm calmed down a while ago but Sakura was everything but calm. "Ahhh!" Sakura screamed and slapped Rock Lee who was sleeping extremely close to her. He like, wasn't in her sleeping bag or anything but he was pretty damn close. She didn't remember him sleeping anywhere near here and I hate to admit it, but seeing the first thing after you wake up being Lee's face… I don't blame her for being scared.

Rock Lee: Ugly as a butt, but makes up for it for a great personality. Aside from that, the night was pretty uneventful.

Hinata was the first to wake up and by a pure miracle got out of the tent without waking anybody up. "Breakfast Hinata!" Gai screamed from the fire area that was already outside making breakfast for everybody… okay, she was the second to get up.

"Y-Yes please." She said politely and nodded her head.

_"Hmm, shy one."_ Gai thought as he continued making breakfast. Eventually everybody woke up and was served breakfast.

"Uh, what is this Gai-sensei?" Tenten asked.

"Squirrel soup. I found one not so far off…"

Kiba, Sasuke and Neji just looked down at their soup in silence and each poured their bowl empty behind them when no one was looking.

Hinata turned white, "I'm not that hungry." She put her bowl aside and walked towards the bus with a sad look on her face.

"Hinata has the right idea." Ino mumbled, who still have traces of mud in her hair.

"Yes, Kakashi-sensei! Let's go home." Sakura pleaded. Everyone agreed it was time to go and leave this hell hole early.

"Well that was pointless… again." Shikamaru said sitting in the back… again. He didn't feel any more or less confident when he came here.

"I thought it was okay… but I can't help but think we forgot something…"

Rock Lee still slept in the tent sound asleep… poor Lee. :


End file.
